I Read the News Today, Oh Boy
as told by “the news,” deciphered by me
Merriam-Webster has the news
That’s hot, heavy — trending!
Beefy words being thrown around
Before world’s verbosity’s sour ending
Haven’t you all heard about it?
There’s a new parrot to gawk at today,
Evidently London’s mayor
Has been deemed a gloating Popinjay
Our illustrious orange Head of State
Has launched an attack on laws of libel,
Claiming them “a sham and a disgrace,”
Meanwhile slander is just swell
Throwing “obsequious” and “factotum”
Out in one sentence? How insidious!
It gives ass-kissing a whole new light,
Kudos on fancyfying hideous
(on CNN’s host Jake Tapper)
Was a tad bit surprised to see
A spike in the word “misnomer”,
But what else can we expect from
A man with a dead lobster comb-over?
I guess it could mean a mistake,
Or a common misconception,
It’s easy, really, when you can
Make up your own definitions
C’mon now — treasonous?
Everyone is aware of that meaning,
You know, the one where your head is reeling
When you read his tweets and feel demeaned
When traitors get called out, and still they rule
What else is there to do but act a fool?
While lying, beguiling, smiling your way
Through each greasy palm, handouts pay
Who knew the news
Could be such a delight?
All I’ve been missing,
Right here in plain sight
Uncertain of what’s real,
Or fake? Friends, do not fret!
I bet one day Trump’ll
Ban the Dictionary just yet
Then we can all live in our shared
Wrapped up in arguments about when words
Had meanings not purely multivious
Author’s note: This poem was inspired by a quick dictionary search today, after I happened to notice the “trending” words across the top. Every one of them was precipitated by a news article relating to politics (big shocker there). I followed the crumb trail to see what all the fuss was about…
References (via Merriam-Webster):
Popinjay was in the news on Jan 12, 2018. 'Popinjay' had a spike in lookups on January 12, 2018, after its use in a…www.merriam-webster.com
Libel was in the news on Jan 10, 2018. 'Libel' rose to the top of lookups on January 10, 2018 after Donald Trump told…www.merriam-webster.com
Factotum, Obsequious was in the news on Jan 7, 2018. 'Obsequious' and 'factotum' both topped lookups on January 7, 2018…www.merriam-webster.com
Misnomer was in the news on Jan 4, 2018. 'Misnomer' topped lookups on January 4, 2018 after President Donald Trump…www.merriam-webster.com