Did You Know There Is a Better Way to Do Counseling?
Sometimes when some people hear the words biblical counseling, they think about a two-tier system within Christianity: those who can counsel and those who cannot. If biblical counseling means that to you, perhaps you must change your thinking. God has given every Christian the ability to care for others (Romans 15:14).
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You may want to read:
- The Problem with Expecting Someone to Change
- The Doctrine of Repentance
- Eight Ways To Know A Person Is Changing
From the last article, we were pretending the prodigal son was sitting in your counseling office. Because you have read the story (Luke 15:11–17), you know the Lord is not going to grant the gift of repentance to him until verse seventeen.
He has come to you, though he plans to leave home so he can live independently from his family. His departure time is verse twelve of Luke’s gospel. During your time with him, you learn there are many things wrong with his thinking, not to mention his whacked theological perspective.
Your hope is for him to change, but you know you are working within a traditional biblical counseling window of opportunity. You also know it’s not going to happen because it was a long time before he came to his senses, which you learn in verse seventeen. Though you can only speculate, it may be another two years before he comes to an end of himself.
If you knew he was not going to change while with you then you would know a current biblical counseling time frame would not outlast his determination to rebel. It would not be feasible, practical, logical, or wise to string out the counseling sessions with him when he has no intention of changing.
This situation is where we need another system–a better system–for working with people. It must be a system that can work in the flow of a person’s progressive sanctification. Or, if God has not saved the person, that system must be able to plod along while being patient as you build the relational bridges to bring the person to Christ.
Traditional biblical counseling, which is person-to-person meetings in an office for a season to bring change, is not that system. I have been counseling for a long time and can tell you that most counseling does not work in a five-and-done or ten-and-done snap-chat.
In the prodigal’s situation, he wants to sow his wild oats, while the biblical counselor wants to drive him toward righteous repentance. That’s an impasse in the counseling office.
That kind of expectation and agenda from the biblical counselor will press any counselee between a rock and a hard place. The counselor is pushing him to repent, and God is not granting him the gift of repentance (2 Timothy 2:24–25).
Catching Them at the Right Time
Have you ever counseled someone, and within the first or second session they repented and made significant changes in their life? If so, you caught them at verse seventeen of Luke’s gospel (Luke 15:17).
They received the gift of repentance from the Lord, and you just happened to be sitting in front of them when He granted it. That does not happen often, but when it does, it makes counseling a pleasant experience for everyone.
Years ago an adulterous lady told me that I was an excellent counselor. She came to me for counseling, and through the process of counseling, she changed. Eventually. She repented of her sin and jumped on the road to Christian maturity.
I did not tell her what I was thinking. The truth is I am not that great of a counselor. I just happened to be the one in front of her when God broke into her stubborn, cold heart. After the Lord did that, she humbled herself, received His grace, repented of her sin, and began to change her life.
- There was a reason she changed.
- There was also a reason the fifteen previous counselees that I met would not change.
Let’s give credit where credit is due. It was because the good Lord brought her to her senses. He chose to grant the adulterous counselee repentance. From that point forward it was like painting-by-numbers. Any counselor will be an excellent counselor when the counselee decides to change.
The Best Counseling Context
Biblical counselors can put too much pressure on themselves to fix people if (1) the counselor’s understanding of the Lord’s role in counseling is not adequate or (2) they do not include the local church in the process of the person’s salvation or progressive sanctification.
In situations where the counselor does not have a strong discipleship church context, the counseling will have built-in liabilities, which will be a setup for unnecessary frustration.
People ask if I do the biblical counseling at my church. In my mind that is a trick question. I do biblical counseling at my church because I am a Christian, not because I am a person who does biblical counseling for a living.
Every member of our church is a biblical counselor, whether they know it or do it like me because the Bible assumes that every member of our church is a Christian. The issue in view here is not whether I like or am for biblical counseling. I do, and I am! I love biblical counseling.
And I’m trained to do biblical counseling. I pursued my ACBC Fellowship because of my affection for biblical counseling. I started this ministry for the intended purpose of spreading my passion for biblical counseling to the Christian community.
My love for biblical counseling is strong, but I have a greater appreciation for the New Testament local church doing the work of soul care. Because of my affection for the local church, I want to go the extra mile in not creating or implying a two-headed model for discipleship within the local church.
All biblical counselors believe at some level of their hearts that every Christian should be participating in the counseling process. Jay Adams has served us well in communicating this truth since his groundbreaking work in 1970.
His book, Competent to Counsel, set a new trajectory for the local church’s total involvement in the counseling process (Romans 15:14). He repackaged and re-launched the idea of counseling in a compelling way that has served multiplied thousands of churches.
Counseling Connotes Confusion
Though God has used Jay to do this fantastic work, I have observed too many local churches lacking total engagement in a comprehensive view of the practice of counseling (what the Bible calls discipleship), the very thing Jay said we should be doing.
Though everyone can and should counsel, most of the heavy lifting of counseling is given to a few people rather than all the people. Part of the reason for this is because biblical counseling over the past few decades has taken on a life all its own within the local church.
In some ways, it has mutated into an extension of the church or para-help that comes alongside the church to assist because the church is deficient in the sanctification process, or even worse they don’t know how to do soul care.
Part of the reason for this is because of the reclassification of the counseling process. Biblical counseling has become the new appellation that we map over the more appropriate and biblical term discipleship. Many people see the two terms as two different needs for the Christian.
