Breaking Old Habits
The struggle to achieve a balance between family and business life is not a new one. It’s very beautifully documented in one of the all-time great modern Christmas stories, A Christmas Carol, by one of the greatest storytellers of all time. A Christmas Carol is a novel by Charles Dickens, first published in London on 19 December 1843.
A Christmas Carol tells the story of a bitter old miser named Ebenezer Scrooge, and his transformation into a gentler, kindlier man. Ebenezer’s transformation begins with a visit from his former business partner Jacob Marley, followed by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come. The novel has been made and remade many times into a movie by Hollywood.
That was 1843; we are now 174 years down the road into ‘yet to come’. The advances we have in technology today could never have been imagined back in Charles Dickens’s day.
Those advances have certainly made our daily lives much easier and more comfortable. But the irony of it is, we still struggle with the daily decisions about where our priorities should be in order to get the right balance in our lives.
(Maybe we need an app to make the decisions and help to measure where our focus is on an hourly basis. You could check on your phone to see if you should be playing with your kids, giving your partner a compliment, or perhaps doing a bit of work!)
Confronting your own ghosts
I have a challenge for you; it should be a bit of fun and create some self-awareness all in one. I want you to borrow from Charles Dickens and have a chat with your spirits of past, present and future.
Imagine you are sitting down with your own self; do you have a message for you about your life balance? Don’t do it out loud where others can hear you; they might think you have lost the plot all together.
Let’s say your Spirit Past is you from five years ago. Your Spirit Past turns up at your office for a meeting, with an urgent message for you. What would your Spirit Past say to you? What would he/she warn you about? What would he/she congratulate you on? What limitations would he/she argue for? For example:
- ‘You were lucky to get this far.’
- ‘You are not really educated enough to have gotten as far as you have.’
- ‘How can you be a great parent? You can’t even look after your goldfish or potted plant — they always die.’
Write down the message in two or three paragraphs. Do it now. I mean right now — don’t read on until you do the exercise.
Next, pretend Spirit Present is your next appointment. Spirit Present is more up to date, and claims the message is even more vital and urgent. Again, what would your Spirit Present say to you? What would he/she warn you about?
What would he/she congratulate you on? What limitations would he/she argue for? They could be different, or still some of the ‘old chestnuts’. But would he/she disagree withSpirit Past? Maybe Spirit Present believes you made your own luck and has evidence to prove it.
Again, write down the message in two or three paragraphs. Don’t read on until you do this.
If you take time to challenge the spirits in your own head, it goes a long way to giving clarity on where your Spirit Future will lead you, your business and your family. Either way, your mind believes your imagination, so if you imagine a successful business and family life, your mind goes to work on making it happen. If Spirit Past still has the power to influence the decisions of today, it will take control of your Spirit Future said Robert James and James Home Services.
So, I know this is going to come as a shock, but your next appointment is with your Spirit Future. He/she says, ‘My message is the most import- ant; it’s what you now have the power to create.’ Spirit Future has a very positive and pragmatic attitude, and knows that without the other two, there is no Spirit Future.
He/she knows your job is to understand and learn from Spirit Past and Spirit Present. He/she also knows he/she doesn’t have to be limited by their opinions. He/she knows opinions can and will change with time.
Again, what would your Spirit Future say to you? What would he/she warn you about? What would he/she congratulate you on? What limitations would he/she totally remove from your thinking? This time the message is co-authored, by you and your Spirit Future.
Write down the message in two or three paragraphs. Do it right now. Read on only after you have gone through this exercise.
Escaping the past can be tough
I have seen all too often how the ghosts of the past can take control of people’s futures. One of the most inspiring examples of beating those ‘Spirits Past’ is Denise.
When I first meet Denise, she was 50 years of age, Mum to three beautiful teenage children, and married long-term to Gordon (an accountant). Denise had had a rewarding lifelong career in nursing, and she had a very friendly, caring and likeable natu
Unfortunately change was forced upon their family. Gordon, who had always been the main income earner, was made redundant.
But instead of seeing this as a problem, they decided to take the opportunity to go into business together. Denise and Gordon became one of our very early regional master franchisees in James Home Services.
