What if We Gave Ourselves Permission?

Instead of waiting for acceptance from others

I feel like I have to get permission to write. That even if I do write, that doesn’t mean I’m a ‘real writer’. To be a writer you have to have wanted to be one since you knew where books came from. You spend hours a week curled up with a book and reference your favorite authors in conversation. Most of the authors wrote classical literature who are world renowned and are assigned for high schoolers to read.

To be a real writer you have to make little money, struggle your entire career to find something stable, and live in your depression so you have something to write about.

That has never been me. Sure, I like to read. I read a lot of books, mostly non-fiction, to help me ‘figure out’ life. When I turn to fiction I often read Harry Potter over and over again. I’ve probably read each book about 50 times. It’s not a habit of a ‘real writer’.

So as I sit here writing I feel a bit like a fraud. That I shouldn’t be allowed to share my stories or the lessons because I’m not qualified.

I think this opens up a bigger question. How many of us aren’t doing something because we don’t feel like we have permission to do so? How much does our ego get in the way and stop us from trying something new?

The Heart and the Head

How often do we tell ourselves “I couldn’t do that”. We don’t feel qualified to step outside the narratives we have for ourselves. We classify ourselves in certains ways and allow those to guide the choices in our life.

We tie up ourselves and how people see us into boxes that make up our personality.

My boxes? Traveler. Marketer. Problem Solver. Acroyogi.

If people asked who I am they would likely list at least one of these characteristics. I am ‘taken seriously’ for these things. I embody these boxes. People would come to me for advice on my boxes. I’m respected within these roles.

I’m also confident to share within these roles. I’m proud of them. I feel like the objective success I’ve obtained gives me permission to continue doing them and talk about them without shame.

Not my boxes? Dancer. Writer. Singer. Painter.

I love to dance, write, sing, and paint. However there’s a disconnect between liking something and embodying something. I’m not a dancer, writer, singer, or painter. Whenever I do one of these activities I feel self conscious in sharing it.

Sharing my writing with a ‘real writer’ gives me anxiety. Dancing in front of ‘real dancer’ keeps me from dancing. Anytime I’m a beginner with experts around I don’t feel worthy of participating.

In society there’s shame in being a beginner. That we should leave things to experts. That we shouldn’t be taken seriously for trying something new. We’re just an amateur.

Most of us get off when we are objectively good at something because it gives us value. We feel better about ourselves when we’re better than other people at something.

Doing something that we haven’t been told we’re good at gives us shame.

What if though we gave ourselves permission to step outside our boxes? If we allowed ourselves to embody other characteristics? If we told ourselves, go be a writer, and it’s okay if you fail?

Giving Myself Permission

I still don’t feel like a ‘real writer’ but I’m getting closer. To give myself permission to share my writing I did a few things that made a huge difference.

Acknowledge Fears

I wrote a letter to myself around my fears. I let myself talk about my anxiety around being judged or not being enough. For 30 minutes I sat and wrote without stopping. Acknowledging my fears helped me realize what fears were rationale and which weren’t rationale. I knew what I needed to overcome and understood what I needed to let go of. I couldn’t compare myself to award winning writers. They started at the beginning too.

Build Confidence

To build my confidence around writing I started reading a lot about writing. I read books on how to write, I studied successful columns, and authors who resonated with me. My goal was to feel like I knew a little bit more about successful writing than I did before.

When I started producing content I shared it with people I trusted to get their feedback. Them not hating it and resonating with my words helped boost my confidence and felt like it was okay to share.

Get Going

The last thing to do was to start writing. I challenged myself to write everyday. I used a tool called ‘Write or Die’ that eliminates all distractions. Whenever I stop typing for more than 12 seconds the screen turns red and starts ‘screaming’ at me. It was just the right amount of pressure to not overthink and just write.

Writing has now become one of the things I look forward to. I write everyday because I feel inspired to.

If we all started giving ourselves permission to get outside our boxes and didn’t let shame of being a beginner keep us from starting, I think there’d be a lot more beauty, authenticity, and creation. Let’s give it a try.