Nintendo’s Booth at a 1994 Trade Show Starring Perverted Donkey Kong!

In the 1990s, the Video Software Dealers Association would hold trade shows for the entertainment industry to promote their products with elaborate displays, giveaways, etc. The expo held in 1994 was no different, and Nintendo was one of the companies advertising their current & upcoming products to the masses.

The video I’m discussing was said to be a video recorded by Nintendo themselves to document the event. Everything starts out innocently enough, featuring a few minutes of video documenting how Nintendo’s booth looked and the games they had on display, but eventually the video essentially becomes nothing more than evidence documenting the floating head of a gorilla sexually harassing every woman that comes within eyesight.

Click through for the TRUTH!

Even Guile enjoys playing video games.

When we first cut to Donkey Kong, who is actually a floating head on a TV screen mirroring what is in front of the TV, he is already doing his thing. We see him sneaking a kiss in on an unsuspecting woman and asking her to marry him. When she declines the offer, Donkey Kong cries out in pain, asking her if she can hear “the sound of the jungle.”

Will someone please stop this?

Most of the video is focused on Mr. Kong’s efforts to seduce a specific woman. This woman, in particular:

Moments after her arrival, Donkey Kong asks her if she is ready to “swing from my vines.” No, I am not making this up.

After what appears to be several minutes of banter between the two, they seem to draw a sizable crowd around them to watch the proceedings. There are few things an audience enjoys more than watching woman-on-gorilla relations.

Eventually, Donkey Kong announces that he wants to whisper “sweet nothings” into her ear. Knowing the creepy shit he’s done so far, who knows where this is going to go. She prepares for it, Donkey Kong leans in, and he says “….Donkey Kong Country, baby! Uniracers, baby! Stunt Race FX, baby! Are you getting hot yet?!” He continues “Tin Star, baby! The Illuuuuuusion of Gaia!”

So his ultimate plan finally comes out. His goal was to reel women in, get a crowd to watch him attempt to seduce her, and when they are all engaged the most, hit them with advertisements for Nintendo’s upcoming titles! What a monster!

After this ends, a Nintendo representative appears to lead this woman away, and of course the camera follows. What could they be doing? Oh god..

THEY LED HER BACK TO THE ROOM WHERE THE MAN OPERATING THE DONKEY KONG HEAD IS. GET THAT POOR WOMAN OUT OF THERE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

He is wearing jorts and he even tells the people behind her to leave and “turn out the lights, baby!”

To watch the terror unfold yourself, please check out the video below.

Many thanks to Toad T. on YouTube for uploading this video and exposing the truth about Donkey Kong and men in jorts!

Originally published at www.retrogamedad.com on April 21, 2016.