You Don’t Need to Figure it Out

Let’s Enjoy the Journey

In life I am a sprinter. I strike when motivation is high and give all of my energy and attention to something for a short period of time. From completing tasks to entering relationships, I love to sprint.

With sprints you’re always running to the destination. You’re trying to go as fast as you can to get to a certain endpoint. In track it’s the finish line. In work it’s the next promotion, job, or raise. In relationships it’s the next ‘step’. Finding someone to date, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged, married, babies. All the traditional stuff we’ve had pummeled into our minds since we were kids.

The thing is, when you’re sprinting you’re not able to enjoy the ride. You’re so focused on what’s next that you start missing the only thing that’s ever been real. The present.

Focusing on the present takes a certain level of patience. This does not come naturally to me. In those times I’m focused on the future I repeat a line from one of my favorite (and harshest) quotes in my head.

“You are irrevocably and inexplicably stuck in the moment. Your feet are tied to it. You are a spoke in time’s wheel. Writhe and holler all you want, you’re not going anywhere. You are here.”

I constantly catch myself living for the future. The future where I have a partner to travel the world with, where I’m making a ridiculously high salary, and I’m working on something I’m deeply passionate about. When I do this I’m being impatient with the present.

As I embark on new adventures, I’m working to remind myself to enjoy the process, instead of sprinting towards the finish line.

Launching Roaming Romantic is one of the most challenging things I’ve done. I’ve caught my Type A personality thinking all of the possibilities that it could become. What I could build, how I could help people, and the impact that it would have on my future. The thought of ‘getting there’ has caused me a lot of stress.

I’ve had to remind myself that the end isn’t the point. I want to enjoy the journey. I want to watch myself overcome the struggles and vulnerabilities that come with opening up about my personal life. I want to practice authenticity and enjoy creating something that’s mine. And that’s enough.

This process has given me the understanding of what it feels like to enjoy the journey and try to practice it in other areas of my life.

Relationships are the hardest thing for me to enjoy the process. I want to know everything that’s going to happen. I want to make the best decisions in my relationships. I fear wasting time, or setting myself up for failure, or getting hurt.

Me and one of my close friends recently came to the realization that we could be soulmates. We had this joint realization together while we were video chatting and talking about our relationships. I’m not sure what took us so long to realize that we shared values, love languages, priorities, and how we want to live life. We talk everyday and are each one of each others biggest supporters.

For two days after our conversation, I watched my mind go crazy with ‘what ifs’. Trying to understand it, to figure it out. We hopped on a phone call as he talked me down.

“Em, we’re not in a rush. This is all part of our journey. Let’s enjoy it.” I couldn’t agree more.

For the first time in any of my relationships, I’m not going to sprint. I’m not going to ‘figure it out’.

I’m not going to torture myself into hypothesizing what will happen.

Right now we’re living on opposite sides of the world and are going to see how our friendship naturally evolves until we see each other. This feels right and healthy for me.

In any other time in my life, I wouldn’t accept this. I would have tortured myself into getting all the information of what was going to happen. All our conversations would have shifted into talking about what could happen.

There are still moments where I want the answers. Where I ponder what the future has in store or if anything will change the next time I see him. When I catch myself doing this I’m able to let it go. I remind myself that there’s no pressure to figure it out.

The present is the destination. I’m grateful I get to enjoy the days and be on this journey with him. Maybe it will evolve into a romantic relationship, maybe it won’t, but for the first time I’m not living for the future or tied to the outcome.