Being Brave to Overcome Fears
What room does fear have when I explore possibility and step into freedom (Jon Jorgenson)
What is Being Brave
On days I reflect on how I have changed and not what or who I have changed, I think about being brave in attempting something outside of my comfort zone and how overcoming fear has changed me by freeing me to look at the possibilities. The words “you are brave” have stayed in my mind for the past 7 months. Often not believing them but saying them over and over in my head and heart when I felt fear and the inability to finish what things I have been given to do here.
Seven months ago during orientation after our introductions, my host family father asked me how old I was, I told him 62, and his next three words were “you are brave”. At the time I was not feeling very brave at all but instead was full of doubt and fear that had crept into my mind and heart my first month of being in Tanzania. So I returned to Dodoma where we spent a month in August orienting to Tanzania. I have thought a lot about what those words meant then, now and how I have changed. It is not that I don’t still feel fear but I can look past it and overcome it. Because of that so many possibilities have resulted. I want to remember in my blog not just day to day surface experiences but changes I have had in myself. These take a little more time and are more difficult to write. But I write because I want to share with others my experience and to encourage you to also step out of your comfort zone to do something you think impossible whether it is in the U.S. or another country.
So this past week I wondered what was I thinking in December when I submitted an abstract (request) to present my American research on online nursing education to the 6th Annual Distance Learning conference in Tanzania. I just happened to find the conference while googling distance learning Tanzania. This has not only required me to learn how to navigate a professional research conference in another country and pull out my research and statistics thinking. But it also required me to do a 12-hour bus ride by myself ½ way through Tanzania from Mwanza to Dodoma the capital. So I can say I survived both the conference and the bus ride with some amazing rewards.
Brave to stick with a goal and not give up
When I think of those high school lists of those most likely to do something I’m sure my Tanzanian peace corps staff here and fellow volunteers would have voted me most likely to not make it and go home early. I wasn’t from a big city, had not traveled internationally except one week of my life, am pretty quiet until you really know me and if I value the conversation, and I couldn’t learn much Swahili. So I’m down to 3 months left and still hanging in there. Moving out of my comfort zone is not new by being in Tanzania just a little farther distance wise, and with culture and language. Since high school I’ve moved16 times plus lived part time 90 miles away from home during the week for 2 years as well as another two years worked part time on some weekends in another state to put two children through college. So a move to a foreign country was just a little farther and has had just a little more adaptation.
I have thought often from the beginning: what does it take to make it here each day, week, month in this experience. I have met many from the U.S. and other developed countries who have given up entire lifetimes to work here. My time is one year but I have often wondered even with that short time is it a) ability, experience and knowledge professionally 2) personal strength, resiliency, and ability to adapt 3) the drive inside of compassion and passion and desire to make some difference in the world, or 4) relying on others and faith when I feel the least able to remain here for a purpose.
I’m sure my life might be somewhat boring to some experienced travelers in our program. I am from a middle size town in the Midwest where most everyone speaks only English, have a rural an agricultural background, had the same job for 21 years. I see many in my group as having more “adventurous” lives, careers and goals. Some have climbed and run marathons on Mt Kilimanjaro here; visited many other countries and places in Tanzania. Some plan to travel the world for a year following this experience, while others doing further international work. Me, I’ll be happy to come back home, curl up in my chair and sit on my back porch listening to the quiet of the woods behind my house. But that will probably last for a few days until there is a nudge to listen to an inner voice calling me to do something more. Some days I want to be home and other days I am sad thinking about how close to the end of the year I am.
Early on in the experience I realized I did not come for the adventure and for the most part have not been interested in any new adventures. I have had plenty of those in life in a different sort of way yet I also want to not just live without challenge so maybe I do like some adventure.
