Debbie’s last gift

Debbie was known to some as a public and inspirational speaker. Most of it if not all of her material was extracted from her personal experiences. But even without the speeches, she will inspire people by the way she lived; and that inspiration did not stop in her passing to her new life in the glory of the Lord. But before I get into that, let me give you a bit of background about her.

It is said that opposites attract. We were not necessarily opposites but we definitely complemented each other. As we all know, Debbie was a planner and as such she expected that everyone had to have a plan. Me, on the hand, I like to wing it; add some chaos/unpredictability to her plans. But what you may not know is that she also loved to have the last word. For instance, on a nice Sunday afternoon I would ask Debbie to go for a ride. Fifteen minutes into the ride she would ask me, “Where are we going?” and I would response “Nowhere in particular, wherever the spirit takes us”. Well, that was poison to her ears. “Wait, you don’t have a plan?” “Well yeah, get on the car without a destination and enjoy the ride”. So she will go on and on about the lack of a plan so after a minute or so on this I would say, “Ok! I have a plan!” And I would drive back home. Then she will get all upset because it was a nice day and we should go for a ride. So again, the discussion went on and I was able to convince her that she had to let her hair down once in a while. She didn’t have to control everything; not everything had to be planned. So she agreed and we went for our ride. Fifteen minutes into the ride she will say “So, where are we going?” I would give her the evil eye and she said “Just kidding!” Didn’t I say she loved to have the last word?

But getting back to Debbie, her passing presents a few things to reflect on. Among them, that “God has a plan”, “He answers our prayers”, and “His plan will be revealed when we are ready to understand it”.

Debbie was in great pain for a long time and that restricted and devastated her. As you know, she was on the move 24/7, planning, blogging, helping others, making speeches, and the idea of sitting around watching TV all day long was not her cup of tea. In fact, Martha Hannah came to visit one day and told her of her “mundane and boring” errands for that day and she responded, “I envy you because I wish I could do some mundane and boring errands.” But time passed and she felt it was time to go to heaven and started saying goodbye; via Facebook, emails, in person, etc. Many of you were able to visit and pray with and for her.

For a couple of months before she passed, she would ask for the current month and day. We were not sure why she was asking but, come to find out, somehow she felt that she was departing during mid-September. Such was the case that she asked my sister to come over during Labor Day weekend. Unbeknownst to me, Debbie had asked my sister to be with me because she was worried I would not be able to handle her departure (perhaps she was expecting to pass that weekend). But the weekend went by and my sister left; and Debbie was still around. That confused and annoyed her. How come I am still around?, she often asked. We had many conversations about this. Come to find out, GOD HAD A PLAN!

At one point Debbie told me that God was punishing her. This time I couldn’t understand why such a God loving person could think that way; this had to be the effects of the pain medication. But I couldn’t dismiss it so I asked her why she was being punished, and she said, “Because I am trying to be God”. I was confused but, again, this had to be the pain medication at work. Oh, did I mention that God had a plan?

Ok, so God had a plan but we habe no idea what it was. I supposed that at some point it will be revealed. What about God answering our prayers? Well, for quite some time, some of you would come to visit and pray for her healing. But nothing will come of that. Was God not listening? Well, one little detail I neglected to mention is that prayers are answered (not in the order they are received, like an automatic operator) but according to God’s plans. It is the difference between what we want and what we need.

Here we go again, God had a plan!

While your prayers were going on (and I ask and expect that you continue), I felt the healing was not part of God’s plan so I had my own prayers on the side. I prayed that His will be done (heal her or take her away) and to give US the strength and perseverance to handle the outcome of that will. And this went on for a few months and about a week before her passing, I could sense that her pain was getting worse so I added to my prayer that if His plan was to keep her around a bit longer to please end her suffering and let her live the time left without pain.

Did He answer my prayers? Well let’s see. Two days before her passing (Monday morning), I sat next to her and she told me that she loved me and we kissed. But this was not the usual kiss. For the previous couple of months she would close her eyes and turn her head and let me kiss her in the forehead and cheeks. This particular morning she puckered up and we kissed on the lips for the first time in 6 weeks (since she was confined to bed). We stayed together for a few minutes and then she asked when Nurse Becky was coming; “In two hours”, I said. She also asked whether her sister Noemi was coming on Thursday as planned and I told her, yes. Then she started asking me to call hospice so that they could send someone else sooner. Right then, I sensed that something was not right so I texted her sister Noemi that Debbie was asking for the nurse and this didn’t feel like other times. Nurse Becky arrived and by now she was unconscious. She was, for the first time, without pain. Not exactly what I was asking for, but since prayers get answered according to His plan, I guess I should take this as the answer to my prayer.

