I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

as told by “the news,” deciphered by me

Merriam-Webster has the news 
That’s hot, heavy — trending!
Beefy words being thrown around 
Before world’s verbosity’s sour ending

Haven’t you all heard about it?
There’s a new parrot to gawk at today,
Evidently London’s mayor
Has been deemed a gloating Popinjay

Our illustrious orange Head of State
Has launched an attack on laws of libel,
Claiming them “a sham and a disgrace,”
Meanwhile slander is just swell

Throwing “obsequious” and “factotum”
Out in one sentence? How insidious! 
It gives ass-kissing a whole new light,
Kudos on fancyfying hideous
(on CNN’s host Jake Tapper)

Was a tad bit surprised to see
A spike in the word “misnomer”, 
But what else can we expect from 
A man with a dead lobster comb-over?

I guess it could mean a mistake, 
Or a common misconception, 
It’s easy, really, when you can
Make up your own definitions

C’mon now — treasonous? 
Everyone is aware of that meaning,
You know, the one where your head is reeling
When you read his tweets and feel demeaned

When traitors get called out, and still they rule
What else is there to do but act a fool?
While lying, beguiling, smiling your way
Through each greasy palm, handouts pay

Who knew the news 
Could be such a delight?
All I’ve been missing, 
Right here in plain sight

Uncertain of what’s real, 
Or fake? Friends, do not fret!
I bet one day Trump’ll 
Ban the Dictionary just yet

Then we can all live in our shared
Ignorance, oblivious;
Wrapped up in arguments about when words
Had meanings not purely multivious