How to be a 21st Century Revolutionary?
The Internal Revolution
I was raised as a diplomat, living around the world because of my parent’s job. It has been a very unique journey. I always introduce myself like this:
“Hi, I’m Julia. I used to live in Denmark, Vietnam and Australia. I’m American. Now I live in Korea, which I like.”
Korea is the first place I have chosen for myself to live.
I know I’ve been very lucky to have lived this way, and I don’t take it for granted. This journey has also been very lonely and painful, and very few people are able to relate to my experiences. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but they are very isolating. Following this path, which I know I am privileged to have experienced, I saw the world very differently. I went to school with children in other cultures as if I was one of them, but was also very clearly, not. Knowing that my time would end with my friends in other countries was painful, as I moved onto the next thing.
I spent so much time away from America that when I came back, I was also not American either. I couldn’t relate to other’s experiences, even though I listened and learned a lot, and they couldn’t relate fully to mine. Since my childhood had been an extension of US foreign policy, I studied international politics in university, hoping to make sense of the world and how to improve suffering I’d seen. It provided no clear answers, except existential dread and the knowledge of systems of power and powerlessness. My mental health declined, and I struggled to find answers of how to be a good person in the 21st century and how to create a better world. For a while, I wondered if my very existence just made things worse for others and the planet. I reached absolute nihilism, that nothing mattered because we all suffer at the hands of endless consumption and exploitation and no amount of philanthropy could ever make up for polarization and greed on such an internalized and massive scale. At this lowest point, I found BTS and that’s when my internal revolution began.
BTS is a group of musicians I’ve never met that have somehow become deeply precious to me and whose message is now a part of me. If it sounds crazy, it’s because it is, and every few weeks, I rationalize it differently and then give up trying to rationalize it. Honestly, if you’re paying attention to the world closely, I think you’ll see a lot more irrational things. I am ARMY, BTS’s strangely appropriately named fans that include a wide expanse of nationalities, ages, genders, and sexualities, with the commonality of a language-barrier and ethnocentric shattering love for these seven talented and considerate young people from South Korea. BTS and their Love Yourself message changed everything about me. It was like nothing I’d ever seen or felt before. To put it simply, I felt hope and joy again. Meeting other ARMY from around the world continues to inspire me, since everyone is different, but we feel the same together deeply when we have these experiences. Something about that is revolutionary to me. Also, BTS’ messages in their lyrics create a lot of introspection for me and what I project onto their music helps me grow. Being ARMY is a remarkable, unexpected, and beautiful source of hope in my life.
In the 21st century, we have magic phones in our pockets that only a small fraction of the population knows how they work. These contain limitless and unfathomable information, which makes it distinct from all previous times in human history. We have a young, very global generation that is the most educated the world has ever seen, that is also bearing the burden of enormous mental health constraints (possibly related to said magic phones) but mostly due to generations of inherited pain, sizable rates of youth unemployment, and vague apocalyptic fears. It’s no different anywhere you go; the problems have the same name in different parts of the world but with totally different causes and effects. If you’ve been paying attention, these are other reasons why BTS is the zeitgeist in this particular century.
So, what can we do to make any of this better? Even with all the information in the world, why are we no closer to solving any of humanity’s problems? I’m starting to believe that revolution and real change comes from the inside and am increasingly taking an approach from a mental health perspective. For me, being a revolutionary means to keep changing internally to shape the change you want to see externally, and I think BTS understands this. I think it means to choose a beautiful and painful path and try to grow while continuing to look around the world with eyes that are open, questioning yourself and the world constantly. Being aware of the suffering we exist in is deeply painful. It’s up to us to feel that pain, find sources of healing, be a source of healing at times, and get back up again, on repeat, because that’s how change happens, in ourselves and in the world. Atleast, that’s what I think based on my experience, and I don’t have all the answers.
Today, I live in Ilsan, Korea. I chased my dream and continue the life I’ve always lived, which is that of new experiences, new countries, and learning. All I can do is grow and wait and support myself and others. I just try to exist, try to be a positive influence and to share what I’ve learned. I learn as much about Korea as I can; I ask my Korean students and my friends, I take small trips, I do language exchange and am learning Korean through BTS lyrics. I take life really seriously, which is sometimes not even a choice but a byproduct of mental illness, the path I’ve walked and the way that I am. I’ve come to realize how I treat myself is how I treat the world, so I try to be kind to myself and others. I trust BTS and I try to trust myself. Some days it’s easy, and some days I pick it all apart. I have no idea what kind of person I’ll be at the end of it, only that I know I’m building my future self. I just try my best to have hope in a fearful world.
If you’re curious about what I experience in Ilsan, I’ll keep writing and growing, and maybe it can be useful or interesting to you.
This is what I’ve been trying to do so far:
· Consider myself a work in progress and try to learn new things
· Love deeply; myself, BTS, ARMY, those around me
· Try to be a role model for my younger sister, an ARMY
· Attempt to bring positivity to the community I exist in, and actively try not to make it worse
· Work as an educator and a student. Realizing you don’t know everything is part of that process. I try to remove harmful patterns from English language learning in Korea as a job, and discuss progressive topics up among my friends when relevant. This involves listening to others’ experiences, especially on issues I won’t fully understand or relate to. It also means accepting that people might not understand some things, and sharing with them can help us both
· Hope (extremely difficult to do in a fearful world)
