Due to issues with twitter deleting my account twice, I’m posting this lump blog 1–7 so that I don’t spam everyone’s inbox with notifications

1.Life on the other side

My name is Karim. Only 30 I have been weary of my place in the world for as long as I could remember being able to reflect upon myself. Sick and tired of the claustrophobic introverted hell of life in the first world, I have renounced my part in Western society and moved to the highlands of Tibet. Years ago I grew sick of the selfish hedonistic lives of those overseas in their supposedly developed countries because of what they did to my head. My thoughts would always be poisonous and day changing with false perceptions, and I would cause more grief upon myself that apparently could only be cured by the greed and gluttony they so inspired in consumerism. I came here in search of enlightenment when I was 25. In attempts to take after the Buddha, to cleanse myself of the materialistic desire I was taught to make part of me, I started my life here as an ascetic nomad, owning nearly nothing. I own a few things that I call mine now a small satchel, my clothes and a pillow. I travel often, meditating high in the mountains, deep in caves or in fields and forests. It has been five years now apart from western society, and I do not miss it. I spent the first three years adjusting, and the last two devoting myself entirely to the path of enlightenment. The others here call me a ritualist, I just think I’m more detached from this realm compared to the others. For I know my life and conscious are transient. I come and go, just like people and objects in life. Like a candle lighting new flames, while old ones become extinguished, I exist, never bound to one place for long. As such I have become a trader of sorts in my spare time; holding goods and moving them to those who need them, in hopes that I may ease their burdens and suffering, and that I may not up as a lower form in another life. In addition to the physical goods I trade, I offer spiritual and mental assistance. Be it advice or training in meditations, I have been adept in these areas way back when I lived in the west. Nothing feels better than to dissolve away your thoughts, stresses and worries in a meditative trance, except maybe offering that peace to others. What I know about slipping into the trance is simple; after sitting up comfortably and focusing on relaxing all your muscles, think only about your breathing focusing on the inhales and exhales until that’s all you think about. Eventually you will be able to breathe and unfocus your thoughts from that as well leaving you in a conscious state of thoughtlessness; like sleep but lucid and able to awake at a moment’s notice. The power one possesses in this state is immense, being able to then bring up any ideas and visualize and bring them to vivid life in your head. I believe that those who I help with their problems and balance are a step closer to their own enlightenment. Sometimes they even thank me, offering me goods and gifts in return for my services. I refuse to keep them for myself however, and I wander off to find somebody who could use the gifts more.

Lately however, I’ve postponed my trading activities in fear that an ice storm is on its way. I hear talk among our village that it was the doing of another ritualist, and not of a natural sort. I also see amulets of protection starting to be sold. I am not foolish enough to fall for that trick however. I’ve begun warding people of the amulets, and offered shelter in the meditation caves to those who need it. Although it is a rumor right now, I too retreated into my cave to begin a meditation period. Hopefully we are all unharmed by this storm. Although I may be safe, I cannot help but worry about the few farms we have in the village. If this storm is serious, and we lose them, I don’t know how we will live.

Back to my meditations though, hopefully we will all be spared from disaster



2.Oh hail no.

Last week was a disaster. The rumours of a hailstorm turned out to be more than rumours alone. We were hit; hard at that. What the hail didn’t destroy the ensuing floods did. My cave was flooding and I was forced out into ensuing hailstorm, relentlessly pelted with ice chunks, I had to lie outside as flat as possible to avoid the lightning. Life is suffering upon suffering. To make matters worse, our bridge was destroyed by the storm. This however may have been a blessing in disguise; the village neighboring ours has come down with a strange illness. I believe somebody must have enraged one of the naga by desecrating its pool. I know I would curse somebody if they desecrated my cave. Karma is unforgiving. I am thankful that this illness cannot spread; however the bridge will need to be rebuilt eventually. Our farms have been decimated and we’ll desperately need the food and supplies soon.

