The Devil’s Sleep
by @RockSoulLife
Depression is a bitch.
Never mind the reasons, circumstances, blame, guilt and angst. It’s all about survival. There are thousands of valuable resources available for those who deal with this condition on a regular basis and while I don’t presume to be an authority on the matter, I do hold one opinion. Music is the starting point on the road to becoming you again.
I don’t believe in shortcuts. I believe in a direction that satisfies the most critical of your requirements and a commitment to persevere through the adversities of your chosen path. Whatever decisions you’ve made in your life and the specific issues you face today, the unifying theme for all of us in this journey is the battle to feel like we can feel again.
For these reasons, music will serve not as a cure, but as a powerful tool to get us into a mental and emotional state where we can re-connect with our soul. Paralysis is the weapon of choice when it comes to being struck by this affliction, so most of us will suffer a limiting force that threatens and can sometimes succeed in bringing an indispensable part of our lives to a grinding halt.
In my particular case, an unequivocal sign that I find myself within the devil’s throes, is an overall numbing of my sensitivity to the music I love. I experience a never ending need for sleep while the music that typically excites me grows flat, indifferent and un-enchanting. So how can the answer lie in something that is being significantly diminished by a condition that is currently over-powering you ?
IDENTIFY + ACCEPT
Rarely do we become naturally indifferent to our passions, so it is a connection within ourselves that goes missing.
I regard this as becoming musically dissociated. There is a detachment from the stimuli of our environment to our processing of this reality. Hence, the most critical task at this point is to reconnect with your soul. The key challenge being: where is it ? And so the journey begins…
Your soul will follow you wherever you go, but tread carefully, for darkness looms in the brightest of days. The only option is to identify and accept that you find yourself in a dark place. You might come in & out of the shadows , but when your soul no longer responds to the light, you need to prepare yourself to see through the night.
Many people resort to extreme measures in order to “feel” again. Drugs, sex, violence, self harm are but a few of the paths some follow in the pursuit of feeling whole again. Fighting fire with fire is a sure way to get burnt. But I get the allure, and there is something quite rational behind it that we can try to harness in a less hazardous manner.
The effectiveness (although fleeting) of the radical approach is that it validates the reality of the current situation, rather than trying to repress or misrepresent your emotional state. This is where we come back to the music.
Within the vast musical realm, there is bound to be something that can validate the hole within your soul without immediately removing you from the reality of your condition. It is imperative you not only recognize your surroundings but tolerate the discomfort of being completely removed from your comfort zone. Not doing so will result in the body jumping ship, while leaving the soul behind.
There is one band that for my hard pounding rock sensitivities takes me to the darkest most vulnerable corners of my being: Depeche Mode
Surprised ? You shouldn’t be. Depeche Mode is one of the heaviest, darkest and most profoundly sinister bands on the planet. Every note, beat and word oozes the ethos of sex, drugs and rock & roll. Dave Gahan is certainly amongst Satan’s most prodigious children. Sampled every excess, died twice, and seduced legions of listeners to the hypnotizing electronic beats of a decadent soul.
I’m not trying to glamorize this reckless lifestyle, but I am encouraging you to use their music in lieu of following in those very footsteps. The music of Depeche Mode is the only conduit I’ve found that returns me to having an emotional connection whilst in the suffocating grip of depression. Mind you, it comes at a price.
The reason it resonates with me is because it connects with a predisposition in my emotional being to suffering as a means to feel alive. This is most certainly not a place to heal, but it is a start. When one resists the urge to try and immediately jump from anguish to bliss, there is an opportunity for growth. Understanding and acknowledging the darkness within you is an integral part of learning to navigate your highs & lows.
Through their music, I get to indulge in all the self-destructive behavior that in my crippled state I think I need to in order to regain control of myself. It’s effective, but just like the real thing, there is the danger of staying in that place.
Depeche Mode is a transition for me, a portal of sorts. It’s not a place where I can lay a foundation and settle myself. There is a high in feeling again, but it is at this point that one must recognize that this isn’t home. Convince yourself you are but a guest, so honor thy host, but politely excuse yourself from the proceedings as soon as you have validated what you came to achieve. Prepare to dance with the devil…
1.- Identify your presence in the darkness, feel again, acknowledge the threat.
You’ve made contact. You feel something. The beat of this song is utterly perverse. You feel equally attracted and fearful of your environment. Re-connect with yourself and take the opportunity to get to know the more primal side of you.
2.- Honor your host with a dance, it’s a sign of both respect and confidence in who you are.
“Welcome To My World” — Delta Machine
We all want to be seduced. We want to exist in a world where those around us know what we crave and need before we realize it ourselves. We want to know no consequence. The song is haunting, god-less, empty yet full of promise. Be mindful of the trap, but seize the spark within your soul.
3.- Find a link between the shade & light.
“I Feel You” — Songs of Faith and Devotion
A soul re-ignited yearns pure passion. The second this song starts, you know there’s somebody you need to get back to. That initial distortion and blues riff rekindles your lust for your one true love: rock & roll.
4.- Excuse yourself and transcend the night, breaking the cycle of paralysis.
The infectious groove signals the end of this ‘would be’ affair. The innuendo from this dark force that’s held you captive in its shadow no longer has the power to keep you from yourself. You feel strength, you are energy. I’ll be fine, it’s time to move on…
5.- Carefully re-acquaint yourself to a more familiar and protective environment.
“The Hand That Feeds” — Nine Inch Nails
The key for a successful transition out of the nothingness is to always keep moving. Feed your soul through the power of those loud guitars and visceral vocals, but recognize the embers of this newfound fire burn from the dark synth tones that preceded it. Challenge the inner voice that feeds you negativity. A powerful yet fragile state. We are heading home…
It never ceases to amaze me that for all my hard rock sensitivities, there isn’t a Norwegian death metal band that feels as dark and heavy as Depeche Mode. I believe it stems from the fact that the demons DM sing about are much more real. Their suffering is more relatable and their appeal is universal. I honestly hope that everybody who reads this finds this story un-relatable and straight-up crazy. This would mean you carry out your life with the levity of simply enjoying your music while rolling with the punches. If you are not so lucky, just remember that no matter where you find your soul, it’s rightful place will always be within your purest, honest self. Never give up.
Rock and Roll Will Save Your Soul…
@RockSoulLife
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