the world before no (poem)
and that was the world we lived in
where no was not an option
not to an adult not to a doctor
we know better than you
this is something you have to do
there is no way to decline
a doctor gouging a mole out of your back
at the age of ten
without enough anesthetic
took a crying screaming tantrum
to get him to stop
removed only years later when you are 18
your mother when you are ten says
“he was a jerk” with pressed lips
but she is embarrassed and you know
that she wishes you had been quiet
and gone along with it
and you are quiet and go along with it
for years and years
and don’t understand why
for the longest time
why you let him treat you like that
and why he could bully and threaten
his suicide to keep you in line
why you let him isolate you
from friends, from family
leaving you nowhere to turn
you think “I wasn’t raised to be like that —
my folks taught me
I could be whatever I wanted to be”
but only while being a good girl
only while following directions and coloring inside the lines
only if I were unfailingly polite
only if I always followed the doctor’s orders
of course you should give your uncle a hug
why would you say that to her, she’s a nice old lady
why are you being mean to people,
you’re supposed to be better than that
It took a map, a compass
a GPS
to even begin exploring
an entire world of no.
