Love Yourself: BTS and the Psychology of Self-Love
The South Korean band BTS is taking over the world. In 2018, two of their albums were the second and third best-selling albums in the world, and they were the second best-selling global artist overall, ahead of artists like Ed Sheeran, Post Malone, and Ariana Grande and second only to Drake. In 2019, with the release of their EP Map of the Soul: Persona, the septet has added more achievements to their growing list, such as their third #1 Billboard album within a year — without merchandise or ticket bundling — and the current best-selling album in the world in 2019, beating heavyweights like Billy Eilish’s WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? and Ariana Grande’s thank u, next.
The seven-member group — consisting of rappers RM, SUGA, and j-hope and vocalists Jin, Jimin, V, and Jungkook — has clearly captured the attention of millions of people around the world. This begs the question: what about them has led to this global success? The complexity of their three-album series entitled “Love Yourself” may give an indication of the answer. The Love Yourself trilogy, consisting of the albums Love Yourself 承 Her (2017), Love Yourself 轉 Tear (2018), and Love Yourself 結 Answer (2018), presents a journey to self-love that follows the structure put forth by the psychologists Erich Fromm and Joseph Magno.
Self-Love in Psychology
Though self-love has long been a focus of Eastern thought traditions, such as Buddhism and mindfulness, the Western intellectual tradition has only recently turned its attention to the study self-love. Prior to the groundbreaking work of psychologist Erich Fromm entitled The Art of Loving (1956), Western society’s conception of self-love was overwhelmingly negative, characterized as selfish, narcissistic, and the center of egotism. The negative conception of self-love was deeply engrained in Western thought, as seen in the work of major Western thinkers such as John Calvin, who “speaks of self-love as ‘a pest’” and Sigmund Feud, who views self-love as “the same as narcissism, the turning of the libido toward oneself” (Fromm, The Art of Loving 57–58). Conversely, selfless love was placed on a pedestal, particularly within Christian thought, as a major indicator of living a virtuous life (Magno x). If self-love was not viewed as identical to selfish love, it “was typically relegated to a hopelessly trivial status” (Magno xi).
Recent scholarship, kickstarted by the work of Fromm, has moved away from this conception of self-love, possibly spurred by the increasing visibility of extreme self-criticism, depression, anxiety, and similar experiences in modern society. The view of self-love as something negative, as selfish and egotistical, simply makes it more difficult to practice self-compassion. Author Sharon Salzberg argues that a lack of self-love “cuts us off from our deepest potential for connecting and caring” (10). In a highly critical, competitive world, it is easy for self-criticism to take over the narrative. The toxicity of this mindset and its effect on our psyche reveals the necessity of self-love, for, as Salzberg points out, “[i]n some sense, self-love is the most difficult. You’re also the most convenient person to hate” (10).
However, in a post-Fromm world, self-love is now generally defined as “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth,” and this drastic shift is partially due to the Fromm’s influential work, which launched the psychological study of self-love (Wood 1).
Arguing against the conception of self-love as narcissistic and egotistical, Fromm posits that not only is self-love not selfish, but that it is inherently valuable and centered on the same four principles on which love of others is centered: care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge (The Art of Loving 26). These four aspects of loving are all interconnected and fused, as each is less meaningful without the others (Fromm, The Art of Loving 29). Extending these same four considerations towards oneself is self-love and is inherently an act of compassion and a recognition of one’s own humanity.
Furthermore, in an earlier work, Fromm argues that external relationships are affected by the presence or absence of self-love, as he makes a distinction between healthy and unhealthy relationships based on whether each person retains their “sense of integrity and independence” (Fromm, The Sane Society 32). In a healthy relationship of love, “the paradox happens that two people become one, and remain two at the same time” (Fromm, The Sane Society 32). Without self-love, these four qualities that Fromm states are necessary for healthy relationships with others are inherently undermined. In this way, Fromm underscores the importance of self-love, positing that in order to love others genuinely, the love must be rooted in a love of the self, for “if [an individual] can love only others, he cannot love at all” (The Art of Loving 60).
