Four Years In Long-Term Recovery and What I Have Learned

Today I am celebrating 4 years in long-term recovery. So many things have changed this past year, while many things stayed the same. It has been a year of challenges, a year of growth, and a year of triumphs.

These past few weeks I’ve been reflecting back on what this year has brought me, and I have to say, I am amazed. I am so grateful that I get to share this sober journey with you all, and share my experience, strength, and hope here on this blog.

Ups and Downs

As I said in my New Year’s post, this year has been filled with fire. If you’ve read my story, you’ll know that I’ve had a hard life. Growing up with a mom who suffered from alcohol and drug use disorder was difficult, and brought many challenges to our family. But, through those challenges I faced, I’ve become a stronger person.

This year I grieved my lost childhood, and came to accept it for what it was. I grieved the loss of my mom on a deeper level than I have previously. And today, I can truly look back at my past, and not wish to change a thing.

I accepted that I have PTSD, OCD, and an anxiety disorder. I also learned to not be ashamed. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of. It does not mean that I am broken in any way. It means that I had a lot of shit thrown at me at an early age, and as a result, these disorders have cropped up in my life. In the next few months I hope to dig deeper here on my blog about how these disorders have affected my life, and how I cope.

I no longer consider myself an alcoholic. I used to think that the word alcoholic meant strength, courage, and a resolve to live a better life. But, through many different perspectives from others, I see today that that word was holding me back. I personally have not faced any repercussions or stigma from others, but I do see today that the word alcoholic carries stigma. Part of my job as a Recovery Advocate is to help change the tide of stigma, and choose my words carefully. To use first-person language such as “person in long-term recovery”, or “person suffering from alcohol/ drug use disorder”. Words hold tremendous power. The more aware we are of the language we use, the better this world can be.

I faced my fear of starting this blog, and beginning training. This year, almost one year ago, I faced my fear of starting my own blog. After a previous rough start with WordPress, I thought I would never get my blog up and running. But, with a lot of tears and frustration, I managed to do it. I am grateful today to have my own space to share my thoughts and experiences with the world.

I also faced my fear of beginning training to become a Professional Recovery Coach. This training was something I had been saving up for, but I was fearful about beginning. Not only because of the price of the training, but also because of fear of not being good enough to coach people. Fear of succeeding. Fear of failing. But, after a lot of prayer, I decided to sign up. I am grateful I did, because I feel more prepared today to help more people in the future, and carry out my purpose in life.

Preparing For Today

The first two years I was sober, I spent a lot of time learning how not to take a drink. Time spent learning new coping skills that would help me stay sober. And, time spent re-learning how to connect with other humans.

The third year was spent getting comfortable in my own skin, and beginning the process of uncovering the pain from my past. Year three was filled with a lot of growth for me, and a lot of learning.

This past year, year four, I feel like I slid backwards a bit. My anxiety came back with a vengeance. I felt my social anxiety more when I was around other people, and spent a great deal of time home alone with my kitties. But, I feel like the first three years were preparing me for what I needed to face this year. If I hadn’t gone through those first three years, learned what I did, I wouldn’t have survived this year sober.

Sobriety Is So Worth It

Whether you’re thinking of quitting drinking, or are just beginning your journey of recovery, remember that sobriety is so worth it. Yes, life is filled with chaos, ups and downs, good times and bad. But, it is also filled with magic, excitement, and new opportunities for growth.

If I can get and stay sober, you can too. I believe in you!

Keep trudging this road of happy destiny.

Mindy

Originally published at www.mysoberashes.com on January 16, 2018.