I can’t help but sympathize with the pains of the other villages however. Who knows what that horrible ice storm did there, on top of a naga illness. As soon as we find the efforts to fix the bridge, I think I will begin a journey over to help however I can. I’ll bring whatever we can spare over and perform healing rituals. Illness comes from the mind, the root of all suffering being selfishness. So long as we live, we need not suffer, lest we chose to interact with the cycle of suffering. Centering lives on ourselves and our own desires and needs however, is an easy way to provoke your own suffering. Craving, desire and displeasure from things we want to happen and the things we do not wish happened cause all the suffering in the world. But there is a way to put an end to this. Conscious acknowledgement of pain’s existence and proliferation in oneself will lead to the cessation of duhkha. And following of the noble eightfold path will lead to the cure of their sufferings. Starting with the understanding of the causes of their pain, namely its internal properties will allow the healing process to start. To then progress the intention must be present to make the difference. With the great truth of suffering being caused and observed by oneself, and the intention to break the cycle, ones thoughts, actions and words must match the intellect and will of acknowledging pain as self generated and attempting to leave it and its causes behind. Friendliness, compassion and desirelessness. All these actions will not propagate sadness, when done for the correct reason. The morality behind our behaviours is of utmost importance, with pain and suffering as repercussions to thoughts of malevolent nature. We do things not for personal benefit, but for the benefit of others. Acknowledge that all life is in suffering, hope to ease the burdens of another. We do not take what is not given, we do not end lives but our own, and we don’t delight in sexual misconduct, likewise we wouldn’t lie to another, attempt to harm them verbally or divide up a community. Sila and Samadhi, actions and thoughts go hand in hand as such. The right effort, the right mindfulness and the right concentrations fuel the right actions, and the right actions fuel these beneficial mental states. Together we provide a healthy state of mind, and fight temptations and suffering. Such is the noble eightfold path used to break out of the cycle of suffering.

Whatever the other villagers have done to upset the naga can be rectified, and they can still purify their lives with the four noble truths. If we are born ignorant and hurtful, why would we not decide to change for the good of all? We eventually age, losing our virility and youthfulness people so seem to glorify. We eventually become too sick to support ourselves, why then should anybody else help? We eventually die, and what good will hedonistic pleasure and greed do for you in your next life? We must choose to break the behaviours of norm and free ourselves from greed and pain. Back when I lived in the west, I saw rampant pain and greed. By no means now is it questionable as to why. All their lives revolve around taking as much as possible, seeking out ways to be “better” than the others around us in hopes that we are wanted. But nobody would ever want someone so parasitic out of anything other than necessity. I chose to run away from that life for a reason. Surely the accursed members of the neighbouring towns can do the same. In the time it takes for our bridge to be repaired I pray that they contemplate the state of their world, and reflect on the dharma so that they may better themselves.

3.London bridge, I’ve had it with these snakes on this plane of existence, and here’s a lama there’s a lama

It’s been a while since the storm has devastated us. Luckily we’ve managed to find the funds to fix our bridge, which in turn brought news of a lama who could come into town. I hope he will be invited to our village and accept the invitation from our scholars. Teachers are very important in life; I would never have realized how to escape my cycle of sorrow without the help of my lamas three years ago when I first moved here. They brought much to my eyes about the nature of life and the cycle of rebirth. I was so troubled and corrupted when I first came here, but they accepted me as a disciple to be a monk nevertheless. They saw my intention to do good, and took it upon themselves to help me enrich my life. I was taught about the three poisons that kept me perpetually rooted in a cycle of sadness. I was told that my ignorance of the true nature of life led me to desire things to be different way than they were naturally. When this desire was not fulfilled it led to my anger, and anger blinded me to observing the true nature of life. These three poisons fueled each other and left me stranded in sorrow. Each day I would rise ignorant of my place in life and any purpose beyond self-servitude. I would be upset that things weren’t the way I wanted, and I would carry the burdens of my displeasure with me and apply them over anything I saw. I spread the poisons of the mind. This developed into my complete mental state, and I grew weary and anxious all the time, crippling the state of my body because of my mind. The more I saw in the world, the more my desires were fueled, and my rage grew when I didn’t get what I wanted. The more people I met, the more sickness I spread, in turn seeing it reciprocate in them made me angrier. Sensation and feelings fueled each other inside me, and I built up cravings and desires to these sensations. Desire and craving eventually become attachment and clinging to my ways, and my mental health would suffer immensely at this point. My entire existence was defined by this, until the feelings died, and I woke up again the next day to repeat my cycle of suffering. I was warned that if I maintained my course, I would never reach inner peace, and instead would be condemned to the hellish lives of a lower form. A hungry ghost, ceaseless in its craving to satisfy its own selfish desires, or I’d end up in a hell, or as an animal being unable to determine my own path. They taught me about the nature of life, the four noble truths and the eightfold path to break this cycle. I eventually became able to address my ignorance and confront my desire. Since then I’ve found peace. Through meditation and contemplation of the state of the world around me, I have achieved mindfulness and in my opinion I am in control of where my place is in the cycle. I could achieve none of this without a teacher. To show them my gratitude I’ve taken it upon myself to offer similar help and teachings to those in need. I don’t know if one day I’d be established enough to be regarded as a lama, but I know that I can do my part now with the people I see around my, offering the help and wisdom that was handed to me by the lamas back when I needed it most. Nobody asks to be part of the cycle of suffering, but we are born into it anyways. Eventually we will die and be reborn into it, again and again, unless we chose to make the difference. Helping as many people out of this cycle is the least I could do to show my appreciation for life and truly practice the teachings of the Buddha.

