Belladonna
Crisp air rushed in through the open french doors, blowing Rosalie’s brown hair back and lifting the edge of her floral skirt. When she turned, a flurry of red-orange leaves waved at her from the tree in the backyard. She stepped out onto the balcony, basking in the warm sun and the first signs of fall. Next to the tree was an open patch of dirt, the perfect place to plant the rose bushes she had always wanted. The floorboards creaked behind her, a sign that she wasn’t alone, that she never would be again. She smiled to herself, knowing she would be perfectly happy here.
Within a few weeks, they had their routine down. Rosalie had had her doubts about moving across the country away from her dad recently buried next to her mom, away from the small town in Oregon she grew up in, away from everything she knew, but after just a month, she knew she made the right decision. Donna, had been offered a promotion– the chance to run her own law firm– in DC that she couldn’t say no to. Rosalie had been working as a data scientist remotely for the past three years, the result of her intense social anxiety, and was more than willing to finally move in with the love of her life. And Rosalie really was loving her new life, but with Donna gone for much of the day, she began to feel bored, almost lonely at times. Normally, she would spend the afternoon with her best friend, but she hadn’t spoken to Penny in months. Not after her father committed an unexpected suicide that left Rosalie lost and confused and Penny couldn’t even come to the funeral.
That was the breaking point, but it started over little things. Rosalie was spending more time with Donna, since they’d gotten more serious, and Penny accused her of choosing Donna over her. Then, she stopped doing things with two of them and would only see Rosalie when Donna was out of town or sure to be busy. Then, she started actively disliking Donna, accusing her of all sorts of things she would never do. It was hard for them to even get along after that.
“Is it even a friendship worth salvaging if she won’t respect your boundaries?” Donna asked, gently enough, one night when Rosalie had finally broken down about it. “I don’t think she has many other friends and you and I becoming close… Well to her I think it’s like I stole you from her.” Donna lowered her eyes, a sign of guilt that pulled at Rosalie’s heartstrings.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t steal me from her. I think you’re right. Penny’s just jealous.” Donna smiled, relieved that Rosalie didn’t see it the way Penny did.
“I’m sorry she’s acting so crazy. You don’t deserve that. I wish I could just make the problem go away for you.”
She knew then that Donna would always be there for her.
On one of the last sunny days before the chill of autumn set in, Rosalie had been at the farmers’ market when she thought she saw someone familiar… “Matteo?” She raised her hand to wave. “It’s Rosalie. From high school?” The confusion fell from his face as he came over to hug her, pulling along a little girl who shared his dark curls and toothy grin.
“How have you been Rosie? What are you doing here?”
Rosalie was thrilled to have a friend again. They went out for coffee after perusing the market and caught up on their lives. It’d been almost eight years since they had talked, but they picked up their friendship right where it left off. When the sun started to set, and Selena started becoming antsy and bored of her coloring books, they called it a day and headed home, but made plans to meet up the next Saturday. Then again the next week. And the tradition continued for the rest of October. Until one Saturday afternoon.
Donna had a luncheon set up for the firm in a nice banquet hall. It would look a little silly, embarrassing even, if she had told everyone to invite their families and didn’t bring her own girlfriend, Donna had said. Matteo wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. She could cancel just once.
Maybe twice, the next weekend, if Donna needed her help preparing for an upcoming case. Three weeks wouldn’t hurt if the last showing of an art exhibit Donna really wanted to go to was Saturday. And it would be good to have some quality time together for the weekend. By the fourth week, she’d almost forgotten about it entirely.
In early January, on a spontaneous date to the bookstore, Rosalie and Donna ran into Matteo. Pleasantly surprised, she called him over, excited that the two would finally meet. They exchanged greetings, talked about the rest of their Sunday plans, and shared the books they’d picked. Poor Selena, anxious to get back to the children’s section, interrupted the friendly debate between Matteo and Donna over the recent book they read. Rosalie offered to take her, not wanting to cut short their bonding, and Selena couldn’t have been more happy.