My reasons for coming were a nagging desire to complete a goal I had in my 20s that I had not been able to accomplish-some type of international work and use my knowledge in nursing education. As I accepted the offer to come to Tanzania I thought about saying no — none of my stable friends did crazy thing like leave jobs with a salary, & retirement security. Then I thought if I say no how disappointed in myself will I be for letting fear keep me from the possibilities? As I applied I did so with prayers to accept if I got a yes and if it was no then that was an ok answer too. I said inside I’ve done many other risky challenges for others so how hard can this be in comparison? I think of the challenges and risk the past 30 years that had potential failures which have impacted me more than the easy secure times. When risks involve sacrifice for those you love they seem even more difficult than those risks you take for you own adventures, or some unknown person. I learned through these adventures what it takes to overcome major challenges and that the risks from making a commitment to care about others more than myself and my goals and desires have had the most rewards in my life journey.
I can say the rewards as I can look back will always be more than accomplishing something measureable in terms of worldly success. I will not have the most exciting awards, pictures and stories of my experiences but I can look back on the rewards and valuable growth in myself from having made it through those challenges. I know that deep inside I have a better understanding of those who suffer loss, somewhat poverty and having to work hard in ways that I did not always want to do, not always having choices in life, sacrificing for others and learning to be content with what life handed me yet never giving up on dreams even when I had to change them or wait on them.
As I was riding the ferry on Lake Victoria a few weeks ago I thought about what brave things I’ve done in my past and in Tanzania and what I’d learned through them. In my past there were times of overcoming fears being a single mom; wondering if I’d have money to feed my children and put them through college, yet because of overcoming those risks my life went in directions that had great rewards. I for a time ran a farm business that I knew little about while getting my master’s degree when I had 2 preschoolers. This has given me many open doors into people’s lives here that I never would have had. In the opposite order once I bought a house in Illinois; quit my job, sold my farm, then took new job (the backwards way of doing things in this life) experienced one more loss of leaving a dream behind for a better life for my family. But the outcome was an amazing for my family and I had a peace it was the right plan and went forward without doubts but with some fear. Then there was taking care of an elderly parent for 8 years while having adolescents creating fears of not being able to be there for everyone. Next came working 3 jobs (one in another state) so that I could put my children through college. As I look back I see how all those challenges really changed me, made me depend on God and others, gave me compassion and connection, and led to amazing experiences (and a PhD) and rewards that I could not have planned or imagined. So adventures of a different kind.
Fear versus Courage
Courage I think has more to do with acknowledging strengths than stressing limitations. From the beginning I have often thought with doubt and fear about the success in adapting and what I might accomplish here. Most of us if we are honest avoid things that create our fears. We strive for stability as we plan careers, go to college, get a secure job with income and the ability to have a stable life without fear. We buy homes and those with families try and aim for stability for raising children as that in itself is a risky adventure. We do so to avoid the unknown; because the unknown is hard and scary.
Here the unknown is how most people’s lives are every day. Even for those with more income, their families often experience death, famine and no jobs if the government is not hiring those graduating from college. Students hee accept the unknown of teachers coming to class, whether they can continue their studies if they have no money and alot of independent learning. When life goes without glitches with finishing education, getting a job, finding a mate or having children there are still fears but as life moves along and choices are made you become complacent in that your ability to manage life without glitches and struggle is the success you strived for and your hard work and sacrifice paid off. It is when life throws you curves and you no longer are in control of life — that fear can step into your life. For some it might be caring for or loosing parents, siblings, spouses or children; it may be not finding a spouse, not having wanted children, divorce, loss of a job; relocations and starting over, or having your own health issues. Sometimes we have no choice in these events and other times we choose the unknown or unstable path of change rather than security to reach new possibilities and rewards.
What Fears Are New to me in Tanzania
Once here I began to see the realities of what I was to experience and began to have fear inside me. The learning and communication (or lack of) in Swahili, being the minority and understanding everyday things, health care, and people around me. On the outside I tried to hide it but deep inside there was a huge lump of fear. Some were smaller fears (language, people, safety and the environment) and others were bigger (I made the wrong choice, the unknown value of my work, complicated work relationships, I don’t know enough, and possible and real failures).
