How (Not) to Find Missing Objects with Remote Viewing

An episode of panic, police, and psychic power

This will all make sense later — photo and graphics by the author (via Canva) except for half of an intuitive scribble by Woo D Woo

Boop. The two ladies rifle through loose papers and converse in Spanish, trying to discern what the heck kind of vegetable I have brought to their register. Solving my masterful puzzle requires so much concentration that they can’t spare a moment to acknowledge my presence. Might I have a future in designing Sudoku? Tap, tap, swipe, beep.

I’ve already received “the call” twice. “What’s taking so long? The kids are going nuts.” My poor wife, imprisoned in a vehicle with a clan of deranged goblins disguised as children, desperately requests the commutation of her sentence. As an adult with attention issues, I often end up taking longer than expected when grocery shopping, much to my wife’s perpetual dismay.

Patience, Love. You’ll see the outside again soon. These ladies have almost cracked my devious code.

As the last of my brain-teasers are dropped into bags, I slide my hand into my pocket and pull out emptiness where a wallet should have been. It has been a long day of chasing the goblins around the park. I blink a few times before my tired mind catches on to the implications of my futilely grasping palm.