Human Etiquette
Unveiling our human side for empathetic remote collaboration
It all boils down to tons of Zoom meetings and Slack messages but it doesn’t have to be this way.
In our design and product teams, we have multiple daily standups, meetings, agile ceremonies, and numerous group discussions. Such sessions easily sum up to 16–24 hours per week (2–3 workdays).
When we jump into a call we most often go straight to the point, without having the chance to observe the context and the environment. In this setup, we are much more focused on work that needs to be done, yet we are robbed of small but meaningful interactions that would allow us to absorb all the hidden human layers and better understand those whom we talk to.
While we spend enormous amounts of time together divided by LCDs, miles, and even time zones, it’s easy to forget that names and avatars are still persons with their flaws and qualities. Our wifi must be stable as if our lives depend on it, yet we fail to establish a true connection. Days and weeks pass, without seeing a face, or being seen; without engaging in casual chatter or starting one.
How about reminding ourselves what working humans do feel like?
Use standups to build the connection
Standups are a great way to keep up with daily progress, and to remind us we work as a part of a team, not on our own.
This has now become relevant more than ever, even for non-IT companies.
Next time you join the standup, ask the peers to turn on the camera and dedicate few minutes from time to time to check-in. Ask them about how they are feeling, where they are sitting, comment on some detail in the background, or compliment their T-shirt. You got the picture. Small talk speaks to our human side and makes us feel noticed.
Turn on the video
After a while, the video is off—seen as means of distraction when it’s easier to disssapear and multitask.
In a typical face-to-face interaction, we would be able to read between nuances in a matter of milliseconds: one’s facial expression, tone of voice, body language; the mood of the person, or the entire group. We’d be able to tell who is that person and what is their personality like. We’d be able to find our ways around them, understand their context, and adapt to their style of communication, without even thinking.
While many cues will remain hidden, having the video on will help us pick up enough non-verbal material to get started and be aware of the right time to speak or to listen.
It can be entertaining for once.
To get your own message across and have more quality conversations, resist the passiveness and start to show your face in meetings that require more engagement: daily standups, 1:1s, group discussions, and team ceremonies.
Be vulnerable
Working behind the invisible glass can make us seem flawless superhuman who is able to deliver beyond the expectations while transcending the limitations of being human: experiencing a variety of emotions, distress, fatigue, backache, and even bad hair day.
Everyone feels that way from time to time and that’s perfectly fine.
We may be different in terms of cultural background, role, and responsibilities, but at the end of the day, there are so many emotions we share. Admitting to your peers when you are not at your best or that you’d like to reschedule a meeting, you are showing them you are not apart. You are not hiding.
When you embrace the imperfection of being human and learn you are not alone, the days become more bearable. In fact, you may be surprised by the amount of empathy and emojis your fellow humans will express.
Talking of which…
Add some emojis! 🎬
Emojis help us inject feelings and decode the message the same way we’d use to interpret facial expressions and gestures in face-to-face communication.
Use them to create more engaging content, to silently acknowledge a comment, and to add some meat around the bone in an otherwise dull and impersonal message.
Emojis can make it easier to break the silence and help you alleviate awkward or challenging moments, like expressing criticism or disapproval when needed.
Show respect
Thinking about others and not only ourselves shows we genuinely value their time and presence.
In fact, this is about time and communication. Communicating on time, showing up on time, following up on time, being conscious about others’ time.
Let your team or peers know in case you might not be able to deliver the work or follow up on the time you agreed on.
Don’t be late for meetings, or at least notify the host or attendees in case you would, or cannot make it.
During meetings, keep track of time and use the last couple of minutes to wrap up. Finish the meeting earlier in case the goal of the session has been accomplished. In situations like this, others can know what to expect. You are allowing them to assume control over their own time and leaving room to plan, prepare, or adjust.
That makes you appear reliable and rest assured that your time will be also respected.
Break that ice
For people that are more familiar with each other, all it takes to sparkle a conversation is a small “How are you doing? / How was your weekend?”.
Don’t be a stranger.
Until now, our team played emoji scavenger hunt, tic tac toe, marked our hometowns on the world map, told our stories using emojis, and mood boarded a dream restaurant, to mention a few.
We even used to warm up physically by doing 80s fitness or yoga remotely. No screenshots unfortunately, we were too busy to make them.
When it comes to larger groups that don’t often meet, most participants are silent. People are shy and feel awkward. A session organizer or presenter really needs to push to get some kind of engagement and ice-breakers are a must to energize the group.
While there are plenty of digital templates for remote setups, analog exercise can be refreshing— ask the group to draw something in on a piece of paper and show their drawings after 2–3 min at once.
The point is to open up and initiate sharing insights and observations.
Or a laugh.
What takes the least time and effort is asking a short unexpected question before the session actually starts. This works for any group and typically takes from 5–10 min, depending on the number of participants. Start by answering the question yourself and let everyone answer. Even better, let the first person that answered nominate the next one. Whenever you reach out to a person, use their name.
Hearing our own names rings a bell, instantly draws attention, and makes us more invested in the conversation, whether it is a standup, meeting, or a workshop.
What I can guarantee is that once everyone has participated and engaged, the group is more inclined to contribute to the remaining time. People feel bonded and good about each other.
