Random Access Memory
I’ve got bullshit on my mind seems like more and more of it keeps piling up and playing on repeat but if I try to focus on it a little too hard I get left with nothing yet I have to figure out why the bullshit is there or my fucked up adhd caffeine addicted dehydrated brain will keep getting fuzzier and hazier until its unbareably loud like when you would turn on the tv without the cable box on and its just white noise and scratching with that feedback black and grey popping along the box you remember those old tv’s? You know the kind where after you turn it off, and all the light on the screen zips towards the middle, and if you run your hand over the glass you’ll gather enough static to shock your sibling
Shattered fragments of strong details
That alone do nothing but with many
Clink and reverb along the walls of the brain
A coast of rocks clacking in the tides
But that’s the shit I’m stuck on right some minor detail in my meatsoup mind that got triggered from the depths of wherever memories go in my unmedicated graveyard of thought then they stick around and cloud up my free brain power till I work them out
Notes to self:
- Where do memories go when they die?
- Is a repressed memory just an undead version of myself making themselves known?
- Now I gotta fight zombie thoughts.
and I mean it’s getting pretty crowded as of late up in my storage I keep thinking about the smell of my Nana and Tata’s laundry room you had to walk into the house through that side door and it was this smell of powder laundry detergent that comes in huge plastic bags that have Foca in big red letters under a baby seal for some reason there’s lint on the dryer and it all mixes in the air and gets slightly stale I know its cause she died recently, at least I’m pretty sure that’s why, but I smell that smell when I’m walking on the street and I just fucking cry I can’t allow myself to think on it too long though or more shit digs its way out of its grave and pushes into my ear with the same uncomfortable ringing that rubbing alcohol has when my mom and nana used it to get water out of my ear and it hurts but they say it doesn’t so I guess it doesn’t shit I’m monologuing though and now I got one more fucking thing up in my head
