Which Way Do We Go George
These past few weeks I’ve felt like Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz”, except I don’t have a yellow brick road to lead me in the right direction. I’ve frequently asked myself, “which way do I go?” Since there is no right or wrong answer, I must pick a direction, and see where it leads.
The reason for all this confusion is, I’m working on making some big changes in my life. My original goal was to move to another city where my dad and sister are, transfer to another store, buy a house, and start plans to open a Recovery Community Center. Individually, these are small changes. But, all together, it’s huge.
I was doing okay for a while, getting excited about living near my dad and sister, owning my own home, and starting fresh. It seemed like the sky was the limit. Nothing could stand in my way.
Until the bottom dropped out of my plans.
It turns out, owning my own home this year is not feasible. I cannot afford the monthly payments with the small down payment I was planning to make. This was a crushing blow, and not something I was prepared for.
Thankfully, I’ve learned to go with the flow, take things as they come, and trust the Universe to carry me in the direction I need to go. The message I received from my Higher Power was this — no matter how far you fall, I’ve got your back.
Up until this crushing news, I had been waiting for the bottom to drop out. Expecting something to go wrong, because that’s the way it had been for so long. Growing up, I learned not to get too excited about anything, because something always came along and ruined my plans.
However, this time was different. I saw two potential paths I could take. One, I could say fuck it, and scrap the whole moving idea. Or two, I could be grateful for what I do have, and change my plans about my living situation.
I chose option two.
You see, today it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can’t always have everything I want, no matter how much I think I need it. I can also lower my expectations about how I think something should turn out, and have faith that my Higher Power will lead me in the right direction, when the time is right. And, I can be grateful for what I do have already.
When my dad pointed out the fact that I cannot afford a house right now, I was sad. I felt like everything I’ve been working towards these past four years were for nothing. But then I realized that that was not the case. I’ve made a lot of progress these past four years, not only mentally and spiritually, but also financially. I don’t have enough money to buy a house, but I do have enough money to cover myself if something were to go wrong. Like, if my car breaks down, or I fall ill and can’t work. A lot of people can’t say that. I’m also grateful that I am able to face the fear of moving so I can be closer to my sister and three nieces.
I have so many great opportunities at my feet, but it’s going to take some hard work to bring them to fruition. No matter what happens, today I have faith that it will all work out. Maybe not as I imagine it, but it will work out just the same.
Originally published at www.mysoberashes.com on February 14, 2018.
