For Women, “Getting it Right” is Designed to be Impossible
When men bring the “you’re doing too much or not enough” metric to women’s lives
Millions of men in our dominance-based masculine culture seek to control women via the impossible “you’re doing too much or not enough” metric measured against every single thing girls and women do. Men, stuck in Man Box culture, want women perpetually off balance, stressed, feeling they can never get it right by applying these unattainable standards to the smallest things women do, like how they dress to go to the grocery store, to the biggest things women do, like how they lead
We know the story of the gender double standards by now. Assertive men in business are called “strong leaders.” Assertive women in business are called “difficult.” Successful male politicians: “powerful leaders.” Successful female politicians: “self promoting.” Emotional male athletes: “authentic.” Emotional female athletes: “weak.” Fathers who work long hours: “Good providers.” Mothers who work long hours: “Stretched too thin.”
But we need to finally acknowledge that women will never get any of this right because it’s designed to be impossible. It’s a long list of double standards and gas lighting designed to subjugate women. And, happily, it’s not working so well anymore.
Millions of men are learning that supporting the full range of feminine expression and agency is central to granting ourselves the full spectrum of being human as well. In this way, we can all select the place on the vast gender spectrum that fits for us.
Men are coming to understand that none of us in a dominance-based culture of masculinity are free. It’s one big trap. If we want to break out of Man Box culture, men understand now that we have a lot of work to do, including putting an end to applying abusive, gaslighting, and utterly aggravating standards to every aspect of women and non-binary people’s lives.
At which point maybe we’ll learn to stop applying them to ourselves, as well.
Mark Greene is the author of The Little #MeToo Book for Men. Want to break out of our dominance-based Man Box culture of masculinity? Get your copy today. Our books and all our Remaking Manhood resources are available here: https://linktr.ee/RemakingManhood
