I will breathe!
As a sufferer of severe asthma since my teens being unable to breathe holds a certain meaning for me.
It is a constant reminder.
A reminder too that the struggle continues
until the wrongs are set right.
“I will breathe.”
On hearing of the death of Beryl Rubens.
And so another voice has fallen silent
and for a moment the wintering wild birds
no longer sing in the skies.
And I walk amongst stone angels
and there is no comfort for me here.
Tears of sadness do not pierce
the emptiness of where a heart should be.
And your expressionless eyes
stare down unchanged
over the days, over the years.
Here there are carved words
on smooth milled stone
each letter, each word
a fragment of a life’s story
a memento to last an Eternity.
So many words worn away
by the hard edged rain
of so many past winters.
Expressions of love, of duty done,
the reward of rest in heaven.
And the remembrance always
of those who follow.
Followers themselves now dead
so that the graves lie forgotten.
And the words meaning lost.
But I will think of your life now Beryl
and of what you’ve meant
to me and those who knew you.
We will always treasure you
and your life’s memory.
I smile at the remembrance
of the sound of your viola,
of your laugh and delight,
your strength and determination
to fight for those broken needlessly.
I do not need stone angels now
or the waste of aged sentiments,
life has always been precarious
it is enough that you were here.
And I will light a candle for you.
In tribute to Beryl Reubens our youngest daughters first violin teacher, and as a friend and recognition of the work she did unstintingly for Amnesty International.
©RobCullen 20/02/2015.
Published in Rob Cullen’s first poetry collection “Uncertain Times” 2016 (Octavo Press).
“We have been informed of the death of Beryl Rubens, an accomplished violinist and viola player and member of a musical family. Before migrating to the US, she played in the orchestra of Welsh National Opera.
Beryl’s brother Harold Rubens was a piano prodigy and close friend of Nelson Mandela.
Brother Cyril was a violinist in the London Symphony Orchestra. Sister Bernice was a novelist who won the Booker prize for The Elected Member and wrote a profoundly true story of music teaching, Madame Sousatzka, based on Harold’s boyhood instructor.
Beryl spent much of her life on an agricultural commune in the American heartlands. She talks about it here.
Beryl’s family tell us she was playing string quartets to the last day of her life.”
Beryl was my daughter Cara Cullen’s first violin teacher. Beryl was a powerful, charismatic woman who made a huge impression and had a profound influence on our daughter.
Beryl told us stories about her brother being banned from the US for his asctivism and friendship with Paul Robeson.
Harold moved to South Africa where he continued the fight against racism and the hated apartheid. One of the way he provided his services to the ANC was by performing particularly loud piano recitals and concerts with meetings of the ANC conducted under the stage . The performance being so loud the South African government’s security forces could not eavesdrop. Harold was banned from South Africa. Harold remained a close friend of Nelson Mandela and leaders of the ANC for the rest of his life.
The poem was written on hearing news of Beryl’s death after she had moved from Cardiff to New York for her last days to be near her family.
As long as there is wrong
The struggle continues
I will breathe
.
©robcullenjune2020