Also, biblical counseling has unintentionally weakened the function of discipleship in the local church. It would be better to rename, restate, or reclassify biblical counseling according to its biblical roots. Biblical counseling by definition is too narrow of a term to encompass what it is supposed to do.
The term connotes a specialist or trained individual, who is a professional. The word can also lead a person to believe the average Christian is not qualified to bring counsel to someone else.
Though there is some specificity, precision, and training needed in the counseling process for certain counseling situations, we are shooting ourselves in the foot if we do not broaden the term by envisioning the entire church to participate at some level, according to the person’s God-given gifting in the counseling process.
Time for a Name Change
Instead of calling what we do counseling, let’s call it discipleship. Discipleship is more nuanced and gets into the nooks and crannies of the local church’s sanctification model.
Not only does biblical counseling reduce the number of people who are doing discipleship, but it can also lead to setting up artificial contexts (counseling sessions) that can manipulate or attempt to press righteousness on a person prematurely.
This self-imposed pressure for righteousness creates non-God ordained timelines for change. My earlier reframing of the story about the prodigal illustrates the liability of attempting to press for righteousness in an artificial context.
I long for the day when discipleship reclaims its biblical heritage by taking over biblical counseling through the engagement of the entire local church in a fully orbed, robust, one-another, body ministry.
There is a huge philosophical and methodological difference between counseling the prodigal son in a counseling context versus spending time with him at different points along his journey. It’s called doing life in the milieu: meeting him in the social environments in which he is living.
Practicing discipleship has many more advantages than biblical counseling. One of those advantages is it does not press the issue of repentance on a person but is pneumatic (Spirit-led), which builds, plods, speaks, comforts, convicts, and changes.
The Tortoise and the Hare
Discipleship and counseling are as different as the tortoise and the hare. The tortoise is poised, strategic, deliberate, well-paced, and methodical. The hare has a job to do, and it is about getting it done as fast as possible.
The hare may also be strategic and methodical, but therein lies the problem: His strategy is to accomplish the task now because counseling is not an open-ended arrangement or expectation, which can put counseling at odds with God’s plan of repentance for the person.
But if you are practicing discipleship rather than counseling, you know it is easier to keep a person in a church building rather than trying to get him to come back to an artificial context for change like a counseling office.
Loving a person is easier while doing life with him rather than trying to love him during a counseling session where you are calling him to repentance every time you meet. You can only do this for so long before it strains the relationship–to the point of breaking it off.
There are more advantages to discipleship in the local church when the entire body of a church is engaged in the process:
- The church can love and serve the prodigal.
- The church can love and care for his family.
- The church can model the life of Christ before him.
- The church can connect other members of the body to all of them.
- The church can provide hospitality.
- The church can provide a small group for them.
- The church can do lunch with them.
- The church can plan fun events with them.
- The church can engage them at the weekly church meeting.
- The church can provide biblical counseling.
- The church can patiently wait and pray for the Lord to grant repentance.
That’s a short list. No biblical counselor can provide that many things for any person or his family. If you can keep a person in the church building long enough, the likelihood of him repenting in God’s good and kind providence is more likely than five-and-done counseling sessions while sending them away with no regular connectivity to the body of Christ.
“Keeping him in the building” is not a static responsibility. It is spontaneous and structured. It is consistently providing love and care provided for those who need to change, grow, and mature in Christ.
Putting the Church to Work
The counseling office has a singular focus: I need for you to change soon. Discipleship in the context of the local church is a more relaxed environment. It permits people to live in the good of the gospel while coming alongside each other, helping them to follow their examples (Ephesians 5:1; 1 Corinthians 11:1; Philippians 4:9).
Discipleship is hard work. It is not for the lazy person. All hands are on deck, and everyone is busy thinking about how to live in the good of the gospel while inviting others into their faith walk with Christ.
Counseling has a counselor sitting in a chair, instructing another person on how to live for Christ. Discipleship is about doing real life with another human being while speaking into his life along the way, which is how Christ did it.
The counselor is challenged to build a robust relational bridge to speak the hard truth of God’s Word in love (Ephesians 4:15). The counseling context is almost like picking someone out of a crowd, sitting them down, and bringing difficult correction to them.
Most counseling happens between close friends. Most counselors are in the unenviable position of correcting someone they hardly know. Here is my tongue-in-cheek, five-step approach to biblical counseling between two people who do not have a prior relationship with each other:
- Hello, I’m Rick. Tell me your name.
- Wonderful! Now tell me why you are here.
- I love you very much!
- You are making a big mistake, and it would be foolish to continue down your current path.
- Will you come back next week so we can continue our discussion?
Though my five-step approach is hyperbole, you can sense the liabilities that are intrinsic to the counseling process. To add to this and to heighten the degree of difficulty, you have approximately sixty minutes to demonstrate your love for the counselee while bringing correction to them. (That is one reason I counsel for two hours.)
This perspective means you have sixty minutes to get to know them, love them, give them hope, call them to repentance and hope to create a desire in them to come back next week. Good luck with that weak model for progressive sanctification if it is outside a sanctification center, which is the local church.
The local church discipleship process is set-up differently. It can include specific, one-to-one discipleship opportunities, but it can do so much more. It has been my experience if the whole church is engaged in living a gospel-centered life, most of the so-called formalized counseling situations would not be needed.
Call to Action
- Is your local church coming alongside you, helping you with the soul care of those that you hope will change?
- Are you doing your part as a Christian counselor (discipler) in your church? If not, why not?
- What would need to change in your church to make it a more effective sanctification center?
- How can we help you in this good process?
Originally published at Rick Thomas.