sobs from a new life
i like my new life, maybe a little too much
your home isn’t mine anymore
and losing touch isn’t so hard after all
but the small talk from a birthday text will always be refreshing
if only i knew
that our world would implode
it’s only gotten harder to take my piercings out
but every time i bleed
i know it only takes 18 seconds on the microwave
and two halves of a hot minute
to be clean again
that’s tolerable pain
i still keep the saline in the green bottle you gave me
i wonder if you meant it when you said you hate me
maybe i’ll find an answer in the books you left
my mom misses you, but not more than i do
i wish we could have stayed as friends
i wish we could have stayed as something
the grief from your absence is something i’ll have to learn to live with
even though the days are slowing down again
and i don’t count to ten anymore
i wish i didn’t find truth so sacred
so i could have stayed quiet
so that i wouldn’t have lost my faith
in you
in us
and in everything i knew, long before we met
after everything, i still ask myself
if i’m allowed to feel this low
but i like my new life, too much i would say
i’m learning to keep myself company
and im getting tan again
don’t get me wrong, i can still drive my mom crazy
but crazy is better than distant
you said i’m a shooting star
but my wishes came true,
you’ve gifted compassion to your loved ones
and i hope one day, you can grant me that mercy too