They had only made their way halfway through the mystery section when Matteo came around the corner, looking like he’d just seen a ghost, and picking up Selena hurriedly. He put the books she had picked out back on the shelf, assuring they would come back for them later.
“What’s wrong?” Rosalie asked.
“Nothing. Nothing. We’re just, uh, late. That’s all.” He looked over his shoulder. “Listen, I really enjoy being your friend, Rosie, but I can’t risk…” He pulled Selena a little closer, despite being far too old to be carried at all. “Being late. Just be careful, Rosie. Take care of yourself, okay?” He put enough emphasis on the last sentence to send chills down her spine. She wanted to call after him, but he was already making his way toward the exit.
She met Donna in the same spot she’d left them. She didn’t have any of the anxious energy Matteo had. If anything, she looked bored thumbing through a stack of old magazines.
“What was that about?” She asked Donna.
“Does he always call you Rosie?”
“That was my nickname in high school.” She hardly saw how that was relevant to the disappearing act Matteo just pulled. “What happened while I was gone?”
“Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.” She shrugged uncomfortably and turned away.
“Donna, why was he so freaked out? What did you say?”
She whipped around, short, dark hair catching on her red lipstick. “What did I say to him? He’s the one who stormed out of here.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She sighed, trying to calm herself. “Maybe I should talk to him. It hasn’t been too long, I might still be able to catch him if I–”
“No,” Donna said, grabbing her arm. “Just let him go Rosalie. If he doesn’t want to be your friend, you shouldn’t force him.”
“Donna!” Her wrist throbbed under Donna’s hand. She watched her for a second, waiting for her to take her hand away. Eventually, with a look of regret, she did.
“I’m sorry. Let’s just go home.”
They were silent the rest of the way home. On the walk back, Rosalie was reminded of something Penny had said in their conversation before she left for DC. Something she had brushed off as completely absurd, but that now seemed to carry more weight.
“Are you serious? That doesn’t even look like Donna.” Rosalie said, but she hadn’t given it more than a glance. She couldn’t believe that was the kind, loving woman she fell in love with.
“‘Belladonna Marie Brooks widowed after the suspicious death of Jack Brooks who was found dead on impact after a nasty fall from the 20th floor of their New York penthouse.’ Open your eyes Rosalie. Anyone can dye their hair and shorten their name. This man died after dating her. She’s dangerous!” Penny’s blue eyes were wild behind her glasses. She shook a little, from the caffeine or the crusade against Donna, Rosalie wasn’t sure.
“That’s just a coincidence. Plenty of people probably have that name. She didn’t kill someone, Penny. She’s a hundred-and-ten pound, five foot three, family law practitioner.”
Penny took a deep breath and shuffled the papers she printed as evidence, clearly not getting anywhere with them. “Don’t you think it’s weird that she wants you to move across the country with her after only dating for six months? After your father just died? It’s not just me, you know. He didn’t like her either. He told me he got a weird feeling from her one night. He–”
“Stop. Just stop. Don’t talk about my father. You lost that right when you wouldn’t even show up to the funeral last month.” She couldn’t believe Penny had the audacity to bring up her father, her dad who treated Penny like his own daughter.
Penny froze, looking mortified once again. “I said I’m sorry. Donna told me it was Saturday, not Friday, I swear. I never would have missed it–”
“Except that you did. You did miss it, Penny.” She stood suddenly. She thought she’d gotten over it, but with her vendetta against Donna rearing its monstrous head again, she realized she couldn’t move past it. It was hard to believe that Penny, her best friend since fourth grade, would turn on her and everyone in her life, but it seemed like she didn’t know her that well after all. “We’re moving to DC in two weeks. I think this move will be good for the both of us. We’ll get some much needed space.”
Several days passed as she mulled over what Matteo and Penny had told her. They both seemed… afraid of Donna. Which was crazy. Belladonna was the single best thing to happen to her. She didn’t understand why they both felt so threatened by her. Why they felt she should feel threatened by her. She wasn’t sure what to believe anymore.