Building upon Fromm’s foundational work nearly fifty years later, the psychologist Dr. Joseph Magno locates the origin of non-self-love and weakening self-love in self-rejection, which is “to devalue yourself. It is to demean your self-worth, to dismiss yourself as less deserving, less good, less lovable” (5). Such rejection can quickly become a self-rejective cycle that self-perpetuates. The longer one remains in this cycle, the more one believes in the devaluing of the self that manifests in unhealthy relationships (either romantic or platonic) in which one looks to others to gain inherent value (Magno 5).
Magno outlines four steps to move from this self-rejective cycle to a state of self-love: (1) the realization of one’s situation of self-rejection that results in unhealthy relationships; (2) the acceptance that remaining in such unhealthy relationships is no longer beneficial; (3) the decision that “you’ve had enough of suffering” and must end the relationship; (4) the recovery of self-love through self-acceptance (36; 86). The key to complete the path to self-love is self-acceptance, as it “reverse[s] the pattern of self-rejection” and “constitutes the essence of unconditional love, namely, the non-judgmental reception” of the self (Magno 86–87).
Where do Korean musicians fit into this academic exploration? With their Love Yourself series, BTS weave a storyline with a narrative arc that echoes this journey to self-love constructed by psychological intellectual study. Although these albums are nearly entirely in Korean, the translations of their messages resonate with a larger human experience irrespective of linguistic and cultural barriers. The trilogy of albums, released months apart, are extremely cohesive; the outro of one album leads directly into the intro of the next, and removing one album makes an analysis of the series’ message critically incomplete. Analyzing BTS’ music through the psychological framework provided by Fromm and Magno, I argue that the narrative BTS has crafted in the Love Yourself series follows Magno’s four-step journey from self-rejection to self-love.
Love Yourself 承 Her
The first album in the trilogy is Love Yourself 承 Her, whose lyrics portray a love that is seemingly predestined and perfect. The album’s tone and style of music are reflective of this romanticized vision of love. Her is full of seemingly upbeat, positive music with an EDM (electronic dance music) inspired title track. The album seems to be a happy and cheerful celebration of a love that is meant to be, though it is necessary to note that this album still retains BTS’ patented musical diversity, with tracks such as the scathing hip-hop banger “Mic Drop” and the melodically entrancing and lyrically striking “Pied Piper.”
The lyrics of the album’s title track “DNA” tell the story of a flawless and fated love: “From the day of the universe’s creation and on/Through the infinite centuries and on/In the previous life and maybe the next too/We’re forever together/All of this is not a coincidence/Cuz we’re the two who found the destiny.” The aesthetic of the song’s music video reflects its joy about this love with its vibrant colors. However, there are images that belie this seemingly perfect experience of love. The music video is full of otherworldly and surreal images that give the impression that the love BTS is describing is perhaps not reflected in reality (Photo 1).
The video also introduces an architectural structure that will return — in different forms — in the following two albums, acting as an indicator for the state of the self in each step of the narrative. In “DNA,” this recurring structure, shown in Photo 2, takes the form of yellow scaffolding without real construction; it is nothing but a frame. This reflects the truth of the love described throughout Love Yourself 承 Her: lacking in substance and underdeveloped.
This reality is finally suggested lyrically in the final song of the album, the laid-back hip-hop track “Outro: Her.” It is in this song that the visual hints originally provided though images dissonant with the lyrics in “DNA” are explicitly mentioned. The song reveals the reality of the relationship: Rather than being the perfect love previously described, it is inherently flawed because the love is centered completely outside of the self and lacks a foundation in self-love. The lyrics describe this outward-facing love: “Your smile and happiness are what determine my happiness/Does someone like me deserve to be loved by you?” (Doolset, “Outro: Her”).
The self-worth of the protagonist is based entirely on the love of the other person, not on the love of the self. This is reflected in how the protagonist has begun to realize that they have fundamentally changed themself in order to win the love of the other person, as RM raps, “But I found myself/The whole new myself/Even I’m confused about which one is the real me/Is it that I learned after meeting you that I’m a book/Or is it that you turned my page?” (Doolset, “Outro: Her”). Rather than the healthy relationship that Fromm describes as centered in self-love wherein each person retains their individuality, the love revealed here is one in which the protagonist’s self is submerged by the other’s: “I’m fine being my fake self as long as you hold me” (Doolset, “Outro: Her”).