Other fears during my time here were that I would lose my compassion for those living in poverty as I walk by it every day knowing I cannot help or change it. Looking at the hospital wards and the children and conditions that are fixable in America but are commonly accepted here as not fixable. Fears of loss of control in the workplace when things don’t work (computers, projectors,), and the printer that gives error messages in French when I’m confused enough figuring out Swahili.
The loss of control in living without schedules and planning. Though in the U.S. I would dread our regular faculty planning and assessment meetings. Now I have learned somewhat to be patient with never having collaborative meetings about classes, and waiting for schedules at work. In March, the second semester started and after almost a week of class I still did not have the day and time I am to teach. Being patient for meetings to start on time which occasionally they do but more often than not they do not. But then recently I was on the bus and it has a scheduled and they move and stick with it and sometimes a plane takes off 20 minutes early if everyone is checked in and on the plane. Sometimes when things need fixed someone says they will come but really they are being courteous and then just don’t show up when you have stayed home waiting for them.
As I struggled to adapt I would often think how sad that students and faculty and really people in general are so accepting of the way things are and do not create demands as they face every day things that they feel they cannot change. I’ve wondered how this is a cultural thing where they don’t do conflict with demands. Often I would come home disappointed in myself as I could not be tolerant and patient anymore and the fear that this would influence me even though I know I have made some progress in changing my acceptance of waiting for things and accepting the way things are.
Being brave and overcoming fear
Overcoming fears takes determination, time, energy, being strong, hard work, support from others, continual courage, hope, trust, and faith.
Some days I find the little things that make a difference in my wanting to stay even on the difficult days. It might be the neighbor girls who I see playing red light green light or tag that I taught them. When I returned for the 2nd semester one student from lat semester asked if I would teach them again and we had a conversation on how I might sneak into their class this semester if his real teacher notified them he would be gone and give them knowledge of how to teach online. There are the rewards of my master’s students returning early for second semester when I asked to start class the week classes began when they were told not to come and could have stayed in their village another weekend (reason was I was to be gone a week plus leave1.5 months before the end of their semester). But they came and their appreciation when I said I want to give you something of value this semester and there is only a short time. Then of course their appreciation for a simple flash drive given to them. One other goal of a project in the works I might tell you about later.
How overcoming fear and being Brave turns into possibilities you don’t even know exit.
Learning to be brave can happen ttby pushing through your fears as you trust others to help you along the path as well as your faith is an amazing journey. Overcoming fears also helps you realize that the things we fear are not always as difficult as we thought. And the rewards of helping someone, a program or even a country are so amazing.
So the trip I just came back from had several things I feared that I was able to overcome as well allowed me to help others.
This week I returned to Dodoma 7 months after we had orientation there. It seems like forever ago walking the roads, going into the same stores but it seems so different as I am the one who has changed not the surroundings. I did some reflection on what I had experienced in August and how it felt now to be in the same place yet I had become different. For those younger and more experienced this sounds pretty ridiculous but for me it gave me insight into overcoming my own fears of people and a country.
My first bus ride alone in Tanzania
Originally I was to ride the bus with my Tanzanian faculty but the bus he wanted to take got in 4 hours after dark so I needed to take the very early morning bus. Thinking of a bus ride by myself was not easy even though others in my group have done it multiple times. I thought of the long ride and what if I got lost at one of the bathroom stops in a place I had no clue about. I was able to get my bus ticket for the 12 hour ride through asking my Tanzanian faculty to help figure out the purchase of the bus ticket as one more new thing I’ll not use again was too stressful. Then with the help of our head cab driver who keeps us safe I was able to find the right bus at 530 AM in a dark and chaotic bus terminal I had never seen in the daylight. He waited and made sure my luggage was in the right place for when I got off and made sure I was on the bus. He laughed when I said “if I don’t make it back its been nice knowing you”.
