I am not those numbers.
Not the right numbers.
I am brain dysfunction
and an unruly body
and endless analysis
and decisions that don't feel like mine.
Until it's 4 AM
and I'm touching madness again.
I am side effects that are the desired treatment.
I am grace chemically:
medication planetary alignment.
A thousand interactions of uncertainty
and late realizations.
I am the poem that arises
that can only describe
my chemical dependence
as a toxic abusive relationship
endorsed by society
and required to ingest politics.
You must wait to reveal because stigma.
Because fear of a future made impossibly worse.
Because you are a thing to be ingested by others.
Because your experience is the common man
and everyone will dance it.
A revelation they aren't prepared to ingest.
This gift will be my deadening.
I am fully prepared for all that comes.
I am defined and unlimited by my past.
I am words on a page that express who I am
because every symptom erases and builds.
I am anxiety enlightened.