The floorboards creaked overhead. Donna was in their room, right over where Rosalie sat trying to read. Each bend of the wood echoed in her ears, groaning in misery, sounding almost about to snap. The wind beat against the house, howling between the trees. At times, the walls would settle, seeming to shudder. The whole house seemed to embody the anxiety coiling in the pit of Rosalie’s stomach.
She thought back to everything Penny and Matteo had said. Alone, they both seemed paranoid to her. Two coincidental occurrences of friends who happened to not like Donna. But together… Was there something to be afraid of? Was Belladonna dangerous? She could be protective at times, which some might interpret as controlling and overbearing, but Rosalie had never seen it that way. Not when she was nothing but loving to her, loving like no one else had been. But now, it seemed, there was no one else to love her. That couldn’t be because of…
Donna stood in the entryway, cloaked in darkness except for the light from the single lamp lit next to Rosalie. She flinched. She hadn’t even heard her come down the stairs.
“I like watching you read sometimes. You get so wrapped up, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.” She smiled, but something about it felt sinister. The thought was silly. She brushed it away as quickly as she had thought it. She needed to stop letting everyone get into her head. She knew Donna. She knew her better than anybody… right?
“What did you do before you moved to Oregon?” Penny’s question, but she realized she didn’t actually know. Once she started asking questions, she couldn’t seem to stop. “Were you ever married? What’s your middle name? Why haven’t I met your parents? Or your friends?”
“Where are all of these questions coming from?” Donna moved next to her on the couch, grabbing her hands. “You’re all worked up, Rose. What’s wrong?”
“It’s just… Matteo won’t talk to me anymore. Penny and I haven’t spoken in months. And losing my dad this year… It’s just all too much. And I don’t have anybody left.” The tears overcame her suddenly. Her chest shook violently with sobs and she collapsed onto her shoulder.
“Are you done?” Donna asked when her shaking was reduced to a light trembling. Rosalie leaned back, out of shock more than anything else. Her eyes were ablaze, contrasting sharply with the ice in her tone. “I’ve been patient with you for a long time, Rose. Watching all your friends turn their backs on you was hard enough, but to sit here, unappreciated, unrecognized, is just…” She shook her head, a rueful smile playing on her lips. “For you to say that you don’t have anybody left… just feels like a slap to the face.”
“Donna, I didn’t mean–”
“I know exactly what you mean. You mean all those times I was there for you, holding you together when you were falling apart, letting you cry to me for hours over Penny, sacrificing my own feelings so that you could feel better, they weren’t enough. I’m not enough.” Her voice dipped at the end, a crack in her hard exterior that made Rosalie soften.
“Donna, you are more than enough for me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” Shame and guilt washed over her. How could she have been so selfish?
“I just hate that… that I’ve done nothing but love you and you still want them over me. I don’t understand why you keep letting these people who don’t even care about you hurt you. Why would you even want them in your life when they can’t give you what I can? When they can’t love you the way I can?” Her eyes were glassy, and Rosalie felt her own tears start to fall.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Rosalie begged, tentatively grabbing Donna’s hands once more. She almost cried in relief when Donna took them, and then took her in, giving her soft kisses across her temple. They stayed like that, absorbing each other, for several minutes, until Donna wiped her tears and offered to get dinner started.
With that, Rosalie headed upstairs to wash her face. The dark and the quiet enveloped her, with the only sound coming from her own breath and the distinct chop of Donna’s knife downstairs. She sighed in relief. They had worked through everything. They could move forward. Rosalie would focus on the one person who was there for her, who always would be.
She was reminded of the same feeling she had when she first walked into their bedroom. In reminiscence, she moved out onto the balcony, feeling her toes go numb in the three inches of snow she was standing in. But she didn’t care. She enjoyed the fresh air, the darkness, the quiet. All around her there was nothing… nothing but the moan of the floorboards. Her last thought, peering out at the dead roses in their garden, was how perfectly happy she was.