Enough about my stories though; I think I will prepare some prayer flags and maybe amass some gifts through my trades as an offering to the wise lama in hopes that he does decide to come to the village. I already see arts and scarves around the town, preparing to receive a visit from the lama. I’m very excited to be a ritualist right now. I wonder what new things we could be shown if he does come. What new teachings we can use to better ourselves, and most importantly what I can use to share with those around me and bring peace to the world around me and the cessation of dukha. We are all ignorant to start, and unless we have teachers, breaking the cycle and escaping ignorance is nigh impossible.

4.Honing skills

It’s been a while since I’ve had some time to think for myself. Lately I’ve been developing my personal skills as a tradesman. I’ve devoted all the time I’m not spending learning of new religious practices in helping move resources across our village and between the village afflicted with the naga illness. My prayers must have helped, and thank the heavens they have been ridden of their afflictions. I’ve met people with many different skills on my forays there, and I have made many friends during my travels. Perhaps one day we will work together. Some of the sherpas agreed to help me move products between villages and caves! In exchange I’ve been teaching them meditation exercises and bringing them amulets. As of now, I have become a well-seasoned primary ritualist, with all my secondary skill efforts in trade.

OH yes! I almost forgot. Today the messengers got back from their trip to the neighbouring village where the lama was staying, and, the lama has accepted our invitations! I’ve contributed half my gold and nearly all my ritual resources to enriching the experience for the lama! I’m very excited to hear of his new teachings and enrich my own spirituality by his aid. This news excited me very much! How shall I prepare for his arrival? Perhaps I will journey out to the other village tonight to pick up some decorated scarfs and flags. Setting my own excitement aside though, it has come to my attention that there’s some subtle differences between genders in our village. It’s a more pressing matter than we make it out to be in my opinion though. As a lay man on the path to his own enlightenment, I couldn’t help but notice some… exceptions in the rights and rules of the males compared to the females in the village. As long as you’re part of the Sangha, Monk or Lay, it does not matter. It always seems like the women have far more rules, Vinaya or not, they seem to be judged for more. I was shocked hearing a few of the newer bikkhunis praying to be reborn as a man the other day. It really got me thinking about how the roles of men differ from the roles of women. They have 80 more rules in the vinaya pitaka for women! That’s about a third of all the rules for men just added on! I understand that it’s all for our own progress and enlightenment, but something still seems wrong there. Some of the extra rules are valuable to protect the rights of the women in our village however. I have noticed that some of the rules prevent women entering a position of servitude while others are meant as a preventative measure to abuse from men. But are they all like that? I should hope so, but I highly doubt it. It seems a lot easier for men to reach higher positions in spirituality compared to the women. I guess Buddhists aren’t alone though…Nearly every other religion I’ve witnessed segregates their laws by gender, and some of which are a lot more extreme. Often the women are clearly much more underprivileged than man, with the man able to attain stature much more easily and take on any chosen role in society much more easily while women are bound to less earnings, restrictive careers and restricted roles in society … although in comparison to the Jain culture, we’ve all still have much progress to be made in terms of compete unbiased equality. I wonder if it has anything to do with their depictions as beings of temptation and sensuality in our culture though. The first Buddha talked about resisting the “sisters of temptation” on his own path to enlightenment. I don’t feel it’s their fault and they should be blamed and labeled for it though. It’s just another mental hurdle for us to overcome. Shouldn’t be too hard the way some of these monks discuss the body. Makes me want to take a bath and scrub myself until I’ve turned to dust and washed away. Some of the newer spiritual leaders have been trying to advance our take on women in society though, and it’s good to see that the Buddhist culture is adaptable and sensible like that. After all, life is duhka, why wouldn’t we go out of the way to spare the women of some of that duhka. They are equals after all.