They had what seemed to be a very practical plan. Gordon would use his accountant background to manage the finances of the business and coach the franchisees. Denise clearly related beautifully with people, and she would start on an exciting new career as the salesperson in the business and also recruit the new franchisees.
She had spent a lifetime dealing with people.
How hard could it be? She though.
Robert James and James Home Services had very detailed, thorough, proven and professional recruitment processes for master franchisees to use to recruit new franchisees.
The logic was that if Denise used the systems combined with her natural flair for dealing with people she would make an awesome success of her new role.
Well, things didn’t go to plan.
Denise had lots of franchise enquiries, she knew the processes, she dressed in our uniform and looked the part, but no-one would join her team. Our sales manager John spent time with her. He observed her out with clients. He couldn’t help her to achieve any improvement. His only observation was that, ‘Denise just didn’t stop taking at all!’
Denise appeared to be very flushed and certainly didn’t project the confidence that was needed to lead new franchisees to join her business. And John’s involvement seemed to make her even worse.
Time progressed. Nothing improved. I took over the mentoring role with Denise. I felt with my experience perhaps I could work out why Denise was failing, but I too was bewildered about where the strong, positive woman I had first met had vanished to.
I really couldn’t answer why she was transforming into this nervous, excessively talkative and at times vague person.
Over a series of coaching sessions, we found that the problem tracked back to two ‘Spirits’ of her past. Firstly, Denise saw herself as a nurse. She came from an environment where salespeople were dishonest, manipulative and uncaring.
Denise was none of these things and was terrified about being thought of as such. Secondly, Gordon was always
the main breadwinner. How could Denise bring in more income than her husband? It seemed to conflict with her work life expectations. The structure of her whole family was built around these beliefs.
These restricting beliefs from her past clearly were controlling her present results. These illogical beliefs were very much in play every day. People around her argued for the Denise of old. Friends confirmed that she was a nurse.
Nurses are caring, friendly and nice people. ‘Sales- people’ were not, according to Denise’s friends. Denise just didn’t have what it took to be one of them! Unfortunately, my sales manager John believed the same. His recommendation was to move Denise and Gordon out of the system.
I personally didn’t agree, but it was now a year into the business and Denise’s results were still very poor. I had to consider that maybe Denise and Gordon should sell their business and move on. So, with their approval, I put the business on the market, and very quickly I found a potential buyer.
It was a Friday afternoon. I rushed to their home with a signed agreement for the sale of their master franchise business. It was a good offer; they would have made a good profit.
I was quite excited, thinking this was a good result for everyone concerned. I happily placed the offer in front of Denise and Gordon. I said, ‘I think it’s a good deal. What do you think?’ Gordon had the biggest smile I ever saw.
I was thinking they would grab it with both hands and open a bottle of something to celebrate. (I think Gordon was already heading for the fridge.) To my surprise and Gordon’s shock, Denise answered, ‘I want to think about it over the weekend.’ At this moment, Gordon nearly passed out. I was lost for words, but I agreed to come back Monday morning.
Monday morning arrived. We met at their home to hear their decision. Denise said, ‘We don’t want to sell’. I was surprised — to say the least. I even pointed out that down the track if things didn’t improve there was no guarantee I could get an offer as good as the one on the table. They both understood that. The decision to persevere was made.
I asked Denise why she decided to reject the offer. In her answer came the ‘Empowering Spirit’ of her past. She answered, ‘I have never failed at anything in my life — this is not going to be the first time!’ And from that day on, everything changed for Denise. She became a true sales professional. She learnt everything she needed to learn, her skills developed, her attitude changed, and she got the results.
Denise was in that business for over 15 years. As a master franchisee she sold the most franchises in the history of the network. The family business got the kids through University and set them up for retirement. The ‘Positive Ghost’ reminding her that she never failed was right.
Success in one area of your past can fuel your future.
Unfortunately, the Spirits Past with the scariest stories seem to have the loudest voices. But no matter how loud they are, it doesn’t mean you have to give them power.
You have to face up to any arguments or limitations from your Spirit Past before you sit down with your Spirit Future.
Dealing with the ‘Spirits’, whether in demon or hero form, that float around in your head is a very real challenge, even though they only live in your imagination said Robert James and James Home Services.
Originally Posted:- http://www.robertjameshomeservices.com/breaking-old-habits/
