What is the antidote to being bad?

Most of us, at some point, realize that we aren’t as good as we hoped we would be. We aren’t as loving, aren’t as kind, aren’t as hopeful.

I realized this last week when I found myself raising my voice and getting really frustrated at my kids on our way out to school. Upon further reflection (aka. my wife pointing it out), it was clear to me that I was not being the dad I wished I could be.

So what is the solution?

It is just trying to be better? Do I try to stuff all the bad things down and replace it with good stuff?

In Luke 18, we come across a parable about a Pharisee who has it all together. He is the prototype of a superb religious person. He hasn’t ended up like the rest of us failing dads, but instead gives his money away and keeps all the really hard rules. Contrast him with a tax collector standing nearby who is a total failure. He can barely pray, barely stand upright and feels utterly ashamed and guilty.

But in a shocking twist, we learn that only one man went home right with God, and it wasn’t the Pharisee. It was the tax collector.

Which brings us full circle to my opening question — what is the antidote to being bad? It’s not being good. Goodness is a byproduct of the solution, not the solution itself.

As Tim Keller writes somewhere, “when you realize the solution to being bad is not simply being good, you are on the brink.” The antidote to being bad is to humbly look for mercy and grace. This is what the tax collector received. The problem with only being good is that it can lead to pride in those good works.

There is a hidden temptation in morality and goodness to trust in that instead of the grace God offers.

So, when you are a disappointing father, when your kindness, mercy, grace and love are deficient, look for grace, not just to be a little better.

(To hear a full message about the Pharisee and Tax Collector, go here.)