This song also introduces the motif of the mask that recurs throughout the rest of the series with the lyrics, “I can never take off the mask/Because behind the mask I’m not that guy you know” (Doolset, “Outro: Her). This sentiment is rooted in what Magno describes as self-rejection, as the protagonist changes themself and creates a sort of persona in order to gain the love of the other because they see their true self as “less deserving, less good, less lovable” (5). In this way, the mask motif represents the protagonist beginning to realize their own state of self-rejection. “Outro: Her” therefore contradicts the narrative of predestined love described in the lyrics of the previous songs and validates the hints of a darker reality alluded to by the otherworldly and surreal images in the music video of “DNA.” The love described in this first album is thus reflective of Magno’s first step on the journey to self-love: the realization of self-rejection that results in unhealthy relationships (36).
Love Yourself 轉 Tear
As the last song in the first album, “Outro: Her” provides a conceptual transition to the second album in the series: Love Yourself 轉 Tear, which is striking in its immediate contrast with Love Yourself 承 Her. In the place of the upbeat pop of the previous album, Tear offers darker, more soulful and reflective genres of music such as R&B, trap, and emo rap. The narrative of the album traces the protagonist’s realization of a split within themself, as the person they have been acting as is not their true self, a concept that was first introduced with the mask motif in “Outro: Her.” The album is thus a struggle for a rediscovery of the self, asking the question: Who are you in the absence of an outside person defining you?
The first song in the album is an R&B solo song by member V entitled “Intro: Singularity,” whose narrative directly follows that of “Outro: Her.” The song denotes the awareness that the protagonist has changed to ensure the love of someone else and the realization of the disconnect between the real self and the persona. At one point in the song, V asks, “Have I lost myself/Or have I gained you?”
“Intro: Singularity” is framed by the imagery of a frozen lake that is beginning to melt, following an extended analogy that one’s true self is trapped in the frozen lake. The song begins with the lyrics, “The sound of something breaking/I awake from sleep,” signifying the breaking of the ice that hides the protagonist’s true self and the new necessity to rediscover it. With the realization of the disconnect between the true self and the persona, the lake begins to unfreeze and the protagonist must face their true self once more. V goes on to sing, “It’s ringing again, that sound/A crack again on this frozen lake/I dumped myself into the lake/I buried my voice for you.” The music video is strewn with ice imagery to highlight this motif (Photo 3).
Furthermore, the song visually continues the mask motif that was first established in “Outro: Her,” emphasizing the difference between the true self and the masked persona the protagonist has been performing (Photo 4). The moment with which “Outro: Her” ends — the discovery that the protagonist has fundamentally altered who they are in order to receive the love of another — is the moment where “Intro: Singularity” picks up; the difference is that in “Intro: Singularity,” the protagonist recognizes that the relationship is harmful to the self and thus no longer thinks the relationship is beneficial, reflecting Magno’s second step out of self-rejection (36).
Love Yourself 轉 Tear continues with the title track “FAKE LOVE,” which follows the internal chaos that comes with the realization of the disconnect with the true self as portrayed in “Intro: Singularity.” The next task? To end the unhealthy relationships and rediscover one’s real self.
“FAKE LOVE” is another exercise in differentiating the dichotomy of appearance versus reality, bringing up these themes immediately as the song begins with the lyrics, “For you I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad/For you I could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt/I wish love was perfect as love itself/I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden.” This song is a confirmation that the love described in Love Yourself 承 Her is shallow and not rooted in a love of the self, but rather in what Magno would characterize as self-rejection. The message is clear: the previous love was nothing but, as they lament in the chorus, fake love.
