I May Be The Pompous Ass You Think I Am- A Case For Non-Judgement
A friend once gave me a book written by Anthony de Mello, an Indian Jesuit priest, and psychotherapist. The book, Awakening, a posthumous publication, is short, but packs several sucker punches to the ego throughout. In it, de Mello clearly states, “I’m an ass and you’re an ass.”, effectively leveling the playing field for ALL asses which is to say any biped with an ego.
If you’re thinking you’re off the hook because your ego is in “check”, or that you’re not a biped, think again. Or better yet, don’t think at all. Ask yourself how you feel about being called an “ass”, that should be enough to rattle your ego’s saber for a moment while I retreat to my corner for the next point.
Oh, excuse me, I just found myself feeling a bit too mirthful, bordering on giddy as I stood over here in my corner and contemplated the skewering of ego, mine and yours. Let me get control of myself (a muffled scuffle is heard in the shadows).
I must admit deflation has never been my strong suit, but I’ve found it to be much preferred to the bulbous, overstuffed ballasting one gets after indulging in a sumptuous meal of empty, white carbohydrates or self congratulatory, false pride. Filling but no substance or character.
Now, there is nothing more withering than a good judging of a bad judgment. Having engaged myself in bad judgement quite readily in my life, I know this first hand, being the model recipient of many a scorching judgment over the years, which I’ve chosen to have cast into bronze. Probably due to a slight touch of martyrdom syndrome.
Conversely, I have a reserve seat on the “good” judges panel. I know it’s wrong to judge others, so I usually wear a disguise while doing it. Think horn rimmed glasses, big plastic honker and mustache, top it off with a floppy wide brimmed hat and you’ve got me. You see, sometimes we can’t help ourselves and de Mello knew this which is why he equivocally stated, “I’m an ass, and you’re an ass.” Our egos will be with us always, for better or worse, so we’d better tame them.
Why are we human beings so blasted judgmental? Oy, don’t get me started on this analysis, but suffice to say, I believe we judge ourselves and others out of-drum roll please: FEAR. I should like to credit author Gerald Jampolsky with opening my eyes to this wise pearl with his 1979 release “Love Is Letting Go Of Fear”. Nice title-great wisdom even if it is couched on the verge of the fluffy 80’s self-help movement.
I could map out my belief that everything, E-V-E-R-Y thing in life can be traced back to either fear or love. Period. Or we could debate and deconstruct; analyze this and that along with the subtleties of a+b=c, but in the end, I believe we will not fail to arrive at the crossroads of LOVE and FEAR.
Exactly what we’re afraid of and what we love is ours alone to define and worth every dinfitive effort to better understand ourselves. It’s part of the package deal handed us at birth, and I believe a life long mission to convert fear into love. And though I’ve fumbled it far too many times, I keep trying.
Someday, I hope my heart will resemble a Love Factory. Everything, everyone and every experience enters on a conveyor belt on the FEAR side, and comes out on the LOVE side. I know this sounds naive and childish but perhaps that’s the point, to be child like in our faith in one another and life.
When people have faith in me, even undeserved faith, I find myself wanting to rise to it in whatever way I can, instead of run in fear.
So, I may be the pompous ass you think I am, but my heart recognizes my shortcomings and among other more noble quests, is trying to get and keep my ego to a manageable size. Please bear with us.
s lynn knight 2016
