Dos & Don’ts of Being a Protégé
How mentees can get the most out of a mentorship opportunity
During my career as a Design Operations Leader, I’ve had the pleasure of mentoring some pretty sharp recent college graduates, senior-level career changers, and even high school students from the popular charter school, dTech High School here in the Bay Area. I feel fortunate to have gained a significant amount of experience being a mentor at RingCentral, a company who strongly believes in creating opportunities for Interns, students, and folks simply looking for a valuable opportunity to learn from experienced professionals. I’m also reminded by my own manager that when I take on a mentee (or protégé) during one of these Internship programs, the goal is to teach skills and provide support to someone who has never done my job before. He reminds me over and over the following:
The number one goal of a mentor is for the mentee to walk away having learned something new that they can take with them, and then apply to their own career path and life journey.
Therefore, you can never take on a protégé (or Intern in my case) and expect that person to provide help to you. It is the mentor’s job to provide help to the mentee. So if you’re overwhelmed and underwater in your role, and you think getting an Intern is a great way to help you alleviate your workload, you might want to rethink that plan! That said, being a mentor is a wonderful way to help you build leadership skills if you’re interested in managing a team one day. In fact, I feel lucky that as a mentor I have always learned new skills that have helped me become a better, more effective, people manager and coach to the people and teams I lead. It has always been a win-win to be a mentor and help develop someone else.
Now, while there seems to be a lot of advice on how mentors and leaders can improve, there isn’t always clear advice on how a mentee can be more effective. As I started pondering this topic looking deeper at my own experiences when I was the protégé, I realized there were some steps in my own journey that I could have done better to make those mentorships even more effective for my career growth.
So, let’s start with the basic question: what does it even mean to be a protégé anyway? According to Merriam-Webster, their definition is as follows:
Protégé: one who is protected or trained or whose career is furthered by a person of experience, prominence, or influence. — Merriam Webster Dictionary
Understanding what you’re supposed to get out of a mentor-mentee relationship is an important first step in understanding how you can make the most out of it. As mentioned before, it is the job of the mentor to lead the mentee and provide overall support and guidance, but the protégé also has some work to do of their own. I’d like to share with you my list of “Dos” and “Don’ts” for those who are embarking upon a mentorship opportunity where you will be a protégé (or mentee) to a mentor.
Dos
Do recognize that you need a mentor
As you move forward in your career and life journey, there are many times when you’re humming along nicely and everything is going just fine. But during other times you may suddenly feel stunted in your growth, unsure of which way to go, or just plain stuck in a rut. These are definitely the times when it makes sense to have a mentor help guide you. However, having a mentor before you are in “emergency mode” is the best way to help avoid your career taking a wrong turn in the first place. However, there is evidence that suggests many people simply do not seek out a mentor, even if they want one and think it’s important. According to a Forbes 2019 article only about 37% of people have mentors.
“76% of people think mentors are important,
but only 37% have one” — Forbes Magazine, 2019
Mentors and mentorship opportunities can help you map out your career journey and strategy so you never end up in a proverbial “career parking lot.” So think about finding a mentor, no matter where you are in your career.
Do show an attitude of gratitude
This may go without say, but it is very important that your mentor feels like you understand and appreciate the time they spend helping you. While many mentors are willing to take on a protégé because they simply believe in “giving back” to those who came after them, it is important to recognize that mentoring another person takes time and energy. As a mentee, it is always good etiquette to thank your mentor from time to time and be considerate of their efforts.
Do be humble and open minded
In addition to showing gratitude and appreciation, the best way to show your mentor you really “get it” is to remain humble and open minded during your conversations with your mentor. It is important to make sure you are actively listening to feedback or suggestions you receive from your mentor. A good practice for you, as the protégé during your mentorship program, is to take notes during your meetings and follow up on the action items from the meetings with your mentor. That way, your mentor can see the progress you are making and help cheer you on!
Don’ts
Don’t expect your mentor to drive
A lot of mentees make the mistake of being paired up with a mentor, but then expect the mentor to drive their development. While some mentors may have some idea on how to guide you or even provide a program plan for you, most will not, especially if you meet with a higher level executive as your mentor. So what does that mean for you, the protégé? It means that you need to figure out what you want to get out of the opportunity first, then devise a program or plan that you will follow with your mentor. Ask yourself why you are seeking a mentor in the first place? Is it to learn a specific skill? Get career advice? Build your network? Get sponsorship for a promotion? Once you know more or less what you hope to gain out of the mentoring relationship, create a list of what types of questions you will want your mentor to help you answer or give input on so you can achieve your goals and further your career growth.
Don’t use time with your mentor inefficiently
If you have an action plan (as outlined in the previous section) then you are less likely to commit the next “don’t” which is: don’t waste time with your mentor. One common mistake that mentees make is showing up to a meeting with their mentor and not having an agenda or a specific topic they want to cover during the discussion. Most mentors prefer that the mentee define the discussion points. This practice not only alleviates your busy mentor of having to create meeting agendas, it also helps you, the protégé, build leadership skills by taking charge of the conversation and content you want to cover. This also helps you ultimately take control of your career.
Don’t limit yourself to only one mentor
Finally, another common “don’t” to avoid as a mentee is to make sure you have more than one mentor. There is no rule that says you have to limit yourself to just one mentor. Think of it similarly in how you’d choose a doctor. You wouldn’t visit a Podiatrist if you had a toothache, would you? Your mentors should match the expertise you are looking to gain based on what is in your action plan. So choose mentors that will help you gain the specific skills or answer the specific questions you have. Another reason to have more than one mentor is simply to gain more perspectives and ideas on how to approach your career. Gaining a holistic view from a variety of experts, and those more experienced than you, will only help you solidify your career plans and provide you with a stronger support network. More is generally better when it comes to mentors.
I hope these “Dos” and “Don’ts” have given you some ideas on how you can best position yourself as a protégé or mentee when you start a mentorship program. Remember, there are lots of ways to get the help and guidance you need in your career and in life, but you need to take the first step. While it’s scary and awkward sometimes to ask for the help you need or want, you’ll be glad you did. Especially, when you look back and see how it helped you get further along on your journey. Perhaps, most importantly, you will also learn how to be a strong mentor to someone else one day and pay it forward.
Good luck!
