Before I Jump

by m.s.wardrip

WIKI — How To Bungee Jump

All things considered, I will die whether or not I bungee jump. That said, I’m jumping soon.

“I’m jumping soon.”

If I die in the bungee jump, here are some things I want known about me.

My legal birth name is Nathan Daniel Douglas. My monogram is NDD.

My nickname is “Indy” and my imaginary friend is “CupCake”, who is a girl who works at a soda-fountain. She is blonde, beautiful and fun. She has a big toothy smile and knows how to dance the “Dirty Dog”, knows the band “Indy and the Dirty Dogs” personally and has all their autographs, CD’s and a framed photo of her and the band. I am Indy. I am a dirty dog. She is a pristine, clean pink and white cupcake with creamy dreamy icing. Her cupcake paper dress is made of lace and trimmed silhouettes. Her smile is of a bright red cherry on top. She has been my constant companion every night of my life. Still is. I love Cupcake. Cupcake loves me. We’re as happy as can be.

Cupcake is not like Angie who stole everything from me. First, she lied to me and said of I would love her, she would love me. I loved her but she didn’t love me. All she wanted was my money. I gave her everything and she ran off with Bill. Bill is a bastard and he knows it. He told me he would use her and then throw her away. She didn’t believe me and I told her what would happen. She dumped me, ran away with him. He got her pregnant and ran away with Danielle. Then he told me he would do the same to her. The silly girls don’t want my true love. They want danger and then they get a shock when it’s not fun anymore and he leaves. I stay but they just want my money. Now what?

“Now what?”

Before I jump, I acknowledge it’s all about the money. If I survive the jump and start over, it’s all about the money. I will offer the money for love in the first place and I can have any girl I want. I won’t tell them it’s for the money, but I will flash it first, as bait and if they bite, I catch them and get my money’s worth. A plan I can live with.

“Don’t jump to conclusions.”

Things will be different then. I can walk up to Cupcake and say, “See, these girls don’t lie. They take the money and they are happy. They tell me they are happy and they are. The more money I give them, the happier they are.

It’s no wonder that I have a lot of girls! I have a lot of money. At least, I had a lot of money. I gave it away to all the girls, but I am happy, so I got my money's worth. If I would have trusted them for love, I would have lost my money and been hurt too. This way, I don’t get hurt when I lose my money, I get happy instead. Funny money. Funny Hunny. Funny bunny. Fun and done. Run along hon. We’re done. Hey bunny, wanna have some funny, oh look, here’s some money. Now we’re done, gotta run. Son! This is how it’s done.

Chicago, Atlanta, Houston, Fresno, Abilene, Moline, Aberdeen, The New York scene and burbs and villages in between, the Indy buys product and service that meets his needs and feeds the machine. Some falls through the cracks and gets to those in need. Some just piles up like wasted soybeans on the side of a railroad track to be eaten by vultures, rodents, or to rot in the hot long day sun, bringing noxious vapors to fumes that drift to nearby city streets to be distributed among vagrants nostrils. Some money is wasted. Some girls love is wasted. My love is wasted. My money is worth something for the effort it took to get it. It is a fair and exact way to barter. Next!


The weeds grow in cracks in the sidewalk like people jump off of cliffs. It does not really matter. No one is manicuring either. Only a careless greed driven blade finds this weed worthy of chopping down. Confused? Sure, we all are.

Don’t think that because I jump, I have all the answers. I don’t. I have questions that the jump might answer.

“Why do we want to hurt ourselves?”

Cupcake knows and understands, but I broke up with her. She is for broke guys and I have money and girls.

The girls don’t understand.

Cupcake understands why I hurt myself and others.

See this money? It’s yours if you want it… if I want you, that is. Either way, I get my way.

Right, Cupcake?

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