Of course I did not know there were assigned seats until someone said you are in my seat. Then the unknown of the bathroom of which there are none on the bus. The first stop was after 2 hours and it was a behind the bushes (men one direction, woman another). I passed on this stop as I had dehydrated for 24 hours preparing for the trip. Then it was another 5 hours until the next real bathroom stop where now I was excited to have stalls with squat toilets. We went by different agricultural fields of maize and sunflowers and there was lots of sunflower oil for sale from the window as the bus quickly picked up passengers but I had ahead of me 2 plane rides so didn’t purchase any. I was seated next to an older Tanzanian gentleman who saw me looking at my map and out the window he was sitting by. So though we could not talk much in Swahili, he started showing me things we went by and would tell me when to get off the bus. At my stop in Dodoma I was not hurrying and they almost pulled away before I could get my bag from under the bus. So some things do run on schedule.
Being Brave to Present at a Research Conference in another country (but in English)
This week I presented my research at a Tanzanian distance learning conference. Once more I had to navigate something new. In December when I applied, it sounded like something interesting but as the time got closer and the fears of the unknowns were there I wondered why was I doing this.
To register you had to take a code and register at a bank — no online portal or using your credit card. Then at the bank they said the code was wrong so I feared I sent my money to the wrong place. Then from December to February they changed the date of the conference but as a speaker they did not notify me there had been a change. Thankfully I happened to find out about it before I got on the bus in early March. To present research in the U.S. has enough fear and nervousness but to take this risk, represent American research, not know who and how smart these distance learning professional higher education professionals are and if they would ask me statistical research questions made me start feeling anxious.
So Tuesday I got on the bus not knowing the place and time of the conference on Wednesday morning. At about 8 pm that night I got an email of where the conference was to be held (informatics building) and that it started the next morning at 8 AM… and that I was speaking on Friday so no rush on giving out information. So the next morning Tess (a midwife in our program) took me to the campus and we asked at 3 informatics buildings where the conference was to be held and no one knew. But we met other Tanzanians looking for the conference so then I hung with them until we found the right place as Tess had to go to work in another building. I laughing told them that for once I felt good that it was Tanzanians who also did not know where to go and it wasn’t just me the clueless American which helped to break the ice in getting to know people.
Role of a moderator
In addition to speaking, the first morning they let me know 15 minutes ahead that I was a moderator of a session of 4 panelists presenting research. So I’m thinking what does that mean here? I asked and she said to introduce the speakers and keep the sessions on time. The earlier opening session had started an hour late so really what does a moderator do to keep time? So I understand that in the U.S. you use 5 minute and one minute cards in the front as you face a speaker to help them know their time is up. So in Tanzania where keeping on time is not the norm I wondered how I was going to do that as the only mzungu in attendance. I tried the signs but they just ignored me. We sort of kept on time but were behind 10 minutes. I told the chairperson later, I have a hard time being from America being strict with time for your countries presenters and not feeling like I am being disrespectful. She just laughed and said I did fine.
My Tanzanian faculty who I was matched with when we arrived to help me navigate my university also came to the conference. We have not worked in classroom teaching together but have interacted some and both have research interests. So I found out he had been working on a research project using technology to teach so when I learned of it I said do you want to go to this conference which he did. So he wrote a small grant as did I for paying for this conference as well as for furthering his research project he is doing using what’s app as a teaching strategy for nursing student engagement.
We both were able to network with different attendees to learn about distance education in Tanzania and 3 other countries. One of the most interesting and rewarding things that occurred as I was getting to know a Nigerian the first morning was that over lunch I found out he was doing an entire course on WhatsApp so then introduced him to my Tanzanian Faculty so they could learn from each other. Hopefully my Tanzanian faculty will present his research next year at this conference which he needs to do to advance in his faculty role. The very sad part was that this Nigerian had registered for a conference and made plane reservations for presenting his research in the U.S. later in April but had been denied his visa even after his University was sponsoring him for the two weeks and he tried at the American Embassy multiple times to get it. Welcome to the world of the Donald Trump’s reign.
