Re: How are you?
Remee checks in with college students. Tell us about your day, week, month…or the year so far for that matter.
How are you?
One of the first things I remember about my international first-year student orientation last September was a discussion about adjusting to cultural differences, specifically the somewhat unique connotation of “How are you?” as a polite greeting in the States. What many of us had viewed as an invitation to give a rundown of our week is really more like an equivalent of “hello.” People will not necessarily turn away from you for elaborating extensively about your day or week and not adhering to this greeting format, but you might end up catching some people in their steps when they were expecting to greet and go.
“How are you?” “I’m good. How are you?” “I’m good too. Thanks.”
This greeting model was something I learned to adapt to and adopt. The meaning of these three words, I realized, have been simplified for most surface-level interactions. In these past few months, though, I’ve noticed a shift in conversation openers. Over Zoom classes for the remainder of the spring semester and FaceTime hangouts with friends scattered across the globe, “How are you?” has taken on a much heftier weight. Its utterance now often encourages a lengthy check-in implying “How have you been? Are you safe? Are you healthy? How are you feeling… about everything?”
How are you? I’m… not doing so great, to be honest.
On August 15, Columbia University dropped an email bomb announcing a fully remote Fall 2020 semester and withdrawing most student housing just 3 weeks before the semester starts. The announcement dropped on the day of the fall tuition deadline. The complicated caveats to institutional support threw off most students, domestic and international, who had already planned to return to campus on the previous promise of a hybrid education and open campus. Many had just signed leases to off-campus apartments. Worse yet, some have already flown into New York to complete their 14-day quarantine before moving into their housing assignments, which were also only released recently. The following flood of student-generated email screenshots, sarcastic commentary, and fervent petitions shared on social media platforms has become a routine response to the unending plot twists of 2020 with no conclusion in sight.
As the start of the semester approaches, I’ve been thinking about how the last few months have been unfolding. From the very beginning of the college students exodus to now, anxiety and uncertainty about what’s to come are probably the only consistent and unsurprising emotions many have been experiencing. I’ve read countless articles, seen many YouTube clips (particularly those on loneliness by School of Life), and laughed sadly at too many “Zoom Self Quaranteen Memes” about how surreal the world seems right now and how our collective mental health has been continually disrupted. With a worldwide pandemic, a heightened reckoning with racial injustice, a distressing discourse between universities and students, and a confrontation with social disconnection, it sometimes seems almost impossible to organize what really matters to us right now. Taking a moment to process the imbalances in our lives seems like a luxury we are not allowed or are afraid to take.
Writing this piece from Taiwan 12 hours ahead of New York City, I mourn for the loss of a community I grew to love in my first year of college. I miss randomly chatting with strangers I sit next to in the library. I miss meeting my friends at dining halls after a long day of classes. I miss feeling the synergy of zesty students on campus helping each other thrive inside and outside of the classrooms, each one of us lifting each other up with our mere presence — something I did not realize until I knew its absence.
For a long while since March, I fantasized about a return to the campus. I looked forward to escaping a loneliness that periodically visits me as I live alone in my apartment. Despite feeling grateful for my safety back home, I couldn’t shake the gnawing sense of I shouldn’t be here in the back of my mind. Deep into July, I was still denying the reality of not knowing when I’ll practice with my dance team or attend seminars around oval tables again until I solemnly cancelled my housing contract.
Yet, while our institutions may have let many of us down in the past few months, I know for sure that this community never has. If anything, I’d also like to think, the past few months have infused a lot more empathy into student populations, manifested in support groups, crowd funds, and even consoling memes. To insert a message of hope would be quite cliché and hypocritical of me right now as I have seen it too many times with exasperation in closing remarks of official emails and motivational articles. So, I want to instead offer my presence, virtual and all. If you are in need, I will lend you a listening ear because so many people have offered theirs to me. This summer has shown me more than ever that sometimes all it takes is a promise of sincere attention to relieve an increment of a breath held for too long. I am comforted by the unrelenting support shared between friends, classmates, and strangers across oceans and time zones. I am confident that this will last and am glad that the simple “How are you?” has thankfully renewed its meaning.
…
So, how are you?
I’m good. I think. I get down sometimes but… I’m doing much better than I was a few months ago. I think I’ll be okay though. How about you?
How are you? No, really, we want to know. We hope to ground Remee’s Medium channel as an extension to the social media app we are launching soon. This blog will serve as a shared, inclusive platform for college students to document and share their experiences in any way they wish. An open journal of our lives, with all the highs and lows, as a collective remedy for you and others. I, along with the editorial team, will log our own musings and inquiries and invite you to do the same. Send us your art, photos, films, research, and writing and we will share it.
(P. S. Check out this song “How are you?” by David Byrne)
