A New Leg Dance

by Steve Wardrip

She came upon Carolina, said she’s settled in this place. Her outlook was different here than anywhere on Earth. I agreed and she bought me a drink. I said thanks she said let's get out of this place.We went to a safety meeting in the parking lot. I left the one hitter on the ground and I walked outback with her and her dog, we agreed to meet up , went back to the bar, someone got beat up, I slept in the back of a pickup truck and got smashed, hammered. Glad no one saw me.

She said she wanted to show me a new leg dance. I said, “Well, show me.” She wanted me to somehow participate. She kept pulling on me. I had enough and went up and punched her boyfriend in the nose and left out the front door. She called to say she was sorry. I told her there's nothing I could do about the hit squad that they were coming after her and she’s d better leave town, out the back door. I think she lives in a biker fish camp in Waxahatchacoola. I saw her drunk in a bar and she was drooling with stunning makeup in a tight red polkadotted sequined one piece dress with “Dorothy From Kansas” Ruby Slippers.

I moved back up Northwest and took a job in a fish cannery in Seattle. I was the oldest, so they made me the manager. How do you manage stoned clowns? Easy. You say work your ass off or you’re fired. Pretty simple really. Turnover is high. I still work there. That’s all that matters.

As soon as I saved up $5,000, I made the jump to Carolina. I got a job at a plastic injection place that makes weird little parts for curtain rods. Whatever. 7 until 4, hour lunch, insurance and vacation. I get to live in an apartment with a crazy old guy next door that keeps bugging me about helping him work in his garage on Saturdays. I can’t figure that one out so I just say, no, I’m busy. He says that can’t be true because I’m always home on Saturdays. I tell him I work on the computer in order to get paid. He doesn’t believe me and he leaves me notes to that effect. I figure he will stab me to death in my sleep because I won’t do the garage thing. Quasar! (Who cares?)

Monday morning, ducks need fed. I bought a car. A 1997 Mercury Mistake. I got new seat covers and a fuzzy pink panther rear window air freshener. It smells pink inside my car. That’s ok. It goes good with cheap cigars.

There are all kinds if jobs here. I host Bingo on Tuesdays at the senior center.

I work. I give my money away. Not many are appreciative, so I have a change of heart. I decide to charge double for my products and services. Now they will appreciate them or they won’t get them. If you want the best, you need to pay for the best. Professional is just a word unless it’s proven. I prove in so many ways. I prove I am worth it. Am I better than the next guy? Yes.

I am a publisher. Not only am I a publisher, I am the best publisher. My work appears worldwide to a great reception. I teach the world to think.

Can you think? I challenge you to fill in the blank answers to the questions.

QUESTION #1— “What will improve the life of man?”

ANSWER #1: __________________________________________

QUESTION #2 — “How will you accomplish this?”

ANSWER #2 — ________________________________________

QUESTION #3 — “What worked? What didn’t? What is the solution?”

ANSWER #3 — ____________________________________________

Thank you for thinking and putting your knowledge to usefulness.

If I can ever help you, just let me know.

Always expect to help others.

Always expect to help yourself.

Always help.

Always dance.

Always be happy.