The 5am Club is a Big Pile of Lame and I Like Sleeping

I get up late, sometimes drink more than is medically acceptable and procrastinate more than I should. I get distracted by shiny things, like Netflix (have you seen Broadchurch?) and have trouble with serious conversations, where I use humour to transform meaningful conversations into pointless monologues about something inane.
I go to the gym semi-regularly, but there’s a really nice cafe just down the road, so sometimes I get distracted. Oh, I also drink too much coffee.
I’m not a motivation speaker.
I’ve been thinking about this because last Tuesday some asshole told me that I should join the ‘5am club.’ As you can imagine, I was pretty excited; it’s been ages since I stayed up until 5 am, and as a grown-up, I’m allowed to stay up as late as I want.

‘No…no,’ said the asshole. ‘It means getting up at 5 am every day.’
‘Why?’ I asked respectfully. ‘That sounds really stupid.’
‘It’s all about getting a jump on the world, taking control and winning the day. It’s been proven that most successful people are early risers.’
‘Interesting, and what is a successful person?’ I was intrigued, perhaps this asshole had a point, and I should start setting my alarm for…well, just setting my alarm.
‘Success means you’re earning more than you can spend and are living the life.’
‘What life?’
‘You know; fancy cars, woman, respect from those who matter and a secure future. Oh, and spiritual fulfilment.’
‘What if my idea of success is not having to get up at 5 am? Because I’ve tried it and there’s darkness and cold and my bed is warm and that’s where my wife is.’
‘Then you’ll never be successful.’

And just like that my fate was sealed; I am doomed because I don’t like being awake before everyone else. On the other hand, the stuff that I do is pretty fun and despite the fact that I am not a millionaire or the benevolent dictator of an African nation (yet) I get to be, me.
That sounded lame. I mean, I do what I want. Yeah, that’s way more adult.
The thing is, I don’t think that habits have as much to do with getting to a certain place in life as motivational books and that asshole seems to think. I mean, stuff sometimes just happens and although I like to beat myself up on unproductive days, who’s to say that it’s not those days that make me more productive on other days? What if a stress-nap and a drink slightly earlier than 5 pm isn’t the reason I work well on other days?
History is littered with people who lived life their way and still managed to not get randomly killed for being ineffective humans. So chin up, there may be hope for the rest of us who sleep until the sun comes up and then maybe watch Archer reruns while eating sugary cereal.