Finding My Voice

Going into Humanities class on my first day of senior year was nonetheless stressful. A full layout of the class, our midterm exam, our semester long research paper, and the two hour presentation for our final. Our research paper and presentation ultimately determined whether I would receive a high school diploma or not. After months of drafts, writing and rewriting, extensive feedback whether it be from a peer or our teachers, and many mental breakdowns, it was time for me to submit the final draft of my research paper.

Although the research paper was a long and time consuming process, I underestimated how hard it would be to share the information I found with my peers in under two hours, not to mention I have severe anxiety when it comes to talking in front of others. I found myself again, anxiously counting down the days until my presentation. I had spent hours on end for weeks trying to figure out how and what I wanted to share with my peers. Time was ticking and I had less than twenty four hours until I was in front of the class presenting. I had so much I wanted to talk about and yet I couldn’t seem to out and of my ideas together.

At this point I was incredibly anxious and I did not know if I was going to be able to present. I messaged my teacher and said, “My anxiety is debilitating right now and I don’t know if I will be able to present in front of the class. The thought of putting everything together is overwhelming, I have some ideas but I am having a hard time putting them together. I feel unworthy and not good enough.” Within a few minutes my teacher replied and said, “Get all of your ideas down on paper, in any order it doesn’t matter. Tomorrow morning we will put them together. As for right now lean on friends and family to support you. I know you can do this even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Your topic is so important to you and you truly care about creating compassion in the world and that will shine through in your presentation.” So I did exactly that. I gathered the ideas I wanted to talk about and in the morning my teacher and I organized them and went over my presentation.

Just minutes before I was going to present, my peers and I were gathered in the halls, waiting for the room to be cleared by faculty. They reassured me that I was going to be okay, and I would do great. I walked into the empty room, moved the desks and I assigned each one of my peers to specific tables. At this point, there was no going back. I was in front of my twenty five peers and three teachers. I began talking about something I was so passionate about, it felt effortless. Time was going by quickly. Before I knew the presentation that I had been dreading since day one was finally over. The applause brought warmth to my body knowing that every person acknowledged what I had said.

With each presentation we had peer feedback sheets, they were intended to give constructive criticism to the presenter. When my feedback sheets we returned I was overjoyed. All of the feedback sheets from my peers were positive and they gave me great advice for my next presentation. It made me feel worthy. I feel like I did not waste their time and I was confident in my abilities to present in the future.

Everyone in the class helped support me through the research process as well as the challenges I faced with my mental health. Writing this paper was extremely challenging especially since it corresponds with challenges I am facing in my daily life. Looking back this experience was a stepping stone to show myself that I am capable of doing all of the elements that my thoughts told me otherwise. I found my voice in the classroom, and I was eventually able to be an active part of the class even though it was challenging at times. I was able to stand in front of my twenty five peers for two hours and speak about a paper that took me half of the school year to write. Even though there are times when I think of giving up or leaving because I am uncomfortable, I will remember the months of my life where I struggled, but the outcome incredibly rewarding. This moment changed my life because I was able to learn to care for myself, but I also proved to myself that even in the darkest most challenging times, something positive may come as a result, especially if you seek the help you need. I not only found my voice in the classroom but I found something that I was truly passionate about.

My senior year was nothing but challenging, but I was able to overcome one of my greatest fears, public speaking. After taking Humanities I realized how I made considerable changes in my life. I now am able to express my thoughts more clearly, and I am able to stand up and talk about things that are most important to me. I learned that I have a voice and my voice matters. I have a voice and I will continue to use it. I would have not been able to figure this out if it weren’t for the research paper and presentation.