Nintendo Customer Service Training!

Do you work at a department store in 1991? Are you tired of customers trying to abuse your return policy? Let Nintendo of America guide you to prosperity with this video that teaches you how to deal with skeevy customers. This video, sent out to retailers in 1991 who sell Nintendo products, covers some scenarios that customer service reps are likely to come across when selling electronics. The first one involves a middle aged man bringing in an unboxed NES for a return that looks like his kids literally shit on it.

Of course, this person has voided the warranty of the product and would be unable to return this in its current condition, but the video shows an employee who tries to keep his composure while the customer tries to weasel the store to accepting it.

The host, pictured above, narrates the program. He says “What are you supposed to do? Tell them what you really think? Of course you can’t do that.”

What do they think I want to say? “Sorry sir, we can only accept returns that aren’t covered in human waste?”

Next, we get this dude that the narrator calls a “bully” because he thought he could turn down the contrast on his Game Boy and pretend that it isn’t working. You sure showed him by inspecting the product in front of him!

Beyond that, we get this confused mother who thinks her son’s NES isn’t working because she has the controller plugged into the wrong slot. At least this one is sincere.

The mom asks “Can I bring you a pie later?”

The narrator throws out some sales figures and assures you that Nintendo’s products are of high quality and are rarely faulty when they are sold. They remind you that the SEAL OF QUALITY proves this.

So what are you to do? The narrator reminds you that you are not an engineer so you shouldn’t be expected to understand complex mechanical issues, but they have answers!

This guy comes in and says “I’m having a problem with..I mean my KIDS are having a problem with the Nintendo.” He and the employee laugh because OF COURSE grown ups don’t play video games! Lucky for you, Nintendo has provided you with an onslaught of materials to address the concerns of this closet nerd.

One option is to refer the customer to one of Nintendo’s many authorized repair centers (or their national customer service hotline) to take care of issues that you can’t handle in store.

All of those boxed NES games…*drool*

Also, they’ve provided you with manuals and charts galore to see if it is an issue you can treat on site.

What do you think? Are you ready to be the only person that stands in the way of pesky consumers trying to cause your business to lose money on returns? Check out the whole video to get a better feel of everything. Thanks to Randy Cornetta for the upload!

Originally published at www.retrogamedad.com on May 23, 2016.