Uncharitable
Why I Grumble When Giving
Last year I wrote a Christmas piece about my ritual of annual giving.
That was my thoughtful, sentimental — dare I say charitable? — side. This year, I’d like to grouse.
I’ve been on the boards of non-profits, and I know how difficult it is to figure out how and how often to ask for donations. It’s important to strike the right balance between being forgotten and being a pest. It’s critical donors see you spending their contributions wisely if you want to keep receiving them.
Every year, but only once per year, I give to an array of charities. I toss requests in a drawer all year long. When December rolls around, I haul them out for sorting. It’s a mini sociological study of solicitation.
Large organizations have professionals telling them how often to solicit and tweaking the ask. I suppose these are smart people and base their reasoning on something. But I can tell you, the larger the organization, the more their solicitation practices are likely to piss me off.
Small organizations are careful with resources and seldom request donations more than once or twice a year. I like this. It makes me feel the lion’s share my meager contribution is being used to further a charity’s program.
It really ticks me off when I start getting jump-the-gun notices six months in advance that my “membership is ending soon.” Monthly asks for this or that rejiggered initiative or “petitions” and “surveys” — that are really “don’t you feel guilty sending this back without a donation” asks — are profoundly annoying. And, of course, there are the ubiquitous, unsolicited, “but we expect you’ll want to pay for this” address labels, calendars and cards. What a waste of paper and postage.
Another expense I can’t fathom is the inclusion of an actual stamp on the enclosed return envelope. A “no postage necessary” envelope is one thing. Those don’t cost more than the envelope until it’s used. But a real stamp? That’s a upfront outlay.
When more than one of these stamped envelopes per year is sent from an organization, it’s a downright waste, because I’m only giving once. I can’t bear to throw away a stamp, but it doesn’t feel right to use it to pay a bill. That stamp was bought with money intended for charity. So, I squirrel away these envelopes, cover the addresses with blank stickers, and use them to send donations to other charities. This year I had 13. Waste not. Want not.
But what I really don’t like is fakery. “What?” you ask. Yes.
Have you, dear reader, recently received a solicitation with a handwritten note by a muckety-muck of some organization? You might want to compare it with the handwriting sample below.
I received two letters from two different shelters (my dogs’ alma maters), one in Louisiana and one in Maine. The text of each message was specific to the shelter. But I don’t need to be a forensic handwriting analyst to see Ana Zorilla and Patricia Murphy are either the same person or the “handwritten” note was generated by an Autopen-type machine using a stock script.
Really? Was that supposed to dupe me into feeling important? It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I’m not so petty that I didn’t give. After all, I’m giving for the animals’ care, not because I care to be noticed. But I do have the right to call bullshit and to ask why. Why generate a “signature” that is demonstrably not your own? That’s just wrong.
