True vs. Fake Friends

How to tell the difference

How do you know if someone is your friend? For real. Not a friend like, “oh hey, I like hanging out with you every now and then.” But a friend who’s there for you, good for you, helps you be a better person.

Here’s how to tell your true, ride-or-die friends.

1. You tell them bad news and they listen without passing judgment and without trying to one-up you. They won’t tell you you’re stupid and why that bad thing happened to you, and how something worse happened to them once.
2. You can tell them bad news and they’ll listen, offering advice if you ask, but not forcing it on you.
3. You can tell them bad news or something you’re struggling with, and they keep your confidence. They won’t be going and telling their other friends about your problems behind your back.
4. You can tell them good news and they’ll help you celebrate! This is a really good way of deciding who you should have around you. If you have someone around you who, when something good happens, you’re afraid to even admit it because, God forbid something good happened. If you let that be known it’ll be taken away, so you sort of tell them halfheartedly that something good happened to you and they give you a slap on the back and then talk about some great thing that happened to them three years ago. Or worse, the great thing that happened to someone they knew three years ago. Get away from that person. They’re not helpful to you and they’re not helpful to themselves either.
5. They want the best for you. You have to surround yourself with people who want the best for the best part of you. It’s often too easy to hang out with people who are trying to pull you down, to justify the fact that they’re spiraling downhill as well. The upside of that is you don’t have to take any responsibility. You can all whine about how wretched life is and that can be very attractive because nobody’s saying, “you can do better,” or “we can do better.”
6. True friends facilitate your development, not encourage stagnation. If the people around you listen and cooperate with you and move towards a better future, great! If they don’t pay any attention and they keep doing the same damn things over and over and they’re not going anywhere, then it may be painful, but the proper thing to do is say, you just have your misery and I’ll go off and have my life and maybe you’ll wake up at some point in the future and think there’s a better way of being. Because just putting up with it is what they call enabling. You put up with that sort of behavior you’re providing tacit consent and even tacit approval. It’s a bad idea.

You have both the right and the responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you. People who encourage you to growth and uplift the best part of you. People who don’t let you get away with mediocrity. You can all wallow in the pig-pen, or you can all rise to the king’s table.

Who are your friends? How are they making your life better? How are you making theirs better? Are you the friend who whines and wallows, or are you the friend who uplifts and encourages growth?

If you’ve enjoyed this piece, you might also enjoy Toxic: 17 Relationship signs that are easy to gloss over