Later, I was sitting next to a woman who had presented her PhD research who was a director of one of the Online University of Tanzania centers in Mwanza. So I introduced my Tanzanian faculty to her. Both of these connections will be long lasting for my Tanzanian faculty as well as I learned and enjoyed talking to them. We both interacted with many of the attendees mostly from Tanzania but also from Nigeria, Zambia and Kenya. I met one vice chancellor of a Kenyan University who had done his PhD for 8 years at the University of Illinois in Champaign so we really enjoyed talking and sharing as alumni. I could tell as I have before how appreciative those who have had American teachers and education feel toward Americans. (On a later eye appointment in Dar I was talking to the owner who also had American Peace Corps volunteers when he was a young student and he said it made a difference in his life. He remembers when the country asked peace corps to leave in the 70s for awile due to new government and his classmates and teachers were all crying.)
Presenting my research
I did present my research and though I had to take it from a planned hour to 15 minutes (4 presenters in an hour) the night before it went well. I never would have thought this would happen here but was grateful to present from a health care perspective the need for distance learning in nursing here in Tanzania (the new program I taught in last semester could easily be online like our RN to BSN) The theme of the conference was the socio-economic impact of distance learning and health care is a large driver in terms of socio economics of a country and improving health professionals’ education. I shared with the attendees that in America we don’t make practicing nurses quit their job for 2 years and move across the country or state to get their bachelors and master’s degrees but instead do online programs and courses.
So presenting not only may have sparked this conversation for future online nursing courses, I also presented my research results and a useful tool for evaluating distance education. I was also able to represent and inform about the Seed Global Health program to those in higher education.
Another Bus Experience: The college bus.
Another experience was the college bus from town to campus. It was called a Dala Dala bus which I took back to town then took a Bajaj to the apartment complex. Unlike the big roomy college buses students take on our campuses, theirs was always packed when they got to our bus stop with people standing in the isle. We would have to cram on, stand, and hang on to the metal bars as we swerved down the hill to town. One evening as the bus stopped for us and students poured out the windows of the bus (isles packed) I said to some Tanzanians from the conference I was with “if you make me climb out the window I’m saying no”. Another fun thing was sometimes a student on the bus would engage in conversation with me the only mzungu. One young female student was an international relations major so we talked about my daughters similar major and what she was doing later with that major. She and the conference attendees were always helpful when I rode the bus, got to the city center, and asked if I needed any help navigating. I realized later that for the entire 6 days I was the only Mzungu except for Tess who I saw in the evenings which is different in that normally we have 3 of us in our office every day.
Results of being Brave
Though Shar was gone with her medical students to Iringa, I stayed at her apartment which was like the Hilton. Only Tess, the midwife was in Dodoma and she was in the midst of grading by hand two classes of 150–200 final exams with essay and fill in the blank questions. But we did a few things together in the evening the 5 days I was there and it made her get out of the house and take a break.
The conference was so rewarding in that I felt I was in an area I was competent and knowledgeable and enjoy. Unlike so many other areas I feel I lack knowledge in what I am doing here. You may remember in August I spent a weekend homestay with a Tanzanian host family to get used to the culture, learn Swahili and learn some about Tanzanian food and cooking. My host family who I stayed with outside of Dodoma in August, after our introductions, the host father’s first question to me was asking my age then the second statement was “You are Brave”. He will never know the number of times I would remember those words as I needed to repeat them over and over again even if I did not believe I was brave. I would say Gaetano said I was brave so I will be brave. At the time he did not know how fear had crept into my heart and I was struggling with what if I cannot overcome my fears. There were the obvious that I would just come home knowing I had failed. I might never truly enjoy the year here and I would never really truly know people here as real and genuine and they would not know me.
