Father’s Day Reflections

What legacy you will you leave?

Father’s Day is a time to reflect on, and celebrate, the men who have shaped our lives. That man could be a biological father, a step-father, a man who stepped up to mentor you when you didn’t have anyone else — “father” takes on many forms and names. Some men shape our lives by teaching and showing us what to do, by being examples of how to live your best life. Some men shape our lives by teaching and showing us what not to do, by being examples of men we do not wish to emulate. And in most cases, if we’re very honest, some men are both, all wrapped up in the complicated package of humanity.

I have so many wonderful memories of my father. When I was growing up, I thought he was this amazing, talented man who worked his rear-end off to provide for his family. I remember going to the grocery with him, being treated to grape bubble gum (because that was my favorite), and thinking that it was the best thing in the world. He built beautiful custom homes in some of the wealthiest locations in Southern California, taking my sister and I do the build sites from time to time. Always proud of us, always showing us how much he loved us. And he did. I know that my father loved me, but sometimes, love isn’t enough. And I think he knew it, but it was too late, by the time he realized his mistake.

You see, my father died just after my 20th birthday. Eight months passed between his cancer diagnosis and the time of his death. Enough time to know he was dying. Not enough time to make up for lost time. I asked him one day, as I massaged the spasming muscles in his back, if he was afraid of dying. His answer is something I will never forget.

Babe, I don’t regret dying. I’m going to be with Jesus. What I do regret is dying without teaching you kids what you needed to know. I regret that I won’t be here for you. I’m so sorry for that.

Love and relationships, dating, finances, home care, health care, the art of adulting, these are all things that were non-existant or severely lacking in the education we received from our parents, in our education, period. Since we were homeschooled, the ability to learn from any source was limited at best.

Love, and showing love, is vital, an absolute necessity in parenting, but love alone does not prepare your children for life as adults. What are you doing to prepare your children for adulthood? What lessons are you teaching? How are you setting them up for success? My father used to tell me that I could be anything I wanted to be. That sounds wonderful, right? That sounds like the kind of thing a parent should say, right? Right. And wrong. Telling your kids they can be anything they want to be, without equipping them to go out and be that thing, is like pushing them off a cliff, yelling, “I believe in you! I believe you can fly!” But, give them a parachute, teach them how to use it, then let them jump and discover the joy of flying. That’s setting them up to really be whatever they want.

As my husband and I parent our toddler and look forward to adding siblings to our crew, we often have discussions about what we’re teaching and why, what we want to teach, and how we can equip our children for success. We desire our legacy to our family to be one of love, education, preparation, and freedom. That all sounds well and good, but how is that accomplished? Very simply, with a lot of hard work. What if you aren’t financially literate? Or maybe you’re not great with people, or don’t know what it takes to have successful, long-lasting relationships. Do you suck at dating?

Fortunately for us, and you, we live in an era where you can learn almost anything from people who are really, really good at that thing. YouTube, MasterClass, Udemy, the local Community College, etc., are all places where you can learn from top experts in any field. I say top experts because you do have to be very careful about who you choose to learn from. So, when you pick, pick wisely (maybe I should write an article about how to choose good educational content on platforms like YouTube?). I took a course at the local community college on personal finance and it blew my mind! I had to let go of a lot of anger at not being taught these simple financial principles and practices while growing up. We learned about credit, taxes, savings and investments (basic), balancing a checkbook, car buying and home buying. It was fantastic, and I’ve recommended it to every young person that will listen to me.

To wrap up, living in the present and enjoying the time you have with your kids is important. Do That. But, while living in the moment, don’t take your eyes, or your plan, off of their future.

• What are you doing now, and what will you do as they grow, to equip them for success in this life?
• What resources are you gathering or providing to teach them as they grow?
• Where do you need experts to help you?
• What do you need to learn for yourself, so that you can better equip your children?
• What biases, beliefs, or patterns of thought in your own life are hindering your child’s or children’s growth and development?

Leaving a legacy is what life is all about. If we aren’t here to leave something better behind, then what is the point? As I reflect on Father’s day, I am so grateful for my husband and our little one, and I think about what we’re working forward to, and what we’ll leave behind. Our legacy will be better than that of our parents, but only because we’ve chosen to do the work to make it so. What will you do to leave your future generations in a better place?

What will your legacy be?