Reasons, Not Excuses, To Drink
I am back, from a long hiatus away from writing. It was a much needed break as I was feeling burnt out. Today, I will discuss my reasons, not excuses, for drinking. I was reminded today, while reading a blog post, about a time when I thought drinking a beer after exercising was good for me. I had read an article that said that drinking a beer after exercising was good for muscle regeneration. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But, at the time, I believed it.
Was that an excuse to drink? Or, was it a reason? Today, I believe it was a reason to drink. At the time, my drinking wasn’t out of control, and I didn’t feel the need to justify why I was drinking.
Following this train of thought, I began thinking back on all the reasons I chose to drink. Because I believe today that I chose to drink. No one forced me to drink. I didn’t make excuses to justify my drinking. I just drank.
I’ve heard so many times in AA meetings that people drank because they were an alcoholic. That all the reasons they gave for drinking were just excuses to drink. I don’t subscribe to that idea today. At one point in my sobriety I did. But, every time I thought of my drinking that way, I felt icky. Like my feelings were being shamed, and discounted.
I no longer attend AA meetings, for many reasons which I will discuss in another post, which is why I am now breaking my anonymity. Please, don’t worry. I have other sober supports, which I will also write about later. For now, I just wanted to put that out there.
Looking back now, I feel like I was being held back from growth when I believed that I drank because I was an alcoholic. I feel like the trauma, the bullying, and all the shitty things I went through in my life were discounted and thrown out the window. Everything I’ve been through in my life is important, to me. Every feeling I’ve experienced is important, to me. I’ve worked hard to overcome the adversity I’ve faced in life, and no one can take that away from me.
The reason I drank was because I felt inadequate. I felt like I didn’t fit in with anyone, unless I had a drink in my hand. I drank because I was trying to cover up pain from trauma that I didn’t know I had. I drank because I was grieving the death of my mom. I drank because of stress. I drank for many reasons, and none of those reasons were an excuse.
I feel there is an error in teaching people that their reasons for drinking were just an excuse. I feel that more people could overcome their drinking if someone said, “Hey, you might have some trauma in your past. Maybe you should seek outside help to overcome that.” Research has shown that people who have Alcohol Use Disorder, Drug Use Disorder, or both have experienced some form of trauma in their life. Almost everyone I met in meetings had experienced some sort of trauma in their past.
I believe that we all need to speak up and share our stories. I believe that if we all speak up, share our stories, and help others find that link between why they drink/ drank, many more people could be helped. Many more people could find recovery, or moderation if they choose, and heal from events from their past.
Here’s to speaking up.
Mindy
Originally published at www.mysoberashes.com on June 8, 2018.