Visually, the music video is dark and gritty, reflecting the suffering of the situation of non-self-love. The architectural structure that was first introduced in “DNA” is brought back, but in a different state of being. In “DNA” the structure was nothing but scaffolding, signifying the empty and unrealistic nature of the love they were describing; in “FAKE LOVE,” the structure returns, but it is unkept and in disarray (Photo 5). The structure is more than just a frame as it was previously, but it is dirty, rusty, and in tatters, echoing the state of the soul amidst the self-rejective cycle.
If “Intro: Singularity” portrays the moment of realization that the love is unhealthy and no longer beneficial, “FAKE LOVE” marks the moment when the protagonist decides to end the relationship, with the apologetic cries of “I’m so sorry but it’s fake love” in the chorus. For these reasons, “FAKE LOVE” is reflective of Magno’s third step, when one decides to terminate the unhealthy relationships resulting from a state of non-self-love (36). Since Magno describes self-rejection as when “you… believe your self-devaluing assessment of your worth and goodness,” this third step — and, by extension, the song “FAKE LOVE” — marks the first moment of concrete action in the process of moving out of self-rejection, showing a rebuff of this self-denigration (5).
Love Yourself 結 Answer
The albums’ narrative then flows into Love Yourself 結 Answer, the final installment of the Love Yourself series. “Epiphany,” a heart-wrenching ballad sung by Jin, acts as the introduction to this section of the narrative, outlining the realization — or epiphany — of the importance of self-love.
The song begins with a reflective rumination of the narrative arc of the previous two albums, but from the perspective of one who now understands self-love’s necessity: “It’s so odd, I loved you so much for sure/I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you/But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart/I got to fully reveal my true self under the smiling mask” (Doolset, “Epiphany”). This once again brings up the motif of the mask, but this time with the determination to accept and learn to love the true self hiding behind it.
The message of the song — and indeed of the series as a whole — is found in the chorus, as Jin sings, “I’m the one I should love in this world/The shining me, the precious soul of mine/I realize only now, so I love me/Though I’m not perfect, I’m so beautiful” (Doolset, “Epiphany”). The lyrics’ call to accept and love oneself despite one’s faults stresses the importance of self-acceptance in a way that is similar to Magno, as he calls self-acceptance the “key to recovering self-love” (86). This song, and the album itself, are therefore reflective of Magno’s fourth and most difficult step: self-love through self-acceptance.
In the title track of the album, “IDOL,” the members of BTS take this lesson in self-love and apply it to themselves and their own lives. As BTS grew more and more popular on the global stage throughout 2017 and 2018, many different audiences, from the South Korean public and media to those of the West, attempted to force narratives upon them in ways that often resulted in an erasure of their Koreanness. Entering into the Western music market as people of color singing in another language, they received suggestions and requests to abandon their Korean music and release full-English albums. On the other end, as a result of their success in the Western music market, they received criticism that they were becoming “westernized.”
“IDOL” is a reaction to and categorical rejection of these narratives. Instead of bowing to any of these comments, BTS announce with “IDOL” that they ascribe to their own narrative; “IDOL” is a doubling-down and celebration of their own identity, and the message of the song is loud and clear: We are Korean and we are proud of it. In fact, the meaning behind “IDOL” is best articulated by V in an interview as “no matter what anyone says, we are who we are.”
Visually, the music video is littered with traditional Korean images. For example, several scenes show the seven members wearing hanboks, a traditional Korean outfit, while standing inside a building with traditional Korean architecture (Photos 6 and 7), and parts of the choreography interpret traditional Korean dances. The imagery in the music video is expansive enough to warrant its own analysis, and goes beyond the scope of this article.
The lyrics of the song also have deep ties with Korean culture. For instance, in the chorus, there are cries in the background of “Ursoo!” and “Jihwaja,” both of which are traditional exclamations in Korean culture, meaning “a sound you make out of excitement (or to make it more exciting) when you’re singing or dancing to traditional music in Korea” and a sound that “boost[s] the mood of performers or viewers with traditional music” respectively (Doolset, “IDOL”).
The song shows BTS accepting all parts of themselves, as embodied with the lyrics, “There are tens and hundreds of myself within me/Today, I greet another self/They are all me after all.” This self-acceptance and self-affirmation is exemplified in the chorus of the song, in which they proudly sing, “You can’t stop me loving myself!”
