Finding Nawlins, NOLA, or The Elusive New Orleans
I planned on writing a fluff piece for this article just like I did with Sedona. But, I’m feelin a bit more real at the moment.
First of all, any place where the roaches fight lizards in the bushes has an immediate red flag.
I remember getting all cute to go explore the town one fine morning. I was ready way before Josh because he likes to sleep in.
Tell me why I walked outside and the swampy humidity stole my damn breath.
I walked 10 minutes through a very lovely array of storefronts in The Garden District. I WAS DRENCHED. My hair was gross, and my skank tank was just a mess.
I mean… if I were wearing Lulu Lemon and jogging in some Uggs, it would have been fine.
Grindr Rating
The Grindr rating is on the lower end. Probably a C+ because the guys in this city had potential, but were unabashedly finicky. My requests for “hanging out” were met with a curious onslaught of play-by-play queries from my potential meetups:
“But what will we do next?”
“And then what?”
“What type of lube?”
“Dress code?”
“Poppers?”
“Doritos?”
After closing the app altogether I briefly considered using old fashioned grinder. For those of you who aren’t familiar, it consists of putting your legs up in the air and holding them there awkwardly like some sort of slutty yoga stretch.
I like to meet locals in a new city and let them show me around their favorite spots. If on the off chance, we have chemistry — whatever happens, happens.
Also, I may have been a wee bit biased because I met an incredible friend in Sedona. So, there’s that.
The French Quarter is Everything:
- 300 year old buildings.
- Voodoo stores.
- Constant live music.
There was an easily perceptible undertone of racism that hummed just below the surface of so many interactions in this city. I don’t want to dive into it, because that’s a whole other post. But sadly, it was there.
On Burbon St. Josh got a tarot reading by a middle-aged woman wearing a TMNT onsie. She told him to follow his dreams, fuck the man, stop being chained to a cubicle, and some other shit I was too blitzed to remember.
She was taking a vacation the following week to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. #indulge
My dear friend Roger demanded I visit Cafe Du Monde. AND I. Am. So glad. I did.
The NOLA Mocha was delectable. Y’all sure do know how to make a cup of coffee. It held the lightest notes of chicory and cinnamon that flowed into a confluence of savory rich delight.
The beignet was crack-like indeed. The fried goodness melted on my tongue into a buttery, flavorful, airy foodgasm. Thanks Roger :-) I’m addicted now.
All in all, this is a great place to visit. I’d love to explore more. There’s a lot of culture to experience besides the drunken sorority chicks passed out behind dumpsters on Bourbon street.
Unless someone gifts me a plantation home with a royal treasury full of old diamonds and whatnot, I doubt I could live there.
C’est la vie.
