Confessions of a Tinderella
College students share stories of online dating
About a week ago, one of my classmates was asking me about an assignment. As I was explaining the directions, he randomly interjects with “You want to know something funny?” Pause for effect… “I’m pretty sure we were talking on Tinder for a while.”
Insert another long pause for awkwardness. And when I say awkwardness, I don’t mean out of embarrassment. What I mean is how awkward are you for randomly bringing this up after an entire semester of not one, but two classes together?!
There are an endless amount of dating applications that plenty of people at the college level and beyond utilize in order to meet new people. Whether it’s for a hookup or you’re looking for true love, apps like Tinder, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel are present on a significant amount of our smart phones. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I’ve been on my fair share of online arranged dates. I’m a people person, and I’m a student who is a little older than the majority of Sac State students. Even as involved as I am with student organizations, it’s hard to meet people that I want to date or even just that I’m able to stand long enough to hang out with. I have to admit that I’ve met some pretty cool individuals and I’ve even made friends.
But that doesn’t mean that everyone I’ve met off an app has been peaches and cream. There has definitely been some jerks who met up, got what they wanted out of the interaction, and stopped talking to me.
The thing is you never know who you’re actually meeting and you can’t always trust the person, no matter how much time you’ve spent talking to them over text message. Although not everyone you meet on the Internet is going to be bad news, there are always going to be those horror stories that should leave you cautious.
19-year-old Jennie from Sacramento State shared how she utilized Tinder as a way to meet people and socialize. But after hooking up with a match that took advantage of the situation, Jennie swore herself off of online dating circuit.
“This guy I met on Tinder came over to my place and was like ‘Oh, I just want head, and I’m going to dip out.’ After I told him no because that doesn’t do anything for me, I told him he could leave. Then he said ‘OK, just kidding. I promise I won’t just leave.’ So I ended up sleeping with him and he filmed me the entire time. The next day he sent me the video.”
Ladies: I’m not saying all men are jerks, but obviously this guy was nothing short of that. The sad thing about this situation is it could happen to anyone.
With that said, I feel like it’s pretty common you hear about men using women, but not as much the other way around. To let you in on a secret, it happens. Women take advantage of men just as often. As 25-year-old college graduate Stephanie shows, we get a little more creative than the classic “Netflix and Chill”.
“I’ve asked someone (from Tinder) to come over, to help me pack boxes when I was getting ready to move. He helped me move boxes into the car and get the apartment ready for my sublet. For whatever reason, when we took a break, he tried to cuddle and I awkwardly sat there on my couch as if I didn’t know what physical touch was. They didn’t get the hint so I sat there for an hour with them laying on me until I said I had to get up early and work in the morning. When he was outside my front door, he tried to move in for a kiss and I said, ‘Thanks’ as I shut the door in his face. Whoops.”
While hooking up is to be expected of some people who use the app, especially since that is kind of what it’s know for, some people end up not necessarily being jerks but…well…just plain weird.
Take the first Tinder date I ever went on. I met a guy who was a vet student at UC Davis and he invited me to a River Cats game. We met up at the stadium and he was really nice. Definitely not as tall as he implied on his profile, but I got over it. He bought dinner and we sat on the lawn enjoying our hot dogs and conversing about the game. He asked me if I have any pets and I told him about my golden retriever. Then, I made the mistake of asking him if he had any.
Not only did this guy not meet my six-foot height requirement, but he had seven — count them SEVEN — cats. From then on out, all he talked about were his cats. Their names, their favorite toys, their napping habits. One of them was even sick, so of course I get to hear the sob story of how Snuggles came to be in the hospital. Three hours later, I shook his hand and said “Thanks, let’s just be friends.”
While not everyone might have the pleasure of experiencing a situation such as this, others have certainly had interactions that are just as awkward. Stephanie shared numerous stories with me in which the men she matched with ended up being less than what she expected.
“One time, I matched with someone who I constantly saw at the gym so I’d seen him before and we’d exchange smiles, glances, etc. After months of teasing via texting and messaging, he proceeds to tell me that he needs to tell me something. He feels guilty but the more he talked to me, I started to become a really cool girl and he needs to be honest. He’s MARRIED! His explanation was that his marriage’s sex life lacked the spontaneity and excitement it used to have when they were just dating so he hopped on tinder. Thank goodness we’d never done anything sexually/physically.”
The thing that gets me the most about these apps, is how some people are against them. If you don’t want to use them, that’s your prerogative. But it’s unnecessary to shame others who are just looking to see what the fun is about.
Some people are really shy and being able to meet people online can make the atmosphere a little more comfortable. Sure that first meeting is going to be a little awkward because you’re torn between shaking hands or hugging, but at least you’ll have a good idea of what the person is like before you have to endure three hours of cat talk. 22-year-old Cameron from Sacramento State says that if it weren’t for Tinder, he most likely would never had met his girlfriend.
“I wasn’t really taking the app seriously and really looking for anyone. I actually almost swiped left on her on Tinder because I thought she was super cute and I thought ‘this girl will never like me.’ And then I was like ‘Ah, fuck it. I’ll probably never meet her.’ Then we matched, and I was like ‘oh shit, she matched me.’ I was definitely more nervous to meet up with her, but apparently now she says she was more nervous to meet up with me. But the first time we hung out it was like smooth sailing. So I guess I got lucky. It’s been about a year, and things are going good.”
Let’s get real, though. One of the most awkward parts about the whole online dating thing is what you tell people when they ask how you met. I mean, telling your friends might be OK. You’ll get a good laugh out of it. But telling mom and dad that you picked up your new beau up on the Internet like you ordered them from Amazon or something? No one wants to go through that scenario.
At the beginning of last summer, a friend brought home a girl he had met online. As embarrassing others is a family sport, his sister and I took the opportunity when it presented itself. We waited patiently until their mom brought up the question “So, where did you two meet?”, to which immediately we both responded “On Tinderrrr.”
Needless to say, my friend’s face lit up bright red, as his mom sat with a pondering look because she had no idea what we were talking about. I have to give the girl he brought home credit, though. She sat proudly in her chair and responded without hesitation explaining the online application. That’s when we knew, she’d fit right in.
Here’s the thing. Millennials are not only the age of the Internet-users, we’re the age of social media. I’m not saying it’s not nice to walk into a bar, lock eyes with someone, and have them buy you a drink. But I am saying that it’s OK if that connection was brought to you by Wi-Fi.
Stephanie Beachley is a Journalism major in her fourth year at Sacramento State. Although her passion is writing for sports, she also enjoys covering issues of her generation and millennials. For more information, email her at stephbeachwrites@gmail.com.
