He Did It Again
He did it to me again, yes and I am clueless why.
I am hurt,
I am in pain.
Why are those so important that he had to keep doing this to me? A question with an answer that I have yet to understand.
People would advise me to have a conversation with him about it and find a middle ground that we can both settle with. I have been there and done that. It did not bring us anywhere. It was just an endless cycle of disagreement.
I know it is pointless bringing it up to him, I have done it countless times and it did not end well.
I am tired of talking about it.
I am tired of arguing about it.
I am just… exhausted perhaps?
Maybe, the problem is me.
Maybe, I failed to understand beyond what I could understand at this point.
Maybe, I fail to see what I should be seeing beyond my bird’s eye perspective.
Maybe…
My emotions are clouded like fog, I do not know how to handle them. There are pain, anger, disappointment, sadness, and even more that I struggle to spell out loud.
All I can think of is to tell myself “Slow down, and breathe…”.
Gently reminded myself:
”You cannot control a situation that had to happen, but you can always control your response to the situation.”
“You cannot control the emotions that get triggered by a situation, but you can always control your behavior towards the situation.”
“Pain cannot be taken away once you are hurt, but you can heal from the wounds over time.”
“Despairs and sorrows OR joy and happiness, the choice is yours”
Wave goodbye to today.
Smile as tomorrow comes.
— Journey of Learning, Living the Present —
