Judgmental way of living!

Recently, I immersed myself in a two day training titled “Mindfulness in Action”, offered by the Wright Graduate University. I came out of this training humbled and disturbed at the same time. As a result of this training, I became aware of the ways my judgments color my everyday experience. Mindfulness is a buzzword thrown around a lot these days with a plethora of meanings. Going in, I had some sense of this word but was unable to grasp it and define it for myself.

The biggest take away was that judgments get in the way of relationships

The judgments are like lenses that distort our vision making it hard to see others clearly. These lenses narrow and cloud our vision. We miss the wholesomeness of the person when we label them as lazy, fat, old, beautiful, funny, smart, obnoxious, black or brown or white and so on. Dr. Dan Siegel, author of Mindsight, talk about these lenses and the way these lenses affect our perceptions.

I am proposing to catch ourselves in the process of judging others as we interact with the world. I came up with the following steps that I am finding helpful,

1. Stalk your judgments as they occur in the moment.
2. Acknowledge and own your judgments. This might create uneasiness and disgust within you.
3. Figure out, what needs of yours do these judgments satisfy? Do I feel superior? Do I consider myself better than others? Does it justify the “Us vs Them” mentality? Does it make me feel safer?
4. Look into your past and figure out the origin of these judgments. It could be family beliefs, religious teachings, society norms and so on.
5. Talk to the person and share your judgments. I know this is the scariest step. Do it if you want to develop a deeper and meaningful relationships. The person could be your spouse, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues or strangers.

I have come to the realization that we must live a judgmental life first (by the way we are already living without owning it) before attempting to live a non-judgmental life based on the transcendental principles of Love, Compassion, Sacrifice, and Forgiveness.