Pause, Ask, Discuss, Turn

These four words have become a vital part of my life. Here I will discuss how to:

Pause

Ask

Discuss

Turn

And how to improve the way you handle life’s little challenges.

Life catches me off guard sometimes. I’m a perfectionist and I like order mixed with a bit of chaos. But when it’s all chaos and not a lot of order, I get thrown off.

I try to stay where my feet are. In the moment. Not in the future. Not in the past. In the moment. Here and now. But I am human as much as I hate to admit. When I have a human moment, and something gets me, I’m thrown off. I get frustrated, fearful, or doubtful about something going on. Because shit happens. I’m not in control of my surroundings.

A lot of times I am reacting to a situation that is out of my control. More work piled on to my already full work load. Someone interrupted me while I was in the middle of something. Worrying about the outcome of something. Doubtful that I will get my “to-do” list out of the way before I get off work.

All these things boil down to one thing. Life. It’s like a game, and I’m one little pawn in the game. I move my piece (myself), and the other pawns (other humans) move on their own. But sometimes I get the idea that I know the best move for the other pawns. My idea will work best because I’ve done it before. And I start trying to control the other pawns.

What happens when I try to move and control the other pawns? They retaliate. They get angry at me for trying to move and control them. Or, they don’t follow my directions on how I think they should go. That’s where the doubt, fear, and frustration come in.

Pause

When I am frustrated, fearful, or doubtful, the best thing I can do is pause. I stop and take a breath. Come back to where my feet are. Think about what’s going on right at that moment. What’s going on that is causing me to react the way I am?

By practicing pause I’m halting the runaway train in my brain. The constant thoughts of turmoil that are racing and bouncing in my head. It’s a way for me to get a handle on the situation and bring myself to the present.

Pausing is also helpful because it stops me from flying off the handle. I can have a short temper at times. And sometimes I speak before thinking about what I’m going to say. About how it might affect the other person. About how it might affect me.

When I pause I give myself a chance to think about the situation and come at it from a different angle.

Ask

Next, I ask. I say a prayer asking my Higher Power (God, Creator, Supreme Being, etc.) for help. Just a simple little “show me which way to go” prayer is usually all it takes. When I ask my Higher Power for direction I’m saying that I can’t do this on my own. I’m trying to control the outcome/ situation instead of being guided. With my finite human mind I need all the help I can get.

Today I try to live my life the way my Higher Power wants me to live it. Is that an easy feat? No. I’m human and I do have free will after all. But, I find that my life goes a lot smoother when I do reach out for help. When I don’t try to handle things all on my own. It takes the burden off of my back and shares the load. Makes it lighter and easier to carry.

Discuss

After I pause and ask, I discuss. Sometimes.

I say sometimes because not everything is a huge, life-altering drama. Most of the time I’ve just gotten a little off track. Something bugs me for a minute, but after I pause and say a prayer, I’m okay. In these moments the little quake in my day is over. I realize that I am being a self-centered, controlling, and petty person. I correct my mistake.

But what about those times when something happens during the day that I can’t let go of? What then?

A perfect example of this is when my sister was getting close to her due date. She had had a complicated pregnancy and was looking at a complicated delivery. My biggest fear is losing my sister. We were never close growing up. Now, as adults, we’ve grown closer. Close to being best friends. So I was afraid of losing her.

This fear would pop up out of no-where. I would begin to think that it was gone, and then poof! It would come into my mind with the force of a tornado. Ripping through me, tearing me apart. I spent many nights crying because of this fear.

In these times of turmoil I found discuss to be of utmost importance. I would pause, and ask, but the fear wouldn’t go away because it was living in my mind. I’ve learned the hard way that things living in my mind can poison my thoughts quick.

So, I discuss. Most of the time I discuss things going on in my life with my mentor. Other times I discuss things with a close friend.

But the point is, I get it out of my head. I’ve learned that when something is eating my lunch, I have to talk it out. It’s important because it gets the poison out of my brain. Then, I can come at the situation from a more rational point of view. Or, the person I am talking with has a better angle that I hadn’t thought of.

Turn

Last but not least, I turn. As I said before, I am a selfish, self-centered human being. When I become fearful, doubtful, or frustrated I am usually thinking about myself. My needs. How am I feeling right now? And for me, that’s a bad way to think. It gives me more ammunition to fuel the fire going on inside of myself.

My remedy for that is to turn. I try to turn towards someone and look for ways to help. Or ask if there is anything I can do to help out. By doing this I am taking the focus off of my problems, turning away from myself.

Turning for me was especially helpful when I was fearful about my sister. I found that being of service to someone else took away my fears. Even for just a short while. It gave me less time to sit and think of all the horrible things that could go wrong. Less time to sit and dwell on things that were out of my control. For just a moment I was freed from that bondage of fear because I was helping someone else.

So next time you find yourself full of fear, doubt, or frustration look for ways to: Pause Ask Discuss Turn

Have these techniques worked for you in the past? Please feel free to share your experiences in the comment section below.

Thanks for reading!

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