Anyways, it is getting late. The journey to the other village will be long and gets more perilous as the daylight fades. Those scarfs and amulets won’t walk over here. Until the visit, I take my leave again, to teach more disciples the ways of the middle path and prepare for the arrival of our great spiritual teacher.

5.The A-B-C’s of Enlightenment

The lama’s visit was far more enhancing than I anticipated. As retribution for the generous donations of our village, we have been bestowed teachings and generosity of a thousand fold. We received amulets, funds to rebuild destroyed parts of our town, which have created two huge projects that the village is now working on. As for me, I spent much of my time with the lama learning of new rituals. He talked of magic, and clouded at first, I believed he was talking about illusions. Rather, his magic, was destroying illusions of the mind. This changed the way I viewed a lot of things. Enhancing my ideas on perceptions and their poison of consciousness, I now seek out to acknowledge illusions in my mind and reason with them. I was taught not to fight such illusions, as we owe them our compassion, since they did not ask to exist in a world of suffering, and rather were by products of our own disillusion with the world and our desires.

I’ve learned many new rituals, including an exorcism to banish demons of illusion. Representing the demon with a paper effigy, we bind him in a prison in our head, a prison based on the four elements that make up our world, and reason with it there until we can part ways with the demon and lock it away. Breaking the paper is symbolic of the demon being banished, and warding off other demons from an area is done with daggers embedded around a depiction of the perfect world. Meditating on this image is said to bring clarity to the mind such that the perfect world we seek is in this realm, and to find it, we need only unblock our mind. To change our world to the perfect world is simply a matter of changing perceptions of the world. The lama taught us another method of enlightenment. To depict a deity or great teacher in a painting is to have an idea, a conception of that deity. Meditate on this conception, and the painting used to embody the deity becomes you, and you too embody said deity. He told us of ceremonies in which monks meditated around a mandala, the depiction of the perfect world on earth, for days, focusing on embodying deities of freedom and dance. They would carry a rainbow thread representing liberation of the interior and exterior worlds, and perform meditations around pills meant to capture the powers of the meditations. The pills are left guarded and upheld by meditation day and night under watchful eyes, until they are ready. Whoever takes the pills after will be enlightened and liberated from the world. Demons of negative emotion are exorcised with compassion and kindness before the consumption of the pills. Deities of protection are contacted, and they guide the monks to the passage into a world of wisdom and compassion, where they are powerful enough to convert demons of negative emotion into positive beings. Throughout the entire ceremonies, percussive sounds and chanting are rampant; as an aid to meditation, they serve purpose and are repeated in the mind and physical world to uphold a state of utmost concentration. I learned of ritual sacrifices to the protectors of Buddhism and the deities of liberation involving burning the paper effigies of the demons within created by desire, greed and hatred. The ashes are buried under the foundations of the village, and we are reminded of the fragility of our life. The reminder of our impermanence is humbling. For even after seeking truth, we are still destined to leave as we came in this world. From dust to dust, so to say. The purpose then, of a training monk, I am told, is to become enlightened so that they may be best equipped to help serve the suffering world. To find joy is to prevent the suffering in others, not the self. As you can see the lama has brought vast amounts of knowledge to us in the village, but it didn’t end there for me.

I went to the neighbouring village where the lama headed next, to listen to more of his lectures. He talked about the cosmos and our relativity to the rest of the universe. It put an emphasis onto the impermanence and sense of anatman that I have been taught to feel.

