I once had a son
I held him on his first day in the world
Rocked him as they stitched his traumatized mother up
Promised that I would be there for him no matter what
And I have been
For every first step
Every cut and scrape
Every win and loss
My boy grew and grew
Endured rites of passage
Learned about the world and himself
Became more of who he would become
And I came to know him better
Learned to trust him
To listen and accept his truths
As he understood them
So when, not two weeks ago
My son told me
That I no longer had a son
I should not have been afraid
But I was
My heart had become attached to my boy
To the vision of a grown man
Who I had helped to raise
The last remnant of a marriage
Now washed away in the tide of time and sadness
I could not force it into my head
The picture of the daughter
A girl I had never known
Looking at me through my son’s eyes
I see her in a dress now, today
And I struggle with my pronouns
To make the he a she in my mind
In my reflexes
It does not come easy
And won’t
For a while
Yet I do trust her
This girl who lives with…