So after all, did God actually have a plan? Did he reveal it to me? Were all my prayers answered? To that I have to say, yes, yes, and yes!

Let’s start with God’s plan for Debbie as I understand it. Debbie graduated from this life and was promoted into heaven. In some of her postings, she said that she was satisfied with her life; in her words, she had packed 100 years of living in 60. Debbie knew she was getting called. But somehow Debbie either misheard the moving in date, or the plans changed a bit. So September was not it, as she expected. Now, remember the conversation about her being punished because she was trying to be God? Well, first of all, God does not punish. Rather, like any good father, He reprimands; and Debbie, being who we know she was (the planner I talked about at the beginning), was telling God that she was ready to leave in mid-September. But God said, “Wait a segundo, I have a different plan! So sit there and relax, let your hair down once in a while. Not everything has to be according to your plans.” Does that sound familiar? In retrospect, she told me a few times after the conversation about God punishing her, that I was right. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do. God told her the same thing I was telling her about trying to be in control all the time.

Ok, so the final date came according to His plan but what about all my prayers? Well, the “no pain” prayer got somewhat answered, and here is the other one; “give US the strength to handle the outcome of Your will”. The day of her passing, my friends from St. Luke stopped by with wine and pizza to cheer us up so we ate the pizza and toasted to Debbie’s life. We had a few laughs and when the guys were leaving, my friend Bob said that he was inspired by how well I was taking this whole ordeal. That throughout the entire process I had not lost my sense of being, that if he was in the same situation he would probably be so down that he will hide away from everybody. I told him that I had no idea how I was able to do it but I had to thank the Lord for giving me the strength to get through it. And then it dawned on me, He had again answered my prayer! Actually, our prayer because I know some of you were praying to God to give us strength. So for that I thank you.

But why was Debbie’s suffering part of God’s plan? That’s a hard one. But I figure, this was done for us; this community of ours. For the first time, we were and will continue to be united in prayer and for sure that pleases God. And the suffering was necessary because first, Debbie IS very special and He needed something dramatic to get our attention. OK, but why didn’t God take her in mid-September and end her suffering? Well, maybe He was waiting for me to ask (remember my second part of my prayer?) but also to wake us up, me and the kids. How? Here it is.

Another aspect of Debbie was that she did not like people to suffer. Around two or three weeks ago she was insisting that I take her to the hospital. When I told her that I could take better care of her than any hospital, she told me that she didn’t want me to suffer. I looked at her and out of nowhere I replied, “Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow him. You are my cross and I will carry it with gladness because Jesus suffered in the cross and sacrificed His life for my sins. My suffering is nothing compared to what He did for me so I want to offer this suffering as a sacrifice for His Glory.” With that she stopped and pondered; I could feel the wheels turning in her head. I cannot say what came over me, but at that moment I felt that God put these words in my mouth to let her know of my love for her; that I signed up for this on that day, 40 years ago, when I promised to “love her and cherish her in sickness and in health till death do us part”. I then realized that in her suffering I understood my commitment to her, and in my suffering I felt the Lord’s presence telling me that everything was going to be fine because He will always be around me. Some times in front to guide me, sometimes behind to encourage me, and sometimes next to me to hold my hand.

So her suffering was to wake ME up, so what about the kids? Well, our family is young, Raquel and Max have been married for only 4 years and Cristina and Tony for less than one, so we have not been together long enough to develop a deep bond. But I have to say, that throughout this ordeal, we, as a family, have grown stronger and have developed a deeper bond, full of love and understanding. I think God wanted Debbie to see that before she left and that needed time to happen. In addition, remember my prayer about the strength to handle the outcome of His will? God didn’t just give us that strength on the day she passed; He used those weeks to train us. It was a period of ups and downs, frustrating for sure. But looking back God was preparing us for not only accepting His will but to be able to handle it. I do know now that God loves us and he will be with us for the rest of our lives.

OK. So, if my prayer was answered about the “no pain” on Monday, why wait until Wednesday? That one was for her sister Noemi and me. After I told Noemi of Debbie’s condition that Monday morning, she changed her plans for Thursday and arrived on Tuesday. God did this so that Noemi was able to see her sister before she departed and to be close to me when the time came on Wednesday morning. We were able to embrace and comfort each other. I don’t know how I would have reacted if she wasn’t there. And for that I thank the Lord!

