#BigParentingIdea — Zero
I want zero
contact,
or care,
or attention,
from my son
or any other member of my family,
which is done out of the sense of duty.
Zero.
Should I call my parents or should they call me?
How often should I get in touch with my parents?
Should I visit my parents once a week (or more / less often)?
Do I have the duty to contact/ call my parents when I’m an adult?
What kind of bullshit is that? I mean, really.
You want to call, you call me. You don’t want to call, you don’t.
You want to stay in touch, you stay in touch. You don’t feel like staying in touch (because you are going through a difficult time), you don’t.
You want to visit me, my door is always open for you. You can’t (because you have other plans), you don’t.
I will do those things whenever I’ll want to. Because I’ll feel the need, or because I’ll feel that you might need it.
I will never contact you, or take care of you, or offer you my attention out the sense of duty. Why would you have to do it for me?
I won’t sue you if you don’t do those things.
Why?
Because I don’t care whether you do your duty, obey social norms, or abide by the law.
Not as far as our relationship is concerned.
If I want someone to contact me, care for me, or give me her/ his attention because she/ he has the duty, I first need to make a deal with that person (and pay money for this or offer something else in return).
After all, if you don’t feel like doing those things, it means that I screwed up big time. As your parent and as a human being.
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- Lukasz