I had future fears many times and currently in my teaching load. Someone said in Washington DC last July you should teach something you know nothing about and I did not think this was accurate. I have asked myself many time how can I teach about sick children when I was a well-child specialist and then there is the whole African children diseases I know nothing about? There have been fear of not knowing enough to give students anything of value. I had to say to myself this is who I am and be honest, ask others help, go to the ward and try and learn. So admitting to myself and others that it is ok to take this opportunity to grow and not run from fear as this helps you learn even though you are supposed to be the expert. I realized a few weeks ago that to prepare for teaching a malnutrition masters in nursing class this semester I needed to spend a day on a different hospital ward with children with malnutrition. This time unlike in September I was able to go shadow and not feel sick to my stomach with fear. I knew I’d done it before so I could do it again. It turned out great with a super informative dietician who took me around to orient to the ward to orient. I also was able to go home and not cry because of the children I had seen there that day. So the more you recognize your fears, and what you have overcome, the braver you become.
My most rewarding possibility from overcoming fear on this trip
Rewards from being brave come in different ways. The above had many rewards but the most rewarding for me was that I was able to help my host family father in return for all he had done for me by helping me be brave. It wasn’t just last August as he took me around in his warm and welcoming way to his community, but he helped me realize the good in the people I would meet the next 11 months in Tanzania and not be afraid to know them.
So I had texted him that I was coming for the conference and wanted to come visit his family and home for the day Saturday after the conference. So I called Tuesday night when I arrived to see what day would work but no one answered. So Wednesday I called again and his daughter answered and in our limited English and Swahili I found out he had been in a car accident the previous Sunday (a drunk driver hit him head on). His preschool granddaughter who I read books to when I stayed with them was in the backseat of the car but was not hurt. He on the other hand had 2 broken legs and was in the hospital we had visited during our orientation. Last August this regional hospital was my first shock at what health care would be like here. So I texted his son, a pharmacist in Dar to get the real story in English. He called and said he was doing ok but had to get to a better hospital in Dar for surgery to one of his legs that they could not do in Dodoma. I asked if it was ok that I visit as I did not know how bad he was and his son said it was ok.
So Saturday and Sunday I spent some time visiting my host Dad in the hospital instead of his home and family. The hospital looked so different this time as now I’m used to the type of ward and the way things are here. He was on a 25 bed men’s orthopedic ward with no curtains, a common bathroom, no dressing materials unless you bought them or had insurance and no food unless your family brought some to you. I borrowed Shar’s, a doctor in our program, lab coat with her MD name in case I had trouble getting through the guards at the gate as well as into the building he was in. It worked as no one asked the mzungu any questions. Both days one of his orthopedic doctors came on rounds and he introduced me in Swahili and I tried to hide the name on the coat as I was impersonating a doctor. He again was always our programs spokesperson even when on his back in the hospital. Then Sunday he said as a gentleman came in that he was a policeman taking a report — I thought oh man I am really going to get arrested for this white coat act. But it was the accident report. He got a pretty good laugh when he thought I should leave one day as visiting hours were over and all the visitors were leaving and I said no problem I have the white coat on so I’m staying. I even stayed Sunday through the ward dressing changes (with permission) where they went up and down each side of the ward going bed to bed changing dressings. I was able to take a picture of his wounds (with his permission) to send to his son and also show him how the stitches looked and skin healing. So I hoped my mzungu skin and white coat maybe influenced the doctors and staff to give him better care and attention. I could tell both days the curiosity of the other 25 men watching us talk and laugh in English — the old Mzungu and the old Tanzanian gentlemen-they all wanted to know what was going on and how he got this kind of specialized care:)
In the past year his family has hosted 2 regular volunteers for 2 months each and then me for a weekend. An older friend of his came and visited while I was there who spoke English and we had a good laugh when I said well he did well teaching 2 out of 3 volunteers Swahili. We talked like old friends about my work, my family vacation travels here, Bugando Medical Center, the bishops (he lived and taught in Mwanza), my garden and I was able to show him some pictures of staff I worked with, the garden, my son and wife visiting here, the lake, the skinned cow picture and the cat neutering experience on my kitchen table (which really made him laugh). He updated me about the crops he had planted, his family, the winery neighbor who had blueberries plants, his granddaughter starting school, and the accident. I brought him some of the left over American Seeds to try, quarterly research reports the past year on the PICO Purdue storage crop bags he uses that he was interested in, as well as a book for his granddaughter who he said Sunday was really enjoying the book. So I think the visit cheered him up even though he has lots of family and friends stopping in.
