Office places used to be match.com
Let’s fool around in the office — Part 1
Does your boss, HR or company need to know that you are in a serious romantic relationship with Idris Elba from the first floor?
Part of “office life” is the unusual perk of finding someone. Before match.com was a whisper, the work place was the hot spot. With the increase of work from home it’s surprising to see people are still hooking up with work mates. As private as these affairs are, we can’t always keep them from the “boss!” Why is that?
My current 10 year plus relationship started at work. We saw each other most days as we worked on the same floor. Like most people in an office entanglement there was doubt about the protocol. We didn’t want to lose our jobs. We also didn’t want our relationship to make the rounds in office gossip. We weren’t sure what to do!
In conversation with a manager we got some clarity. This particular manager met his wife at work and thought it was absurd not to see someone because you worked with them. With a sigh of relief we continued seeing each other but I never told my manager because it felt like a vulnerable admission.
Meeting someone at work is as common as it’s always been
Forbes released survey results for their Workplace Romance Statistics 2023, revealing that,
43% have married someone they met at work
As much as many assume that most people meet online these days, the reality is that more people meet their spouse in the workplace than on an app. Our survey found that 43% of those who date a colleague end up marrying them. In other words, you’re over two times more likely to marry a coworker than someone from a dating site or app.
The Forbes survey also showed that 62% of people formally report their relationship to Human Resources. That’s a high number!
Other people and places that require couples to register their relationship include government, churches, family and friends. Adding your office to that list might seem like an overreach but it’s supposedly for your protection.
In this USA Today piece, an HR expert reminds people that this is designed,
to protect employees from favoritism, retaliation and incidents of sexual harassment.
According to Society for Human Resources,
Many employers have policies addressing workplace relationships and can require you to disclose this to HR upfront — especially if it poses a conflict of interest or could impact the organization’s bottom line.
Is this reporting mandate an overreach?
Do these policies protect the worker from actual sexual assault? Do they penalize perpetrators beyond firing them?
First of all corporate culture can be cut throat. Not all office spaces are kumbaya. By their very nature they grow gossip like black mold in moist environments. There’s no policy that could stop this from occurring. It’s human nature to get around the divisive construct of an office. Having your romance become susceptible to the gossip chambers can elicit side effects you didn’t see coming. The risk just doesn’t seem worth the reward for serious relationships that don’t involve “Manager — Subordinate” dynamics.
Essence ran a story pointing out the #metoo movement’s influence on these office policies. At their core, these policies were designed to protect workers from unwanted advances in the workplace,
the blurring of lines between the two [wanted advances vs unwanted advances] triggered many HR departments to put up firm guardrails around workplace romance. Some say the policing of workplace coupling has gone too far, while others contend policies don’t go far enough.
The conflict is mostly obvious. It could lead to liabilities and lawsuits that put companies at a disadvantage. Businesses protect themselves with these policies but do these policies protect the worker from actual sexual assault? Do they penalize perpetrators beyond firing them?
My guess is, most reported cases fall into two categories:
- Relationships of a “serious” romantic nature
- Relationships because of a serious matter
No need to register Friday night hookups or casual friendships or best friend friendships at work or roommates etc. All equally close in nature with different but potential impacts. The power dynamic is so centered on sexual relationships it negates all other relationships with a different set of power dynamics.
So my original question stands, does your boss, HR or company need to know that you are in a serious romantic relationship with Idris Elba from the first floor?
Have workplace fraternization policies ever stopped you from seeing someone?
Stay tuned for part 2 next week. Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.
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