The music video also shows the final iteration of the structure that was a scaffolding in “DNA” and a tattered, rusty building in “FAKE LOVE.” The structure reappears in “IDOL” as a building with traditional Korean architecture, once again signifying how the members of BTS have accepted and are celebrating their identity (Photo 8).
“IDOL” therefore shows BTS applying the lesson of self-love and self-acceptance from “Epiphany” to themselves, as they double down on their identity and self-love.
The final song of the narrative arc, “Answer: Love Myself,” is a reiteration of the lesson of the series as a whole, acting both as a final reminder of what to take away from the series and as a recognition of the struggles of the journey to self-love. The song validates the difficulties involved in loving oneself, such as when SUGA raps, “Loving myself might be harder/Than loving someone else/Let’s admit it/Your standards are more strict when applied to you/The thick tree rings of the life/That’s a part of you, that’s also you/Now let’s forgive ourselves” (Doolset, “Answer: Love Myself”). Such self-acceptance and loving oneself in all of one’s faults are thus the center of this song.
The lyrics also bring back the motif of the mask one final time when Jimin sings, “Why do you keep trying to hide under your mask/When even the scars made by your own mistakes mark your constellations?” (Doolset, “Answer: Love Myself”). This is a yet another appeal to strive towards Magno’s fourth step: loving oneself through self-acceptance (86). The lyrical emphasis in “Answer: Love Myself” on non-self-judgment reflects Magno’s characterization of self-acceptance as devoid of judgment, and the importance of self-acceptance indicated by the song echoes Magno’s argument that self-acceptance is critical because it is “the way in which we express, actuate, and channel self-love” (91).
Conclusion
Any presentation of self-love in popular culture will be imperfect simply due to the nature of the medium; it is impossible to convey completely the necessary complexities, nuances, and variances of self-love as revealed in psychological analysis. However, despite these restrictions, BTS’ portrayal of self-love succeeds in nuancing the discourse and in starting conversations that are more indicative of psychological study than are other depictions in popular culture.
Rather than loving oneself selectively, loving one’s strengths while ignoring one’s weaknesses, BTS’ message is to accept one’s flaws because they are as much a part of the self as one’s strengths, mirroring Magno’s emphasis on self-acceptance as the key to self-love. The narrative arc of the series broadly follows the four-step journey from self-rejection to self-love within the psychological framework put forth by Magno, who builds upon the influential work of Fromm.
Echoing the academic framework provided by Fromm and Magno, the message of self-love through self-acceptance told throughout BTS’ Love Yourself series is perhaps best summarized by RM’s 2018 speech at the United Nations Generation Unlimited event, wherein he states,
“Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all of my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become.”
With a remarkable degree of nuance, BTS has managed to construct a narrative in their Love Yourself series that demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the importance and underlying psychology of self-love, and manage to do so through the medium of meaningful, catchy, and quality music.
(NOTE: Unless otherwise noted, all translations come from BigHit Entertainment’s captions on the song’s YouTube videos.)
Works Cited
Doolset. “Epiphany.” Doolset Lyrics, 9 August 2018, https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/08/09/epiphany/.
— — — . “Answer: Love Myself.” Doolset Lyrics, 24 August 2018, https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/08/24/answer-love-myself/.
— — — . “IDOL.” Doolset Lyrics, 24 August 2018, https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/08/24/idol/.
— — — . “Outro: Her.” Doolset Lyrics, 1 June 2018, https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/06/01/outro-her/.
Fromm, Erich. The Sane Society. Rinehart, 1955. Print.
— — — . The Art of Loving. Harper & Row Publishers, 1956. Print.
Magno, Joseph. Self-Love: The Heart of Healing. University Press of America, 2000. Print.
Wood, Hannelie. “A Christian Understanding of the Significance of Love of Oneself in Loving God and Neighbour: Towards an Integrated Self-Love Reading.” HTS Theological Studies, vol. 72, no. 3, 2016, pp. 1–10.
