Preparations for the lama, anticipation and death.

This week we have found out the lama will indeed accept our invitation to visit the village. The village folk are buzzing with anticipation for such a momentous event and are already beginning the array of preparations necessary. For my part, I have decided to hold my doubts and concerns about the purpose of material offerings at bay for the time being and contribute what I can to the preparations. As a builder I can help construct the throne that the lama traditionally sits on during the ceremonies. The more work and resources we builders can put into it the better, as it could look truly magnificent given enough time and effort.

As I begin work on the throne in conjunction with the other builders, the rest of the village commences their preparations as well. The temple is undergoing a rather comprehensive cleaning. Almsbowls are being filled with food, with water for both drinking and washing. The sweet fragrances of newly picked flowers are filling the halls of the temple. Incense stand in their own small bowls, ready to be burned during the ceremonies. The art, one must not overlook the work the artists have put into decorating the entrance to the temple. It looks quite beautiful so far and it isn’t even complete. I think I also overheard some musicians practicing earlier today. I am truly looking forward to the lama’s arrival.

All of this contributes to a pleasant sense of purpose and determined optimism throughout the village. What a refreshing feeling! Indeed I have noticed with this spirit of work abounding the village, people seem to be thinking more about the future than is usual. My thoughts on this are twofold. One the one hand, as I already mentioned there is a renewed sense of purpose here. On the other, I worry that we may be getting too wrapped up in anticipation. Through my further studying of the tradition I am coming to realize much suffering is wrought through anticipation and expectation. Strange this, I am anticipating suffering as a result from anticipation. It seems a trap. My new knowledge is leading me as always to new questions. How do I escape these patterns of thought? How can I help in preparing for the future without getting lost in the anticipation? What if our expectations are not met? Surely, this would bring suffering. These questions themselves, are they not a form of suffering? I find my old mind plagued by these questions more and more. I am sure though, that meditation will help me overcome them. In fact, I am wondering if it is possible to do my work with a cleared mind similar to that of meditation. Of course I am barely competent in attaining such a state while just meditating…one thing at a time old man.

While others concentrate on learning new practical skills for the future, I find myself worrying more and more about what may come for me in the next life. The recent death rituals in the wake of the hailstorm reminded me yet again of my impermanence. I was once worried about becoming a good trader and attaining gold. I have put this wish aside in favor of improving my scholarly skills. This I think is the best way to improve my karma. Knowledge is necessary, especially this late in the game. So, I read a bit about death recently. When I die, I will leave this body behind me like an empty shell. What is most important in this moment will be my state of consciousness. It will have great impact in how I am reborn and how I experience the bardo. Yes, that intermediate stage between death and rebirth that I was told about as a child. If in the wrong state of consciousness at death this experience will be confusing and frightening, but I have been reassured that with even the most minor practice in preparation for this moment, I would die happily. It is said that upon death we will experience an array of colors and lights. If we cannot recognize these for what they are…the true nature of reality then into the bardo we will go, fearful.

All the prayers and rituals that were made for the dead were meant to help the dying achieve a calm, right consciousness at their time of death. I hope that these succeeded in their purpose, I hope they were free from fear and able to traverse that space between life and death with calm courage, grace and dignity.