That thing you call orgasm… isn’t, really.
What we call orgasm is ‘staggering’. But what you really want … is the other 80% of that… gardens of unexpected experiences of mutual prodigy, sensing, wonder, learning, and … sudden developmental acceleration… that happen beyond the context of sex.
If you are not regularly having orgasms in the senses that comprise your mind and intelligence… and most particularly with the person you claim to adore... if you are not—and I mean regularly having orgasms of insight, discovery, understanding and revelation... then I am afraid you are probably extremely confused about sex. Because the physical aspect is really pretty mundane compared to the whole other ‘lost universe’ of mutual relational ecstasy. And ‘sex’, as most adults understand and experience it… is far too commonly and easily substituted for its sources. This tends to become either boredom or addiction. Those are not really erotic—they are reactive.
Underneath our confusions about these matters, just about everything is fundamentally sexual, but not precisely in the ‘naughty’ sense. And it’s all just as natural as rain or night—but it would appear supernatural because we have forgotten or lied about most of our actual relational nature as animals and human beings. In nature, nearly all relational expression actively elicits eroto-sexual connotation or carries similar content. Period. And the results of recognizing and engaging with this are far beyond mere physical orgasm.
Our minds are made to plumb the starry depths of relational eros, and were, in fact, forged in the resulting storms of learning, awareness and discovery. Unfortunately, as adults, we are too rarely introduced or immersed in the modes of relational experience that allow, encourage or catalyze ‘the other kinds of orgasm’. What we get instead is membership in a cult. Or we are converted to the reproductive agency of some bizarre paradigm involving lots of experts and book sales.
We face barriers of many forms: conceptual, cultural and contextual. We are as sensitive to ambient behavioral contexts as the chameleon is to the patterns of color and form against which it appears: and like them, we mimic what we are immersed in — in part to avoid predators and rejection.
Although there are exceptions, nearly all of the common contexts we sustain and actively regenerate with our actions and agreement compete against the faculties we are born with for dominance and survival. To do this they have to inhibit us madly, and this ceaselessly foments and amplifies frustration, which leads rapidly to the urge to merge… physically. This compulsion is not too dissimilar to how frustration in communication may lead to combat.
If our contexts inhibit relational eros, they have to basically shut down or repurpose our intelligence (because it is erotic) and our potentials for active intimacy, as their first move. Any actual experience of relational intimacy would rapidly overwhelm and destroy those contexts — nearly all of them. We thus have to be inhibited to even participate, and in this state we revert to a sort of desperate… sometimes almost combative physicality. We want to fuck. And really, that is rather tragic. And ironic, too. Because what that is a representation of is so shocking it would rip our false cultures to ribbons… and replace drug use and much of religion with relational ecstasy. Instant. Immediate. Whenever we so desired and agreed.
Just as it did when we were children.
Relation is flagrantly, curiously, hopelessly, enthrallingly... intimate. Every living thing understands this without any rules or words — except the false cultures we have established (including those that claim to be ‘sex positive’). In response, humans become habituated to use physical sex to avoid the entire gamut of profound relational eros that sex usually becomes the pitiful remnant of.
Children know all about this because they are almost always relationally horny. They do not worry about whether or not they are ‘getting laid’… but rather… who is ‘available to play’… or not… and why. What they actually mean by play has rather little in common with adult words, ideas, and concepts. If you want to rediscover relational eros, you must awaken senses and intelligences that were shut down or amputated by authority in childhood.
The mind of our human nature is abundantly endowed with lost prodigies and wonders. I speak of splendors and abilities so far beyond our religions that fiction cannot even convey them to us. If you want a taste of this… here’s a hint: in many cases, where sex or even physical contact is impossible (or is being consciously avoided), new forms and ways of intimacy will arise that will certainly astonish even the most intoxicated amongst those who think they already know what I am talking about.
And this is the beginning of remembering… the true sources and purposes of the physical intimacies that become first our interest, then our compulsions and… too often… our prisons.
I am insatiably curious about the nature of living beings, intelligence, language, and nearly everything else. I hope my work may contribute to our ability to assemble the authentic sources of what our modern cultures are but the broken remnants and falsified costumes of. Together. With and for each other and our world.
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( My writing is a gift that I hope may inspire speculation, wonder, discovery and new relationships. If you enjoy it, kindly take a moment to share it, connect with me personally, comment, correct me, or tap the Recommend button ⇩ ☺ )
