Awareness through celibacy

These are generalisations and are emphasised to get my point across, but I have come to realise them personally. I will share a small number of my realisations only briefly, I encourage you to meditate on them and come up with your own truth.

Celibacy has opened me up to the superficialness of most encounters, there’s often times no deep connection. By taking sex from the equation you can connect deeply with people, there’s a genuine desire to get to know the person, to be authentic with them and show them your true self, rather than a mask you put on, your ‘persona’ to impress them. without the drive to impress for sexual desire, there’s a true connection established, a genuine and authentic relationship can be built. you present your true self, and see their true self.

With being celibate and not following my sexual lust I’ve seen how this often gets in the way of developing new relationships — take for example the situation that you may find yourself in where as a male you see a female that you may feel a connection to platonically, sharing similar interests, a mutual vision you could manifest together. But she has a boyfriend. If you are aware she has a boyfriend you’ll not make an advancement even in a friendly and non threatening way as you don’t want to perceived as trying to hit on her, not wanting to disrupt or cause conflict within their relationship, or cause a conflict between yourself and her boyfriend. Even though there is no sexual desire or romantic desire there. It literally stops you from connecting with another human being, because of the perceived threat to the relationship? because of the perceived possession of and belong to someone.

How often do you meet a member of the opposite sex and just establish a friendship with them? It’s often times the case that the initial interaction is driven by a sexual desire, an evolutionary desire for reproduction. And if there is no sexual chemistry or romantic connection then the encounter is terminated, people seem to primarily only want to connect with new people on a romantic or sexual level (given the situation). Like at a bar, if you get talking to someone and there is no sexual attraction you will terminate the communication, and not maintain and establish a platonic relationship.

How many new platonic relationships have you developed with a member of the gender you are attracted to — but without being attracted to them? I have noticed that it’s often times only old school friends that are the platonic relationships I have, or people I’ve been in a close environment with on frequent occasions… like at University or work (haha). But how many times do you just meet someone new and establish a connection with them platonically? How many relationships have you established on a friendship level where you can get to know them purely as friends, and nothing more. And you will spend time with them getting to know them for no other reason but to get to know them? Would you meet someone through a friend for example, and then make the effort to get to know them as a friend yourself — or do you view them as a friend of a friend and leave it at that — for a while, but you don’t actively develop the relationship.

Would you meet someone new and actively get to know them and spend time with them… go and watch a movie with them etc just as friends? Why not?

I feel like there’s too much separation, there’s too many walls, blocks, barriers. There’s often if not always a motive behind our interactions. Why can’t we just meet new people to meet new people, to connect with others, to welcome others into your life just to have them in your life.

I also feel that it stops people being honest, and people even take offence when you pay them a compliment… it’s taken as if you’re hitting on them when you’re literally just saying what you feel. Like if I was to think a girl is beautiful, however I have no sexual or romantic desire for them… I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them they’re beautiful. One, because I don’t want to lead them on in case they believe I’m hitting on them, but also because people take it the wrong way, as if you’re just speaking from a sexual desire, lust— as a pervert. If you find a woman’s body beautiful and you say so… you’re seen as a pervert. If you see another manifestation of the creative force of nature beautiful — say a flower… you’re seen as deep and mysterious for appreciating this creation. But the body is an extremely complex and beautiful manifestation of creation, and just saying so is often taken in a negative light?

I’ve noticed that if I get on well with someone, but they’re not interested in me sexually or romantically then the relationship will just end and they’ll stop communicating with me. Isn’t that a shame? Why is that the case? I don’t understand it. There could be a beautiful friendship established, but because there is no sexual interest the whole connection is terminated.

Also, other people often believe there’s a motive behind your actions. For example if you talk to a girl and she has a boyfriend, he’ll believe you’re hitting on her and will get jealous etc. Why can’t you just talk to her to talk to her? Why can’t you develop a purely platonic relationship with a girl because she’s in a relationship? It doesn’t make sense in reality, you’re both just human beings.

You are you, you are yours, you are not an object, you don’t belong to someone. A lot of the time love and relationships are possession and attachment. Believing the person to be theirs. In reality you aren’t anyones. Not even if you feel you are. You are just a being. Can it not be the case that I could meet a girl as a friend, that has a boyfriend, and just develop a friendship with her? Purely platonic with no sexual or romantic desire? Could I watch a film with her as a friend without it being anything more at all? Would her boyfriend accept that? Or would he believe I have another motive and not let it happen? Would she think I have a motive and not let it happen?

I know these thoughts seem far out, but I just want you to think about it from a different perspective. Is it not this way simply because of our cultural conditioning? Or because of our evolutionary drive for survival and reproduction? Can we not transcend these in order to connect with one and other deeply and establish relationships with others purely platonically? Actually connecting with one and other and welcoming beautiful beings into our lives.

I’m not saying we can, and I’m not saying we can’t. I’m just thinking, and want to get you thinking. But think for yourself, not through the lens of what you’re told to, not through a culturally conditioned lens. Meditate on this yourself. And imagine what society would be like if these perceptions and beliefs changed. If we formed these relationships with one and other.

You make friends through friends, or through other relationships. But how often do you just make friends? It used to be the case before sexual desires developed, back in school before you knew what sex was you’d make friends openly as it’s just the desire for friendship and there was no perceived ulterior motive. But now, since the development of your sexuality, how has this changed? meditate on the change between then and now, how often do you make new friends just to make new friends?

You also make them through relationships, so I would make friends with a girl if she’s in a relationship with my friend. But how strong is the friendship? Would my friend who’s with her just let me go for food with her as a friend? And why not? If you’re true friends with them both wouldn’t this not be a problem? Or will he think you have an ulterior motive? Would he trust you? Would he trust her? would she trust you?

When their relationship ends, although you’ve been good friends with her. Do you remain friends with her when they’re no longer together? If not… why not? And does that mean you didn’t really form a true friendship? Just because you met through him, does that mean now they're not together you’re not allowed to remain friends? Why not. She’s a person, he’s a person. There’s no belonging to each other in reality. Why is it perceived to be? Why are you supposed to not maintain the relationship now they aren’t together?

I’m just sharing thoughts, what’s your perspective?

Much Love

JBH

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