I hope that by now Debbie’s passing have taught us a few lessons; that God always has a plan, that plan will be revealed when we are ready to understand it, and our prayers will be answered according to His plan.

Some people have asked if she left peacefully. I have to say that she did leave in peace; however, she couldn’t be quiet about it. Noemi was leaving on Thursday morning and she has said many times that she had not seen Raquel (our oldest daughter) in at least five years. It turned out that Raquel was coming home and the only reasonable flight she could find was arriving in Charlotte at 8:00am and Noemi was boarding at 8:40am. Well, this was going to be close, knowing that we have no guarantee that the flight will arrive at 8:00am and that the terminals will be close enough to be able to sprint from one to the other. Caribbean flights always leave form terminal D and San Francisco flights usually arrive at either A or B; on opposite sides of the airport. So that morning, after a few tense moments of texting back and forth, Raquel arrived and it turned out that her flight arrived in the same terminal as Noemi’s. On top of that, Noemi’s flight was delayed half hour so the two were able to spend a good chunk of time catching up. Coincidence? I don’t think so. That sounds like a very elaborate plan at work here. I can only think of one person that plans that way. Debbie, of course!

She had to make her presence known and, as I mentioned before, she loved to have the last word! But that could not end there could it? Of course not!

I have a hibiscus plant that my daughter Cristina gave me for father’s day last year. It’s one of those shaped like a tree. Hibiscus is a tropical plant and it loves heat so it bloomed all summer long last year. This year, for some weird reason, it had no flowers whatsoever. I bored Debbie to tears a few times by complaining about the tree not blooming at all. So, summer passed by and not a single flower. And now it’s too cold for any flowers. So forget it; do not expect anything. But I continue to water it; it’s my routine and therapy. I think I watered it last on the Monday or Tuesday of Debbie’s passing and, as always, I checked for buds which I knew there were not going to be any because it is too cold by now. But on Friday after Debbie’s passing I watered it again while my daughters were in the back porch. As I am watering the plant, I start telling the girls about the tree not blooming at all this year. Suddenly, there it was, a brand new bud. It had to be no more than a couple of days old. I then realized that this was a message from Debbie to me. She knew that I was going to find it because that is my routine. The message I read from it is, “I am fine. Take care of the girls and the boys. I know you like this tree so whenever it blooms; remember that I love you.”

Again, Debbie’s hands were all over this one. She couldn’t leave quietly. She had to have the last word! But not anymore! See, now that I have done this speech in celebration of her life, I can say for certain that finally I was able to come on top and sneak in the last word.

But did I really?

In the early hours of the Friday morning when I found the hibiscus bud, I woke up around 3 am, not unusual, but I couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind was bombarded with messages that I couldn’t shake off. Messages like “God had a plan”, “the plan will be revealed”, “God answered your prayers”. Somehow I felt I needed to talk about them so I thought I would wing it, say a few words during Debbie’s memorial and call it the day. But the messages kept pounding on my head for the rest of the morning so I gave up trying to sleep and got up. The following night, in the early hours of Saturday morning, the same thing happened. This time I woke up by 2 am with the same messages in my head but with more substance. So I decided that I better get up and start writing it down and maybe, by doing this, I would be able to sleep better the next time. So I sat down on my computer for 7 straight hours that Saturday.

I was done with the speech and now I was hoping that I would be able to sleep since the words and messages were written down. Well, I was able to sleep better but not as well as I hoped. I woke up a few times feeling the speech could use some refinements. So I got to it on Sunday morning before and after church. I read it a few more times adding and rearranging a few words here and there. Every time I read it, I would laugh in places, cry a lot in others, and get inspired in others. I was very proud of myself. As some of you know, I do not do speeches; Debbie was the Toast Masters graduate and the public speaking guru. But somehow, this speech had the feeling of something that Debbie would have written. And then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. DEBBIE WROTE THIS! THIS IS HER SPEECH! I couldn’t sleep for three nights because she was nagging me about the message she wanted to get across. This was her gift to all of us.

In the end, she won. She had the last word, AGAIN!

In closing, I want to thank each and every one for your prayers, your support for our family during this period, and your friendship for the years to come. But above all, I want to thank the Lord our God for allowing me to marry His precious daughter my bride of 40 years, my best friend, my inspiration, my strength, my life.

… because HIS is the KINGDOM, and the POWER, and the GLORY now and forever. Amen!