Assisting with useful nursing knowledge
I had talked to his son in Dar a couple of times and texted multiple things over the weekend from the nursing standpoint and potential travel by plane to Dar on Friday. I was able to give him Air Tanzania numbers, cost and flight schedules as I had explored these for my travel to Dar. Then Monday as I flew the new plane route from Dodoma to Dar I thought of things that would need to be done to successfully get a 68-year-old man through security and onto a plane who could not stand and who had metal pins and bars on the outside of one leg flown to Dar. I noted where the steps were, how to get him into the plane using a blanket, what seat and row he needed to sit in, and how to get from the tarmac into the Dar airport. I got the Dodoma airport supervisor’s phone numbers he could call, found he needed a doctor’s note for his dad’s fitness to fly, looked at logistics of getting him in and out of a van from the hospital to the airport, into the plane on a blanket carried up the steps then out of the plane in Dar and into a van to go to the hospital. Lots of common tips I know from caring for an elderly parent for 8 years, assignments I used to give my U.S. students on how to travel on planes in the US with people with medical problems and just basic nursing and post op knowledge. His son is a pharmacist but I know the nursing care and we discussed the many complications he could face and how to decrease his risk for those. I had gone to Dar for 3 days to do my medical close of service physicals and tests since I was half way there I felt I wanted it out of the way so in June I just have to do a quick stop in visit and sign forms. So little did I know in December and January in all my planning that my trip would help his son in planning his move.
So one afternoon in Dar I was free and I met with his son near his hospital for a short time. I had never met this family member in Dodoma. I had made a list of step by step things to consider and ask about for his dad who was set to fly Friday. He is the oldest son who is responsible for taking over the family needs that his Dad has done his whole life. I knew from our conversations how much he appreciated my list and knowledge of things to help. I could see his relief as I acted like a mom with him in that someone else knew all the difficult decisions that needed to be made and was helping him along the way with them. I never asked but I wondered if his son had ever flown in a plane since Dodoma has just gotten public airline flights.
Rewards Received
So Friday my host dad made it to Dar successfully where he can have surgery on his second leg in a hospital and with a doctor that specializes in his orthopedic needs. He is also where his son can monitor his care as well as another family member who is a nurse at the hospital he will have surgery. Hopefully one of our group critical care doctors can also stop in and see him as well. So 7 months after he helped me be brave and overcome my fears here, my ability to be brave and overcome new fears of taking take a bus and speaking at a conference in Dodoma, I was able to give back to him and his family with the hope that he will recuperate in the next few months and be able to carry on his role as head of his family, community and church and maybe help another peace corps volunteer coming to Tanzania. So the rewards for me in being able to give back meant so much and I know that something greater than myself and my plans arranged this friendship both for my, his and his families benefit.
As I left Sunday I was sad as we said goodbye not knowing if we will ever see one another again or spend time with his family. As I thanked him again, I knew he would never realize the impact he, his family and neighbors and church had on me being successful staying here and trying to make some difference to those in his country, what I have overcome, and the rewards I have received.
So I end this blog sharing what I’ve experienced in taking a risk, overcoming my fears and experiencing the possibilities and rewards over the past 9 months. I want to challenge you to overcome your own fears as you read this, think of being brave enough to take your own personal risks whatever those might be, explore the possibilities and experience rewards.
Disclaimer: This is a personal weblog. The thoughts and opinions here are those of Jennie Van Schyndel. The information does not in any way represent or reflect the opinions of the Peace Corps or Global Seed Health.
