#BigParentingIdea — The #1 Thing We Should Talk With Our Children, But Few Ever Do

My parents always wanted the best for me. They cared that I have a ‘good life’. There is no doubt about that in me.

I guess, like the majority of parents in this world, everything you could describe as ‘better’ they wanted it for me.

And I’m grateful for everything they did for me.

But in this jigsaw puzzle, one piece was missing. A piece that was quintessential to the whole picture.

Nobody ever talked to me about a ‘good life’.

It was as if everybody knew by default what ‘good life’ was. As if ‘good life’ was actually one thing to all people. One-size-fits-all solution nobody would even bother pondering.

Unfortunately, my parents always put money above everything else. Find a way to riches and the world will be a beautiful place was a mantra I often heard from them.

But I was never so sure about that. I mean, they (my parents) had decent money and their lives didn’t seem that good to me. Besides, marrying a rich girl just to get access to her parents’ dollars (bigger dollars than my parents’) sounded so odd to me.

Something wasn’t right with this philosophy to me.

I never told them that their philosophy sucked shit, but I admit that it was exactly what I thought.

There was a tension between us. I guess they believed in the legitimacy of their philosophy and wanted me to subscribe to it. I, on the other hand (thinking that their philosophy sucked shit), refused to subscribe to it.

Nobody ever asked me

“What would a good life look like for you?” or

“If anything was possible, how would you like to spend your days?” or

“Would you rather make millions and hate what you do every single day, or love what you do and not give a damn about how much you make?” or

“With which of the following statements do you agree (agree more) 1/ ‘How you make your money is more important than how much you make.’, and 2/’How much money you make is more important than how you make it.’?”

But I’m far from stating that my parents subscribed to the worst philosophy on Earth and that they sucked shit. It’s not about judging who picked the right one and who picked the wrong one. It’s about imposing our life philosophies (whatever they are) on our children.

Even if we think that our life philosophy is the best in the whole world our children deserve to be allowed to pick or put together their own life philosophies.

They might take from our philosophies, if they find something that they agree with or something that appeals to them (for example how my father didn’t care what other people thought about him), find even the smallest positive crumb in something they generally disagree with, but they should be allowed to put those pieces together on their own.

It’s not enough just to want the best for our kids. It’s also not enough to want the best for our kids and impose on them our understanding of a ‘good life’.

In order to enable ‘the best’ for our children first and foremost we need to talk to them about what would a ‘good life’ mean to them and let them put their own life philosophies together.

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Writing is my oxygen. I write every day. About parenting, career life and the challenges of being a young adult.

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- Lukasz