she and her name
what’s in a name?
an identity arbitrarily enforced upon birth,
yet scrawled in cautious cursive on all my homework papers,
engraved into the trophies of my childhood,
carved proudly in light grey pencil,
blue ink,
black paint,
purple marker,
on fourth grade name-tags,
standardized tests,
paperwork at the doctor’s office,
over and over and over,
until the essence of my being has become
bound to this string of phonetics.
you marvel when a kindred spirit shares this permutation of letters,
gasp when a person of esteem carries this nomenclature,
swell your chest in pride when you hear of the historical ensemble of characters
that bore your name to fame.
fond of the three words she signs herself as,
having finally worn in the shoes of this identity,
why must she entertain any compulsion to change it?
to adhere to tradition,
to encourage cohesion,
to make life easier for the children,
chirps the old adage.
but why is it
that he will never have to bat an eye,
flinch a muscle, or exert a heavy sigh
in contemplation of the possibility of parting with his identity,
whilst she has to defend,
reason,
explain herself
for making the simple choice of preserving hers?
fraught with anxiety over society’s judgement of her —
will they understand her need to retain this shard of herself,
perhaps find a reflection of this desire within themselves,
and yield to the ebb and flow of changing times?
Or will they condemn her for this treacherous betrayal of
time-honored custom?
caught in the web of logistical intricacies —
hyphenate his with hers,
modify the middle,
or repel any change altogether?
Conceive a new family name, perhaps?
“the kids should carry his name.”
now that she has received this small victory,
she wants to compensate for their inconveniences.
to have even one child become her namesake?
no, no, the world is not ready for that
what folly!
how selfish would she be perceived as?
how will the kids survive in such a divisive narrative,
such a drastic departure from societal norm.
after all, what’s in a name anyways, right?
