Fear of the Finish Line

This week, I am one assignment, a few videos, and a test away from becoming certified as a Professional Certified Recovery and Life Coach. And I am full of fear. This is the finish line I’ve been working towards for the past 4 ½ months. The reason I am full of fear is, once I finish this training, I will have to start doing what I’ve been talking and dreaming about for the last year: be a Professional Recovery Coach.

You see, becoming a Professional Recovery Coach has been a dream of mine since around this time last year. I kept dreaming, and talking about it, but put it off over and over. First, I had to find the right training for me. Then, it was saving up enough money to do it. Finally, on October 13, 2017, I took the leap of faith, and signed up.

Which brings me to today. Fearing the finish line, because I’ll have to start putting words into action.

Starting anything new is a scary endeavor. We’re jumping from the known, to the un-known. Whether that be starting a new job, a new project, or getting sober. There’s always at least a little bit of fear.

The Finish Line of Getting Sober

The biggest finish line I’ve ever faced was getting sober. Towards the end of my drinking career, I was fearful of getting sober, and letting go of my one and only coping tool, alcohol. But, I was also fearful of what continuing to drink would do to me. I was unhappy most of the time. I wasn’t speaking to my family, and I had no friends to turn to. I was working, but thinking about quitting because I couldn’t handle the stress.

I had two options: One, continue drinking, and face the very real possibility that I would either kill myself or end up in jail. Or two, face my fear of the finish line, and get sober.

I chose option two, and I’m so grateful that I did.

Throwing Out Old Stories

There comes a time when we must throw out our old, sad stories, and turn a new page. One of the old stories I’ve told myself for years was, I’m not good enough to do X. Whether that be helping people on a professional level, beginning a new and more challenging job, or living a happy sober life. I didn’t think I deserved to live a better life because I viewed myself as undeserving. Thankfully, my sponsor reminded me continually that I deserved a better life, I deserved to be happy, and I could do this sober thing.

I began to challenge that little voice in my head that said I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough. I began to change the way I spoke to myself. And, I started to see how toxic those old thought patterns were. As soon as I saw those negative thought patterns for what they were, and began working on changing them, my life became brighter.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

– Marianne Williamson

What Are You Going To Do About It?

If you find yourself in the same boat as I am in now, ask yourself, “what am I going to do about it?” Are you going to continue to let fear drive you away from getting sober? Are you going to let fear drive you away from living a happy, useful, sober life? Are you going to let fear drive you away from being the very best that you can be?

Or, are you going to challenge that voice that says your not good enough? Are you going to say, “you know little voice, you are wrong, and I am good enough!”

I hope you choose the latter. I know I am.

Today, I choose to face that fear, challenge that little voice, and break through to a more sane and useful life. I choose to say, “yes, I am good enough to make a better life for myself. I am good enough to coach people on a professional level.” I am going to face that finish line, and begin a new leg of my journey.

But, what if you find that you cannot face this fear? What if you find yourself unable to meet this challenge, and cross the finish line? If this is the case, I will give you two questions that my mentor, Jodie Hebbard, gave to me:

What are you running away from?

What would your life look like if this dream/ goal/ sober life came true?

Answer these two questions honestly, and see how much your perspective changes. I’ve learned that sometimes, it isn’t the problem that’s keeping me from achieving my goals, it’s my perspective on the situation. Take a look at your life through a new pair of glasses, and don’t look back.

To growth, and crossing the finish line.

Mindy

Originally published at www.mysoberashes.com on February 21, 2018.