With life seeming so large and revolving around ourselves, knowing we are but a speck of dust blowing in the wind for a fraction of a second surely proves that there has to be a more meaningful purpose to our lives as we blow away in the wind. I have renewed my purpose and reaffirmed my beliefs that I am here to leave the world in a calm and sheltered, and its inhabitants wiser and kinder.

6.New Discoveries, New objectives, Same old problems!

The villagers have all been extremely proactive since the visit of the lama. With the lama’s help of generous donations of resources, major projects to rebuild our library and printing press have begun. As well there are efforts being made to build a medicine factory! With all the hustle and bustle going about, I too thought I’d invest my time and efforts into a project as well! I’ve joined an expedition to explore the newly exposed caves out past the jungles. Ever since the ice storm sheared off part of the Cliffside, rumors have been going around that the exposed caves were once libraries, or burial sites. Whatever the case, we’re going to discover it!

I’ve used 50 of my trade resources to help my group out in obtaining food stocks, tools and most important of all sherpas! Seeing as it’s going to be tough to bring animals along through the jungle and canyon terrain, we need all the manpower we can get. The friends I had made in the neighbouring village had gladly agreed to join us on our quest to explore the mountains. On top of this however, I will also be aiding in ritual protection so that our perilous journey may be safe and fruitful. I’ve found amulets to protect us from the sri (who cause harm to people in the prime of their life) and have started researching various rituals I can perform to protect our group. I’ve gathered materials for smoke rituals at the base of the cliffside so as we rise with the smoke our path is purified, as well I will be making a mandala offering before we set out. I need to collect bajung to use for my offering, so I’ll need to find a cow as well. I’ll adorn the plate with designs from five parts of the cow, then carefully erase and remove the 5 parts in order to become more generous, diligent, patient, mindful and wise. As well I’ve been searching for artists to aid me in giving yantra tattoos for protection to members of our expedition. A five rows (Haa Thaaew) tattoo on my left shoulder will imbue success and goodluck. A four spires tattoo (See Yawt) will protect its bearer. And the tattoo of the 5 devas (Bpanjamukhee) will ward off illness and danger. Those 3 tattoos should be more than enough protection for each of the members (assuming they have the guts to go through getting repeatedly poked with a needle covered in snake venom, charcoal and ashes of humans).

The best protection from anything, to my knowledge is wisdom. Buddhism teaches that clarity and escape from suffering (be it mental anguish or falling off a cliff) is wisdom. And so I have started researching these caves. From the research I’ve gathered from hunters, other villagers and my own forays to the mountain face which the caves were hidden by, I’ve determined it to be similar to a network of cave systems discovered in Mustang. The rock is very loose and impermanent (a humble reminder of the impermanence of our lives since we’ll be clinging to that rock for them), and the access points are perpendicular to the cliff face. This means our climb will be pretty much vertical and extremely dangerous. In terms of equipment we’ll need, we can’t take any exceptionally heavy gear. Some of our more experienced climbers (myself included) are going to scale the cliffs to the top, and create anchorage points. At that point the less experienced members should have an easier time getting up the cliff face and into the caves.

In terms of what I’m expecting inside the caves, based on the cave systems in Mustang, we’re either going to find some very old dwellings, a refuge site, a storage cave, a meditation chamber or a well hidden stupa. Hopefully we find a stupa with important objects, mantras or lost dharmas. As well I hope to find a lot of art on the wall; as I’ve learned from the lama’s visit that art can be used in conjunction with meditation in a ritual to embody whatever was in the painting.

Anyways, I’m getting much too excited for this journey. I have to remember to keep my head as clear as possible, devoid of overexcitement and anxiety of the journey if I hope to remain safe. I’ve been reviewing my meditation practices with some other monks at the monastery. I’ve been told that in order to achieve true Samadhi, I would have to cleanse my mind of the five hindrances. Doubt, ill-will, excitement or depression, tiredness and sensual desire. Though I don’t see a problem with ill-will or sensual desire, you can only imagine how hard it has been to tame my excitement for the trip, which in turn has been keeping me up at night, and the lack of sleep has made me start doubting my physical ability to do my best on this voyage. When I told the monks about my problem, they smiled briefly and told me to try to just think of my breathing while I meditated. This will help me while I climb as well considering I’ll need to control every muscle movement there too. Darn it. I digress again. Everything just seems to be related to the trip these days and I really just cannot hide my anticipation. Hopefully I can get some decent rest and turn my brain off for a bit before we head out in 2 weeks.

7.Prepping and Planning

The big journey fast approaches. I've met up with members from my group to discuss things we’ll need and objectives. Since I’m one of the few traders in the group and we’re short farmers, I’ve been out trying to collect food stocks and tools. Luckily we have the one iron smith in the village to help us, so finding tools is easier. As well, being the only primary ritualist in the group, I take heavy responsibility for the preemptive protection of my fellow explorers. I’ll need to gather up dyes for tattoos, various animal remains and human remains for rituals of protection, amulets, prayer scarves, holy water, pills from the festival of freedom, prayer flags, a drum and a sacrificial knife. On top of that, being a wanderer and a climber, I have experience in cave navigating, and many friends from the village formerly afflicted with the naga illness who are sherpas. They have generously agreed to aid me in this quest. These tasks have been assigned to me to amass and keep in check.

As mentioned before, I’ve donated 50 trade resources to this cause, and will probably help out in giving whatever ritual resources I’ve remaining after the visit from the lama as well.

Our objectives are clear cut at this point. We’re definitely going to have artists and scholars on hand to map out the new cave systems, as well as identify any new possible trade routes from the top of the caves. Depending on what we discover in the caves, after identifying it on the spot, depending on the importance of the findings and their weight, we’ll decide if we should take them back to the village. By the time we return the nunnery should be well on its way and any important texts would be well received there.

According to a hunter named Chodak, we would be able to make the journey in about seven days. From our village atop the mountains, it would take two days to get through the jungle, four days to march across the barren plateaus and canyons and we’d be in the cave system after that with about twenty four hours left to explore the cave systems.

The cave exploration will be tough. We’ll need our more experienced climbers to head all the way up the cliff face so they can anchor the ropes in securely at the top. The side of the wall is loose, and crumbles to the touch. If we disturb any stone the tiniest bit more than a pin drop hitting the floor, we could lose everything. So fragile. So risky. So impermanent. Such is the nature of life itself. That being said we’ll need proper equipment. Torches will have to be made from wood in the jungle on spot; it would save us the trouble of carrying wood all through the jungle. However the wicks and fuel must be carried there. We’ll need cotton, animal fat and survival tools in that case. The jungle has many hungry insects and parasites waiting for their next hosts as well. I’ll be sure to have a word with our doctor and tell him to bring antiparasitic herbs like garlic along. Though I’ll probably end up keeping some on hand for myself just in case too. Garlic may keep people away, but it keeps the bugs away too. In order to get through the canyon, we’ll need a lot of water, crampons and mud. Fresh water can be collected from a fire and the riverwater, and mud can be found everywhere to be used as sunblock. I’ll have to find a good pair of shoes somehow before I go. When we get to the cliff face, we will need strong and light rope, leather harnesses and helmets. I’ll have to visit some other farmers in the neighbouring village and trade for some livestock. Shouldn’t be an issue since I’ll need a cow to collect bajung for my mandala offering. My sherpas will surely need wicker baskets and backpacks to carry all the equipment I’ve listed alone, not to mention the medicine, food supplies and artist materials. This is going to cost a lot. I’ll probably be broke by the end of this. But hey, a little material wealth is a small price to pay for wisdom for the benefit of others. I didn’t really need that money anyways.

Ahaha look at me rambling again. I must be off soon. But before I go, I must remark on my mental state. After I was unable to calm down from the excitement over last week, the monks in the monastery lead me to a burial site and told me to meditate there. I must say, that was a slap in the face that I needed. While I was sitting among the corpses, I realized just exactly how dangerous the journey I was on, but accepted that risk since I knew others would benefit. It would all be an exercise in reminding me of the impermanence of the world, and how quickly my life could become impermanent if I wasn’t focused. It was finally here in the graveyard, where I could clear my mind and focus on my posture and finally get some decent rest. Although the next morning waking up being pecked at by crows, wondering if I was dead yet was something I didn’t need, the cemetery contemplations were refreshing and I feel more focused than ever to put in my best effort into the ensuing journey.

May we all return safely.